Where to start?
Well first of all, a married 20-something, with no kids, has no significant "life experience." Wow, you've gotten regular sex for a few years, held down a few jobs, and had your own place. Big deal, this is like a high school senior making fun of how immature high school freshmen are. You are NOT jaded [except maybe in you own mind]. At my age, I can barely tell the difference between a 18-year old and a 30-year old, and if you pointed out the difference to me, I wouldn't care. That's jaded. That's life experience. When you don't care how old someone is or how they act. So stop feeling special. You are not a beautiful or unique snow flake.
Second, you have no idea how tired you will be over the next six [or eight?] years. NFAS and NNPS were cakewalks compared to prototype and the fleet. You will put in so many mind-numbing hours that you will forget what the word "tired" means. So, do yourself a favor and go ahead and forget it now. Repeat to yourself over and over again "I'm not tired. What's tired even mean? I could eat this stuff for breakfast." You'll be better off in the long run.
Third, "I really really don't like the Navy right now." What does that even mean? Do you hate it??? Do you hate it with a seething hatred that consumes your whole being? Because you will and you will often. I'll give you credit. You hit the nail on the head. The main problem is that it's a job you can't quit. They own you like you're doing time at a federal prison. You get a few more conjugal visits and you'll have much better job opportunities when you finish serving your sentence, but, make no mistake, you're doing time. Get used to the idea. I've had civilians ask me "Is the Nuke Navy like Crimson Tide or Hunt for Red October?" I quickly tell them "No, it's much closer to the Shawshank Redemption" [which I incidently believe should be required viewing for anyone going into the program].
OK, enough tough love. Yes it sucks. Yes, it's going to suck even more as time goes by, but, if you're not careful, you might learn some things and have some fun along the way.
Lastly, I can address the question you asked about whether the "nub" feeling ever goes away. It's a good question, and to answer it, I'm going to need to tell a story. So, curl up and grab your cocoa. It's story time.
When I first got to the "E," we had a collection of "old dogs" in RL-Div who wielded the term nub like Samurai warriors. By "old dogs," I mean dudes who had been aboard for at least three years and had about a year to go. There were about twelve of them. I doubt any of them were over 25, but they believed that knew every inch of the plant and every word, by chapter and verse, in the 0152 [Water Chem Manual] and 0153 [RadCon Manual]. Their self-appointed duty was to make every "nub" feel as insignificant as possible [prototypical school-ground bullies and toadies, with a gang mentallity].
The main place that they flexed their muscles was at divisional training. Our Senior Chief, "the Geek" as he was affectionately called, would assign senior [ranking] personnel to do our divisional training twice a week. Most of this fell on the first-class transfers from other ships or MM-rated prototype staff scrape-ups, who took ELT school as their C-school prior to leaving prototype [meaning that they were MM1 ELTs with NO ELT experience. These "old dogs" gleefully turned each training session into an hour long torture session where they abused these guys by asking them questions [on topic for their lectures], which they should've known the answers to, but didn't. After being aboard for a couple of months, I was in complete disbelief the day that the CRA, an O-3 and our ranking divisional officer, cut his lesson short and left the room with tears in his eyes because these guys were so good at what they did.
I was even more surprised when "Zeus," a fellow nub who'd gotten to the ship just a few weeks before me, signed up to do training on the RAM system [which he'd just taken over as his primary duty, "the RAM PO"]. First, I should describe "Zeus," who was a short roundish/stocky fellow from Puerto Rico. His only really distinguishing quality was his thick, Mexican bandito-loooking mustache, and the fact that he was the hairiest man that I had, or ever would meet [His other nickname was "Dawn of Man"]. Why would Zeus, a fellow nub, sign up for this kind of abuse?
Well the fateful day came, the division assembled in the Reactor Department Training Room, and in walked "Zeus," with his thumbs resting in his dungaree patch-pockets, and a walk that was reminiscent of Poncho Villa addressing his troops. It's hard to look back at the event without visualizing the Sombrero, dual pistols , and ammo belts across his chest that should have been there to complete the image he was projecting. He strode up to the training podium, and stared down the entire class. I was mesmerized.
He began by staring down the meanest of the "old dogs" and asking him "What does Article 703.2 of the 0153 say?" This fellow scowled at him, tongued the dip in his lower lip and began to spit out an answer. About half way through it, "Zeus" cut him off. "Wrong!!!" he shouted, "You are a stupid mother-f*%$er! It states..." and Zeus repeated it verbatim from memory. The "old dogs" were incensed. I anticipated a pack attack on my friend, rending him limb from limb, but "Zeus" swiftly moved on to the next "old dog" who looked the most incensed. He repeated the process with a different article from Chapter 7 of the 0153. He did this again and again, until the "old dogs" were all looking at their tables. He then explained "I am here to give you a lecture on Chapter 7 of the 0153. If any of you stupid mother-f*%$ers think that you know this material better than I do right now, you'd be wrong. So shut up, listen, and learn something." He then completed a comprehensive lecture on the requirements of Chapter 7 of the NAVSEA 389-0153 in complete peace. People asked relevent questions and learned things. I learned that nub was a state of mind.
Accepting the label of nub is a shackle that you put on yourself during the learning process, in deference to those from whom you seek knowledge. "Teach me. Teach me. I'm but a lowly NUB." you cry, but you'll never have all of the knowledge, and neither do those to whom you cry out. The specific information about the plant that you're studying in NNPS will never be useful to you again. Most of the specific information that you gain about your plant at NPTU will be equally useless. You'll need to learn your ship's plant inside and out so that you can do your job, but most of that information will be useless once you get out of the Navy. What these processes are teaching you is how to have the confidence that you know how to qualify on a plant. Once you realize that, then the NUB feeling goes away. You no longer NEED someone to teach you the job. You're there to get qualified, just like you know that you have done before, and will do again. I personally realized this through a one hour lecture on RAM from a fuzzy little Puertorican that I call Zeus.
Enjoy,
MGM
