I need, a lot, of help.

[Nuclear NASCAR]

Don't start on the illness BS. AA did nothing to save my brother from that drunk driving a$$hole.

Justin

Justin,

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.  This does not make all alcoholics a**holes, though I know that I fall into that category much of the time myself.  Having hit the peak of my drinking when during the time that my stepson's leukemia progressed and soon after his death.  This lasted a little over a year after his death until I had my epiphany and realized that my choices were drink & die or quit & live.  My personal opinion is that it is an illness and if you care to discuss that I'll be more than happy to via PM. 

Back to the subject at hand, if you have useful advice give it.  If you're just interested in piling on and projecting your personal anger on someone looking for advice (Not singling you out Justin.  I respect you far too much for that) then type it out in your word processing program, get it out of your system, and delete it.  Though some of my experiences run close to talitore's I'd never assume that I can understand completely how he feels.  None of us should either.  You know what they say about assuming.

As to his last response meaning he's in denial, my take is that he's got enough going on without putting up with any extraneous sanctimonious pontification.  I find it difficult to believe the ragging he's receiving given the reason that he spent the money.  He could be in denial nukeman, or he just be tired with all that's on his plate.   

[thenukeman]

True he could be overloaded.  I hope he is not in denial.  He has taken the first step and got his money pay back situation under control.  hopefully he can get the rest of his life under control.

[JustinHEMI05]

Justin,

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.  This does not make all alcoholics a**holes, though I know that I fall into that category much of the time myself.  Having hit the peak of my drinking when during the time that my stepson's leukemia progressed and soon after his death.  This lasted a little over a year after his death until I had my epiphany and realized that my choices were drink & die or quit & live.  My personal opinion is that it is an illness and if you care to discuss that I'll be more than happy to via PM. 

Back to the subject at hand, if you have useful advice give it.  If you're just interested in piling on and projecting your personal anger on someone looking for advice (Not singling you out Justin.  I respect you far too much for that) then type it out in your word processing program, get it out of your system, and delete it.  Though some of my experiences run close to talitore's I'd never assume that I can understand completely how he feels.  None of us should either.  You know what they say about assuming.

As to his last response meaning he's in denial, my take is that he's got enough going on without putting up with any extraneous sanctimonious pontification.  I find it difficult to believe the ragging he's receiving given the reason that he spent the money.  He could be in denial nukeman, or he just be tired with all that's on his plate.   

I am not talking about alcoholics... just drunk drivers that were "in the program" but drank and drove anyway. But, that is neither here nor there. You are correct, I think we got off on a tangent here, and I apologize.  This has the potential of erupting into something we don't want, with the many different emotions surrounding this topic. We should stay on topic and offer him advice only about his financial situation, which is all he asked for.

But I did not piled on him about his alcoholism. My emotion was directed towards someone else, as I respect the fact that he is seeking help for he and his family. I only offered good advice which he took... and worked.

Justin

[PapaBear765]

Justin,

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.  This does not make all alcoholics a**holes, though I know that I fall into that category much of the time myself.  Having hit the peak of my drinking when during the time that my stepson's leukemia progressed and soon after his death.  This lasted a little over a year after his death until I had my epiphany and realized that my choices were drink & die or quit & live.  My personal opinion is that it is an illness and if you care to discuss that I'll be more than happy to via PM. 

Back to the subject at hand, if you have useful advice give it.  If you're just interested in piling on and projecting your personal anger on someone looking for advice (Not singling you out Justin.  I respect you far too much for that) then type it out in your word processing program, get it out of your system, and delete it.  Though some of my experiences run close to talitore's I'd never assume that I can understand completely how he feels.  None of us should either.  You know what they say about assuming.

As to his last response meaning he's in denial, my take is that he's got enough going on without putting up with any extraneous sanctimonious pontification.  I find it difficult to believe the ragging he's receiving given the reason that he spent the money.  He could be in denial nukeman, or he just be tired with all that's on his plate.   

I think the lad's been given sufficient advice, and tough love, to navigate his way to success.  Now, if the discussion takes a turn towards some tangent, then let it be.  You moderators have a nasty problem of trying to fence in a discussion when it's obvious that more than a couple of people are interested in the tangent.

I have no sympathy for alcoholics.  For decades now society has been educated on the side affects of too much alcohol.  And people continue to ignore the warnings.  Therefore, it's not a disease (or any other cop out), it's a choice.  A choice to do what you're told is unwise.

No one needs to take it easy on this guy.  That might have been the problem with his life until now: no one telling him like it is.  No one telling him flat out he's in the wrong, that he's f.ing up his life.  Maybe all of us being so blunt about this issue will wake him up.  Just a thought.

[xobxdoc]

This guy asked for "a lot of help". Right now his money issues are secondary. His wife faces a battle with cancer and she doesn't need to be dealing with a drunk. She has the disease, not him! Since 1985 I have been on the receiving end of an alcoholics abuse and it continues because I have to explain somehow to my 9 year son why his mother only comes by to see him every few months.
I agree with Papa Bear. I have no sympathy for alcoholics. And they can use some "sanctimonious pontification".
Clean yourself up and help your family.

[PapaBear765]

My grandfather and his sons (my uncles) were alcoholics.  An immediate family member has had her license suspended more than once for DUI.  All of us have 1st or 2nd hand experience with alcohol abuse.  So there's no need to state it.  We're all just as qualified as the other to speak our thoughts on the subject.

Alcoholism is like a crack addiction: everyone knows better, but some choose to head the warning while others don't.  I don't feel sorry for the ones who don't...including the ones in my family.

[fueldryer]

I think the lad's been given sufficient advice, and tough love, to navigate his way to success.  Now, if the discussion takes a turn towards some tangent, then let it be.  You moderators have a nasty problem of trying to fence in a discussion when it's obvious that more than a couple of people are interested in the tangent.

I have no sympathy for alcoholics.  For decades now society has been educated on the side affects of too much alcohol.  And people continue to ignore the warnings.  Therefore, it's not a disease (or any other cop out), it's a choice.  A choice to do what you're told is unwise.

No one needs to take it easy on this guy.  That might have been the problem with his life until now: no one telling him like it is.  No one telling him flat out he's in the wrong, that he's f.ing up his life.  Maybe all of us being so blunt about this issue will wake him up.  Just a thought.

Were your parents married?

[JustinHEMI05]

You moderators have a nasty problem of trying to fence in a discussion when it's obvious that more than a couple of people are interested in the tangent.

I am not a moderator.

I understand what you are saying, but I am going to opt out of the discussion because.... well because I like and respect too many people here to have this debate with them. I am afraid that it would end with "bad blood" and for me, the friendships I have made here are more important to me than allowing my strong feelings about this subject get out of control. I took a similar pacifist approach in the Navy, and it worked out. I never ever went out to the bars with Navy buds because I knew some of them were probably drinking and driving. And in my mind, if I had confirmation of the fact, that would negate the possibility of me being their friends and would require me to report them to the command. So, I just avoided the situation altogether. I have never seen the inside of a Saratoga bar.

Have your discussion/debate, but I must bow out. Just don't let it get out of control.

Justin

[PapaBear765]

Were your parents married?

I'm neither a chief nor an officer, therefore my closet is empty of skeletons.

[fueldryer]

I am not a moderator.

I understand what you are saying, but I am going to opt out of the discussion because.... well because I like and respect too many people here to have this debate with them. I am afraid that it would end with "bad blood" and for me, the friendships I have made here are more important to me than allowing my strong feelings about this subject get out of control. I took a similar pacifist approach in the Navy, and it worked out. I never ever went out to the bars with Navy buds because I knew some of them were probably drinking and driving. And in my mind, if I had confirmation of the fact, that would negate the possibility of me being their friends and would require me to report them to the command. So, I just avoided the situation altogether. I have never seen the inside of a Saratoga bar.

Have your discussion/debate, but I must bow out. Just don't let it get out of control.

Justin

So, you're saying that if someone drinks,weather socially or out of control drunk,then they/you cannot be friends?Bummer....

[JustinHEMI05]

So, you're saying that if someone drinks,weather socially or out of control drunk,then they/you cannot be friends?Bummer....

Don't start. I said exactly what I meant. I don't associate with drunk drivers. Period. No more, no less.

Justin

[fueldryer]

Don't start. I said exactly what I meant. I don't associate with drunk drivers. Period. No more, no less.

Justin

I never ever went out to the bars with Navy buds because I knew some of them were probably drinking and driving. And in my mind, if I had confirmation of the fact, that would negate the possibility of me being their friends and would require me to report them to the command. So, I just avoided the situation altogether. I have never seen the inside of a Saratoga bar.   Your words, not mine...

[JustinHEMI05]

I never ever went out to the bars with Navy buds because I knew some of them were probably drinking and driving. And in my mind, if I had confirmation of the fact, that would negate the possibility of me being their friends and would require me to report them to the command. So, I just avoided the situation altogether. I have never seen the inside of a Saratoga bar.   Your words, not mine...

Yes and no where did I say I couldn't be friends with people that socially drink. I chose not to go out and get hammered every night. I didn't care if others did. But if they then drove, you bet I would have.

I am done with this. I am not going to be dragged into a fight about the evil that is drunk drivers.

Justin

[fueldryer]

would negate the possibility of me being their friends

[JustinHEMI05]

would negate the possibility of me being their friends

Way to take it out of context. You know damn well I am talking about drinking and driving. Read the whole thing.

Justin

[nuketarded]

I had an admin discharge ("hardship").  Owed 18k.  Paid it back. The bottom line is that it is not your money.  You were paid for something you didn't do.  You knew that when you signed the contract.  Work with DFAS, stretch it out to 6 years.  The rate they charge is really forgiving.  Put off buying a new car and pay off the debt.  You'll feel better.  If there weren't consequences to mistakes then they wouldn't be mistakes.  Getting 20k for not doing something is enabling irresponsibility. There are things you could have done with the money that would have insured you against this risk (partial investment, for instance).  You didn't ,and now you have to do some good old fashioned hard work. That's it.

[fueldryer]

Way to take it out of context. You know damn well I am talking about drinking and driving. Read the whole thing.

Justin

Something of which YOU never ever ever did in your entire life?

[fueldryer]

I had an admin discharge ("hardship").  Owed 18k.  Paid it back. The bottom line is that it is not your money.  You were paid for something you didn't do.  You knew that when you signed the contract.  Work with DFAS, stretch it out to 6 years.  The rate they charge is really forgiving.  Put off buying a new car and pay off the debt.  You'll feel better.  If there weren't consequences to mistakes then they wouldn't be mistakes.  Getting 20k for not doing something is enabling irresponsibility. There are things you could have done with the money that would have insured you against this risk (partial investment, for instance).  You didn't ,and now you have to do some good old fashioned hard work. That's it.

Well said!

[JustinHEMI05]

Something of which YOU never ever ever did in your entire life?

What drinking and driver? No I NEVER drank and drove in my entire life.

Justin

[rlbinc]

$500 a month is all you need.
My guess is - that if you deliver pizzas at night - after that water treatment job, you can make that.
For extra tips - use the words "Better than I deserve!" when some one asks how you are doing.
Ask Dave Ramsey.

[talitore]

You're right, I could deliver pies at night. All the while missing everything that is important.

[NJ]

O.K. You guys ENOUGH! 
Talitore, the Dave Ramsey way is a good mentor to have.  He tells it like it is but helps you get on. He has a radio program daily and a TV talk show. Go to his web page and check him out.  "Live today like nobody else so you can live like no one else later". Think of positive things you have going for you and
positiveness = positiveness.

[wlrun3@aol.com]

   ...you don't have a problem...

   ...you have a life...

   ...do what you've always done...

   ...adapt, improvise, overcome...

[Gamecock]

You're right, I could deliver pies at night. All the while missing everything that is important.

People are offering you ideas....you asked for 'em.

If you don't like the thought of working a second job......

You might consider lowering your standard of living....move into a smaller house/apartment that costs less.

If you drive vehicles that aren't paid off, consider selling them outright and getting a used car that you can pay cash for.

There are things that you can do to reduce your monthly expenditures...you might not want to do them, but there are options.

And, if your still drinking......you can probably pay your $500/month tab by getting sober.

[talitore]

You don't understand, I would rather spend what little time I might have left with my family. I would rather do that than worry about a damn credit score (which I understand the importance of, please no rants). I believe THAT is manning up. But please, correct me if my opinion is wrong.

I am seeing the help, and responding. Please stop with all the "he's trying to help" speechs.