female nuke with 1 year old son

[N@vychick]

Hello to all. I am going to enlist in the Navy and I am really interested in the nuke program, but from what I have read so far almost everyone seems to have alot of negative input about it. I am a student right now studying to be an electronic technition. I have high hopes to be successful in this field of work. I am very dedicated to hard work and long hours if that is what it takes to be the job done well. So my question is after boot camp when I go to school is my son going to be able to stay with me? And if so will the Navy provide me with child care during my school hours? My husband is also enlisting in the Navy we are both going to be active duty. I am just trying to get as much information as I can on the subject. I am very much aware of the hard work and long hours of studying and that is not a problem for me for I am a very dedicated and determined individual. What I am worried about is the situation with my son. Will I have to stay in the barracks or will housing be provided for me. From what I understand in some cases if the schooling is long (and nuke school is) Your family is allowed to stay with u during the schooling. My husband I believe wants to do DC if that will help with any of the responses. Please any input would be much appreciated.

[Samabby]

IMHO, one of you two needs to stay at home and raise your baby. What happens if both you and your DH deploy at the same time? 

[kiarakitty]

The Navy is going to make you sign a parenting plan if both you and your husband will be active duty, meaning you will have to designate someone else with custody of your child.  Not that you have to give him up, but that if either you or your husband are out to sea, someone is available to be with your son.  If you will not or can not sign the parenting plan, the Navy will discharge either you or your husband, usually its the person with less money spent on schooling them...your husband.

If both of you continue to go active duty, then yes, you can have your son during school.  He will be your dependent, you will be given military housing or extra money to be spent on your own place.  You dont have to stay in the barracks with a dependent.  But school is not going to let you leave early or miss days to be with your son, keep that in mind.  My suggestion is to have a family member or nanny move to SC with you during school, if that is an option.

As far as child care goes, the Navy does not pay for it.  That comes out of your pocket.  The Navy has child care centers you can enroll him in, but those are only open during typical working hours.  The Navy also has military wives that have been certified by the Navy to watch children, most do this out of their home.  That would be the best way for you to go, find one willing to watch your son during late nights/weekends and shift work in Prototype.  Navy certified child care centers and homes are usually cheaper than civilian centers, which is nice.  But not free nor guaranteed to work around your schedule. 

If you have any additional questions PM me.  My husband and I are/were both nukes and have two daughters.  I did my 9 years and got out at my EAOS.  Its very tough on your career but you can do it.

[MiZZ_YuNg]

I agree with both responses I've read so far. yes the navy offers you alternatives, but i'm a firm believer in nobody will care for your child like mommy can and when I was put in that situation, I chose to sty home with my son and am glad that I decided to. I was a MM and i'm married to an ET and I became pregnant halfway through powerschool. I weighed all the options I had available (2007) and chose it wold be best for my child and my marriage if I got out. the way I came to that decision is:

1. Mommy is the only person who is going to love your baby the way you can

2. I knew people down here, but I don't really know anyone down here to trust them with my child because in this pipeline they would probably be the one caring for your child more than you

3. There are so many different branches of military (Navy, Army, & Marines) here and so many people stationed here because there are so many commands, the waiting list for almost all child care readily available to you is usually a minimum of 6 months to a year and you only have 6 weeks max after having a child

4. The in home care providers do not have a mandate over them on how much they can charge for providing care and the last time I checked (Oct 2008) they were charging $120/week Mon-Fri for just 40 hours and 5 bucks and hour after that and you will be in the school for more than 40 hours a week not even including your study hours so it gets really really expensive!

5. If one baby in childcare would get sick or catch something, there'd be a swarm of parents in medical with sick children because they'd all get sick because all the Home care providers help each other and hang out together so all the kids would just pass it along and it's always something...especially in this horrible base housing that I am happy to note they are tearing down now and rebuilding.
 
6. I couldn't stand Nukes (Newbies...Loved the first classes and chiefs) and my husband's grades were higher and study hours were shorter.

7. ET bonuses are bigger so it'd benefit our family more if my husband stayed in ad I got out.

8. I wanted my son to have at least one parent that no matter what or where daddy was stuck doing at work, I'd be there for him whenever he needed me because you ave to feel it must suck for a kid to not have at least either mommy or daddy there for them.

That's just me sharing my recent happenings being that i'm here now and I know lots of people having trouble with the issue of child care and even now I don't just sit at home, I have a part time job just for a little extra change and something to do because we don't need it but it took me 2 years of being here to find 2 or 3 people I was comfortable leaving my toddler with. It's all about how trusting you are and how willing you are for both you and your husband to spend so much time away from your child and how much your willing to spend.

P.S. If you do decide to go through with it all there are women here at the FLeet and Family service center who are a big help to you  and yours when things just get overwhelming or if you get sick and need help caring for the baby...they even help with laundry and washing dishes if you need it or watching the baby just so you can get a nap in and it's great to have when your far from home and by yourself.

[Marssim]

..................
1. Mommy is the only person who is going to love your baby the way you can

......................
4. The in home care providers do not have a mandate over them on how much they can charge for providing care and the last time I checked (Oct 2008) they were charging $120/week Mon-Fri for just 40 hours and 5 bucks and hour after that and you will be in the school for more than 40 hours a week not even including your study hours so it gets really really expensive!

........................

Does anybody believe or expect that anybody else can care for their child even half as well as mommy for three to five bucks an hour?!?!?!?

Good homemakers are the best and most underappreciated resource any society can be blessed with,..

kudos to moms (& dads),....

[N@vychick]

I appreciate ur replys. In response to that we made our family on a really strong foundation and I really want to go nuke and active duty. As selfish as it may sound, since the day that I found out that I was pregnant I have sacrifice alot of what I want so that we could have this Ideal family and I guess u could say that it is fine but not ok with me. I love my son to death and to be honest if it had been me that had got pregnant in the middle of schooling I would have gotten out too but I have been there done that and is still paying the school back. I am just getting the chance to go back to school right now but I want more. I want more for my family than just getting by (not that one military paycheck wouldnt be enough). I want us to be able to experience all that life has to offer and I feel that the Navy can give us that opportunity. This decision isnt written in stone yet for I still have to get the 30 pounds of weight that pregnancy put on me off. I have lost 20 plus pounds already and my determination to join the Navy has gotten me that far. I have the support of my husband and the rest of my family to do this one thing once for ME. We have already thought up and air tight family care plan and like I said we have all of the support of our family on his side and mine. Our son will have the best that both mommy and daddy can give him. That with the aid of a kick a** nanny that could care for him as we do and there are some out there that just has a natural passion for child care. I will keep u in formed of our progress and if anyone has any thing else to add I would greatly appreciate ur responses rather they are negative or positive to me joining the Navy as a dual family

[MiZZ_YuNg]

Anytime...I'm happy you have a family able and willing to help you who you know can give your child what he needs while mommy and daddy are away. That was a luxury I did not have. I don't know anyone who would eventrust my own mother with their child and i'm the youngest of 5...lol...i just didn't want you to come down thinking child care would be a breeze to find and that you'd be with your baby in no time when it's not...Good Luck to you and your family...I'm a fan of nanny-cam myself...lol

[psmarz]

I am going to run into the same problem in the future.  Right now I am DEPed and I have a 2yr old (going on to three)...My "fiancee" is also planning on enlisting in the near future.  We have already talked with my family as well as hers and are going to get set with the grandparents.

I know it is not always a viable option but the child's maternal/paternal grandparents can be awesome.

[NJ]

 ::)Girl,  you need to grow up and see the light.  YOUR CHILD WAS YOUR CHOICE.  It is not fair to just give him to someone else to raise.  That is your first priority in life now.  There are too many children out there who are screwed up because no one thought it out on how to raise the children.  You would be doing him a disservice by doing the "ME" thing right now.  By your post I'm guessing you are young and would have plenty of time to live your dream after your son gets out of school.  Now is not the time to leave him to others.  You could make some other goal with a more child friendly future.  Think about and BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE.

[kiarakitty]

Maybe before judging you should try to understand that many women choose to enlist in order to support their family. We don't all have the luxury to sit at home with our children. If she is young and without a college degree, well McDonalds doesn't pay enough to support a child. I love my children so much that I chose to dedicate my time to the Navy, so I could support them financially and become educated at the same time. Because of that, I didnt have to rely on a man or my family or welfare to support me. My children come first. Being active duty does not mean you have to give your children to someone else or have family raise them. Responsible parents make sacrifices. Letting your child see their mom sit at home all day, not educated enough to get a good paying job but can't quit working to go to school because of bills, now that seems more irresponsible to me.

I would have loved to stay at home with my daughters, then go to college when they started kindergarden. But I live in the real world and it wasn't an option for me, And perhaps it's not for her either.     

[N@vychick]

Wow I dont have that option. I had that same train of thought when I first found out that I was going to be a mom ( that is until life slapped me in the face). A decent paying job isnt so decent when u have a kid. It would be real fortunate is the world set up to where one parent can stay at home and be with the kids but society isnt set up that way. This is a go for what u know world. Without and education guess what u dont know much. That is when u should have thought of that before u decided to have a child comes into play right??? Honestly who stays at home, school or work thinking okay I am going to WAIT to have a kid when I have a job paying 100K+ a year with 50K in the bank. Things happen. Wake up and smell the polution and waste in the world the ecnomy isnt getting better its getting worst. If everyone had lived there lives with such of date values like some seem to have on the site we would still have slaves and men runing this country  .
Life shouldnt just be about getting by and it is like that for alot of families. I realise that it isnt always that easy when u have 3 kids, ur single, no job, education or family to help u out. If u can find someone that is trust worthy enough to care for ur kids while u make something of ur self y not go for it. Children are starting to get the impression that it is okay to live life as a struggle y not mom did it and is fine. I havent dug myself in such a deep hole. I consider myself to be very blessed for I have the opportunity to break this cycle of welfare families and even that is getting cut in the near future. I choose to be a dual military Navy family any day.

[HydroDave63]

If everyone had lived there lives with such of date values like some seem to have on the site we would still have slaves and men runing this country  .

How does someone giving you advice, with which you may or may not agree, equate to slavery ?

A little less attitude and a tad more humility might help the first couple years of Nukeworker and Navy Nuclear easier to handle

[MiZZ_YuNg]

It seems to me the real question in this topic has been lost somewhere along the line. It was initially not about struggle and finance, if you've read closely. it's about her and what she wants to do because a child off set HER plans, and I'm sure if you're a good parent you would agree that once your child is here, they are here and they come first. But if they don't to you, then maybe they would be better off in the care of someone else because it's obvious that you are your first priority. Financially, a military family with just one parent enlisted/commissioned does not automatically mean struggle. I got out and my husband stayed in and we have a 1 year old currently planned for and are expecting number 2 this summer and are only the ages of 20 and 23 and by no means are struggling with 3 cars, a few credit cards, a nice home off base, and i only choose to work a few hours a week part time because I'd go crazy as a stay at home mom! I can't stand it!! BUT I did it for a whole year because MY CHILD CAME FIRST. And by no means did we start out with a clean slate. The whole reason I joined was to help get me out of debt but I'm debt free now in less than 2 years. It's all about responsibility, time management, and money management. That's what life is about maturity and family brings about sacrifice. Maybe some are more ready to accept that than others, but sooner or later those who don't wish they did earlier.

It's never this or that. Life is choice and consequence...Like they say for every action there is a reaction, you just have to determine the Right action for the reaction that is best in the long run.

[NJ]

You could do yourself and your child a favor if you got your education and job on land.  Why don't you think about getting a scholarship from a college they are available for single mothers.  There are many other fields you should think about.  Your electronic technition field maybe more flexable. A child needs his mother..What do you plan to do with your Navy education?  Live on a sub while someone else takes your responsibility?  This would be something you just might regret.

[Gamecock]

My parents (and theirs too) didn't come from influence.  They didn't wait to have a family.  They had it rough from the Great D' to post V'nam.  Struggling just like everyone else I knew.  We had OLD Values (though we never did or had owned slaves).

Those values got us through.

Your values (the new kind) have you right were you are right now.  Not willing to go through the tough decisions and cycles in life only looking for an instant fix and cure for your problems.

My mother stayed home to raise the kids.  We didn't have as much but we had each other.  Love, family ... etc ... you get the picture.  I had all you could want.  Loving parents and family.  A roof over my head.  Food on the table.  A bus ride to school.  And, a bicycle and a dog.  Well you can see that my cup runneth over.

My parents didn't get it all before they had kids.  If you wait (like I have) you probably will choose not too.

The Military is a way of life.  It's hard enough with one parent serving.  You are lucky to have someone willing to take care of them.  In this countries early days (you know Old Values) the indian tribes had both parents working and the elders taking care of the kids.  What is wrong with that even if you understand that you are still making a burden for them.  Whether they are accepting or not.  You are having them take care of your problems.  They shouldn't be doing that if you followed this New Value system ... right?

The dated values of this country worked then and would work now.  But, you made a choice to both work.  You could do with less and make it work.  Or you could think you can only get by with both parents working.  You know the New Values.

If you don't spend to much.  Be willing to do with less.  Not have new shiny toys (House/Cars/Flat Screen Tv's/etc) then you could do what most of our parents did.  That is to say one parent stayed home and raised the kids.

But, heck this whole New Value system is all the rage.  You know everyone looking out for themselves and all.

Whether you know it or not.  When you enlist you will be the same as a Slave to the US Government.  They own you till EAOS.  And, sometimes in the fine print they own you more than that.

I'd say you might be better off if you didn't spout crap like the bold above and had a clue about what the Old Values were and were not before you ran off at the mouth.

You're lucky I didn't smite you.

Instead I decided to be a big brother to you.  You know Old Values style.

Jason

Well said.  Raising kids is the most important job that can be done.

[HydroDave63]

Instead I decided to be a big brother to you.  You know Old Values style.

Anyone else want a Mint Julep with the popcorn? 

[Marssim]

Anyone else want a Mint Julep with the popcorn? 

PBR works for me,...

[Marssim]

......Being active duty does not mean you have to give your children to someone else or have family raise them......     

It does if you're KIA.

[kiarakitty]

It does if you're KIA.

KIA?  Female Navy nukes are on Aircraft carriers, I have never been worried about being killed on the job.  The reason I chose Navy was so I didnt have to shoot a gun or run around chasing people.  I seriously feel more scared of dying during an airplane trip than during a deployment.

My husband and I worked our military careers so neither of us were ever deployed at the same time.  Some other rates or newbies might not have that luxury.  Of course I never left my kids with anyone other than their father, and I wouldnt want to.  I am no longer active duty thankfully and love having free time with my family.

[HydroDave63]

KIA?  Female Navy nukes are on Aircraft carriers, I have never been worried about being killed on the job. 

I don't think most of the guys who died fighting the flight deck fire planned on being KIA that day, nor were they all top-siders. Things happen at sea.

The reason no one is on that hose at the bottom of the picture, is that the fire hose party had just been killed by the 2nd blast wave.

http://www.navsource.org/archives/02/65.htm

[kiarakitty]

Sorry, let me clarify. By KIA I was referring to dying in combat or at war. I was not suggesting that I couldn't be hurt by an accidental fire breaking out. But fires and accidental deaths can happen with other civilian jobs too. Sure, working on an aircraft carrier is more dangerous than most desk jobs.  But I have better odds of dying driving myself to work each day than of being killed in combat. That was the point I was trying to make.

[Khak-Hater]

Alright already; yes, by choosing military service, you have the added bonus of having a very low probability of giving your life for your country.  On average, is it more dangerous than working the back shift at an inner city convenience store?  I doubt it.

I have a hard time understanding why anyone's giving this young woman a hard time for wanting to serve her country.  Will it be easy?  No.  Will there be a lot of details to work out?  Yes [perhaps too many], but that's for her to deal with, and that's what I thought that she was asking for advice on. 

Personally, I don't believe this "No one can raise a child like it's mother" stuff.  One of my favorite lines from the movie "Parenthood" goes something like this:

"You need a license to drive a car, fish, hunt, or own a dog, but any b*++-r#@ming @$$hol# can be a father." 

Not to attack the sanctity of motherhood, but that goes for mothers too.  The thing that gives you the child (i.e., sex), in no way qualifies you to raise the child.  Who says that everybody's an expert at it [motherhood or sex].  Personally, I think that there are some very competent and loving childcare professionals out there who create a wonderful environment for their young charges.  Are you telling me that every woman who gives birth is going to do a better job because she has womb?  Really?

This young woman is trying to better herself and her lineage through service.  I say "go for it and best of luck," but please remember that it is service and not just an opportunity.  Try not to be one of those constant problem children who can never focus on your work [forcing everyone else to pick up the slack] because you're always juggling things.  I'm not saying that you will, but it is a pretty classical stereotype, and it's no fun for anyone involved. 

Love your child, do good work, and pray a lot.  You just might make it.  I hope that you do.

Peace be with you,

mgm

[Marssim]

Alright already; yes, by choosing military service, you have the added bonus of having a very low probability of giving your life for your country.  On average, is it more dangerous than working the back shift at an inner city convenience store?  I doubt it.

I have a hard time understanding why anyone's giving this young woman a hard time for wanting to serve her country.  Will it be easy?  No.  Will there be a lot of details to work out?  Yes [perhaps too many], but that's for her to deal with, and that's what I thought that she was asking for advice on. 

Personally, I don't believe this "No one can raise a child like it's mother" stuff.  One of my favorite lines from the movie "Parenthood" goes something like this:

"You need a license to drive a car, fish, hunt, or own a dog, but any b*++-r#@ming @$$hol# can be a father." 

Not to attack the sanctity of motherhood, but that goes for mothers too.  The thing that gives you the child (i.e., sex), in no way qualifies you to raise the child.  Who says that everybody's an expert at it [motherhood or sex].  Personally, I think that there are some very competent and loving childcare professionals out there who create a wonderful environment for their young charges.  Are you telling me that every woman who gives birth is going to do a better job because she has womb?  Really?

This young woman is trying to better herself and her lineage through service.  I say "go for it and best of luck," but please remember that it is service and not just an opportunity.  Try not to be one of those constant problem children who can never focus on your work [forcing everyone else to pick up the slack] because your always juggling things.  I'm not saying that you will, but it is a pretty classical stereotype, and it's no fun for anyone involved. 

Love your child, do good work, and pray a lot.  You just might make it.  I hope that you do.

Peace be with you,

mgm

your lumping "mothers" and "breeders" into the same mix,...

a wild wolf is a better primary care giver than a breeder,.....

nothing is a better primary care giver than a "mother",....

[NJ]

Well said Jason.  I didn't have the option to go on the road when I had my child so I reinvented myself.  I have two businesses I have worked for 20 years and now that my daughter is 19 I can return to my RP work.  I will travel a little and continue my own thing until I feel she is well on her way.  She was an all A student during school and now at college.  I'm making sure she keeps the solid foundation I laid for her.  I have no regrets for dropping out of Nukes and am glad I have the opportunity to return.
The lesson you learn as you get older is the only things that matters is family and your health.

[AFT21]

Wow, this thread has really gotten off topic, huh?  Maybe you have already discussed this, but have you and your husband thought about staggering your enlistments?  You are looking at the much better paying program, so I would suggest that you enlist first.  Get done with school and on the ship, then make the decision on whether you want to be a dual military family.  In the meantime, since he is considering DC, he could be a firefighter to see if it's something he actually enjoys.  Even in this economy I believe there are still openings for firefighters.  He can also take advantage of all of the educational benefits that are provided to Navy spouses while you are on active duty.  Good luck with whatever you choose.

MM1/SS

[HouseDad]

+K Aft21 for a reasonable, logical, helpful non-judgemental post.

[N@vychick]

AFT21 
That is great advice. I think that we will end up taking that route depending on how we both do when we take the asvab on the 12 of March I will let u all know how we do. Thank u all for all of the advice even the ones that were against me going in and "leaving my son". Thanks

[MiZZ_YuNg]

Wow, this thread has really gotten off topic, huh?  Maybe you have already discussed this, but have you and your husband thought about staggering your enlistments?  You are looking at the much better paying program, so I would suggest that you enlist first.  Get done with school and on the ship, then make the decision on whether you want to be a dual military family.  In the meantime, since he is considering DC, he could be a firefighter to see if it's something he actually enjoys.  Even in this economy I believe there are still openings for firefighters.  He can also take advantage of all of the educational benefits that are provided to Navy spouses while you are on active duty.  Good luck with whatever you choose.

MM1/SS

Agree with you completly...LoL...Basically the exact same thing I explained to her in a reply to the personal message she sent. I knew I wasnt the only one out there.

[xobxdoc]

nothing is a better primary care giver than a "mother",....

There are exceptions to this rule. It is attitudes like this that made it so hard for me to get custody of my son.

[Marssim]

your lumping "mothers" and "breeders" into the same mix,...

a wild wolf is a better primary care giver than a breeder,.....

nothing is a better primary care giver than a "mother",....

There are exceptions to this rule. It is attitudes like this that made it so hard for me to get custody of my son.

I'm having trouble following your logic,....