I understand he is going to be crazy stressed and busy and i am lucky because my family lives close by.....but to keep me from going crazy can someone please point out the positives to being a nuc wife.
Something came to mind when you asked this, and, so, I asked my wife to confirm it, which she did. We both agreed that the single best moment in a Navy relationship, is that day when the ship comes in after a long deployment. She'd go out and get her hair done, buy a new dress and balloons, and stand there on the pier waiting with everyone else. It's more than just waiting in the airport for someone to come back from a business trip. It involves a collective sacrifice for the greater good, that makes it really special. I know that it sounds corny and cliche, but it really is one of those memorable moments in life that, upon reflection, make everything else worth it. In that moment we're all the same. Now you can't live your life just for a handful of moments, but as you get older, looking back on those moments give you a wonderful sense of who you've been. It's hard to describe.
Now I'm freaking out because that post by brett says that he dated his high school sweetheart for six years and got married, and got divorced 9 months later. My parents are on the their third marriage a piece and i CAN NOT let that happen to me.
When my daughter was in elementary school, it seemed like most of her friends had parents who were either divorced or getting divorced. Putting two and two together, she asked us when we were getting divorced. I told her that when you apply for your marriage license, you can apply for a temporary license or a permanent license. They each cost the same, but one is for a temporary marriage and the other permanent. It depends on the kind of a license you commit to when you get married, and when we got married, we got a permanent license. Only people with temporary licenses can get divorced. This set her mind at ease, and she never asked about it again. Now she's a teenager, and she's figured out my silly lie along with Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, but conceptually, it's a sound way to look at it.
Don't promise to "love, cherish, and obey" someone "for richer or poorer" [monetarilly and spiritually] "in sickness and health" [physical and mental] "till death do you part" (i.e., one or both of you are DEAD), unless you really mean it. I've often thought that modern marriage vows should be more like "I promise to share my life and property with you as long as our relationship is interesting and compatible, until you or I get bored with each other, or drift apart, or find someone better, or find out something about each other that we really can't live with, then we'll divvy up our stuff and move on." A permanent marriage isn't some job or contract that you can duck out on when it doesn't work out the way you wanted. It's a commitment for the rest of your life.
So think about what kind of marriage license or vows that you [specifically YOU] can really live with. Be honest about it with yourself, and you won't have to beat yourself up about it when it works out the only way that it can.
I hope that this didn't come off as too judgemental, but I hate the term "failed marriage." If you perceive divorce as an option, then divorce isn't a failure, it's a natural endpoint. Accept it as such. People who accept divorce as an option, but stay married for their whole lives, aren't special. They're just really lucky (i.e., success by serendipity).
Hoping that you have a happy life,
mgm
