Questions about having kids while in Nuke pipeline.

[snowman7200]

I completed NFAS as an MM, finished 4th overall in my class, and am currently on T-track until the end of the month when i class up for NPS.

I am a sub-vol and am hoping to get onto an SSBN out of Bangor, WA. My wife and I want to start having kids soon, so we have some chance at boys before I get on a sub. I was concerned about trying to deal with a pregnant wife and raise a newborn while in NPS and Prototype, but I DO want to be there for as much as I can. I would rather be there for the pregnancy and first few months(or weeks i suppose) of the baby's life, than miss that and be around for the 3mo-1yr stage.

I had originally thought about waiting until after my first deployment to start with kids, but after discussing it, I'm fairly sure I won't be able to guarantee being there for those above times.

Anyone been through this situation and have any advice? Things to do or not to do? Thanks in advance.

[Preciousblue1965]

Ok young Padawan......

First off, you have a 50-50-90 chance of having a boy regardless of sub duty or not.  I do not believe there has been any positive correlation between sub duty and gender of children.  I knew just as many guys who had boys as girls that were on subs. 

Secondly, I understand the whole "wanting to be there" but there is an old saying in the Navy, which has been repeated on this forum,  that "you can be there for conception or birth, but rarely for both."  Of course there are exceptions but that usually includes overhuals or shore duty. 

Thirdly, seeing as I am raising a two-year old right now, I can tell you that there isn't any period that I would want to miss, but if I had to, the first few months would probably be easiest.  They just tend to sleep most of the time and eat/poop the rest of the time, although this is the time that your wife will also need you the most.

[Chimera]

You might want to reconsider the rush to have children while still in the Navy.  Good grief, that sounds just like the advice my father gave me.  Speaking as a former nuke submarine sailor and full-time father, the Navy will put a huge strain on your marriage without the additional stressor of raising children.  I know.  Both my sons were born while I was still in the Navy (no, I didn't listen either).  The studies and homework while in school and the long deployments afterwards will weigh on both of you.

All I'm suggesting is that, given the length of your enlistment, you may want to think about delaying the onset of family-hood for a few years until you've had a better look at the life the Navy has in store for you.

[Neutron_Herder]

I truthfully don't know if there's a good time to have kids while in the Navy, unless you're on shore duty.  Having a newborn at home while you're still in the pipeline is going to make life a lot tougher for you...  both at home and at school.  You're not going to be able to get the time off to go to doctor's appointments and things of that nature.  Also, long nights with the baby are going to make you even more tired the next day at school.

There's also the financial aspect to think of.  I had my first kid when I was an ET3, and it was tough!  I'm not sure how it is now, but as a third class way back when (1991) I qualified for federal assistance... 

I'd wait until I got out to the boat and had sea pay, sub pay, and whatever other money they throw at sub guys.  It would be a significant difference in your pay, plus if you get a boomer you'll have a pretty good idea of your schedule and can plan the family accordingly.

[navsteve]

Just a side note; you have a very small chance of being assigned to a sub in Bangor.  If you request Bangor, you are most likely headed to Hawaii.

[DDMurray]

I completed NFAS as an MM, finished 4th overall in my class, and am currently on T-track until the end of the month when i class up for NPS.

I am a sub-vol and am hoping to get onto an SSBN out of Bangor, WA. My wife and I want to start having kids soon, so we have some chance at boys before I get on a sub. I was concerned about trying to deal with a pregnant wife and raise a newborn while in NPS and Prototype, but I DO want to be there for as much as I can. I would rather be there for the pregnancy and first few months(or weeks i suppose) of the baby's life, than miss that and be around for the 3mo-1yr stage.

I had originally thought about waiting until after my first deployment to start with kids, but after discussing it, I'm fairly sure I won't be able to guarantee being there for those above times.

Anyone been through this situation and have any advice? Things to do or not to do? Thanks in advance.

The thing about boys is an Urban Legend (I think).  My wife got pregnant while I was finishing up at NPTU.  She had our son while I was in refit away from home (SSBN 633B).  I got to be there for the birth and went back to the boat the day she got back from hospital.  When my daughter was born two years later I was again in refit away from home.  I didn’t make it home in time to witness the birth and left for 2 and a half months the day she got home from the hospital.  Luckily my mother-in-law stayed with her after both births.  I don’t think missing the birth caused any psychological trauma to any of us, though it would have been nice to have been there for both.  I do know it was tough on my wife when the kids were small.  Flash forward to when the kids were high school and college ages.  She hated when I went to sea and she was by herself.  Like a good husband I got her a dog.  Oh, and then I retired.  It’s really tough to give advice on kids since there are so many factors.  

The navy is a lot more family friendly now.  When my son was born I was a nub in an overmanned division, only qualified SEO.  Though not needed on the watchbill, they would only let me go up for three days so I could come back and be on the paint team.  When my daughter was born, I was a heavy-hitter on maintenance and the RPPO in a junior division so I understood a little better needing to get back.  No matter if you go to an SSBN or SSN, the command will most likely try to work with you so you can be there.  However, if the ship is deployed or on patrol it may be pretty tough.  When I was deployed on SSN 720 at the onset of GWOT, I racked out one of my guys to give him the message that he was a father.  In the end the key thing is how your wife handles you being away.  

Remember to keep practicing!  A good nuke exceeds the minimum (monthly) proficiency requirements.

This from the HKNS (Hong Kong No Shi^^er) archives:  Had a LTjg on the 633 who was convinced the odds were against him having a boy so he did lots of fertility research.  He ended up always wearing boxers and performing his husbandly duties doggie-style with a rubber band around his right (might have been left) testicle.  Not sure why he shared that with us.  It must have worked because his wife had a boy.

[snowman7200]

Thank you all for the advice, I agree with everything you guys said. My wife doesn't though.

[LivinginParadise]

Just a side note; you have a very small chance of being assigned to a sub in Bangor.  If you request Bangor, you are most likely headed to Hawaii.

Don't try to play the "outsmart the detailer game." It doesn't work. Put in for places you think you can deal with living for four years, not necessarily the class of boat.

Take me for example. I graduated at the top of my class, so IN THEORY, I should have had my choice of duty station. As such, I requested at the top of my dream sheet, a 688(i) out of Pearl [for those playing the home game, i requested 688(i) at the bottom of my dream sheet]. So what did I get? (Learn this phrase...) Malicious Compliance. I got a 688(i) out of Pearl that will deploy  one more time, then go to the yards... in NH for the rest of my enlistment...

Seriously though, there's a paragraph area at the bottom of the dream sheets for you to write what you want as far as special requests. For the most part, especially for the single sailor, your words are worth less than the ink you wrote them with. However, if you do well at prototype, and you give the detailer a compelling reason for a certain duty station or class of boat, you stand a good chance of getting it. Just remember, beggers can't be choosers. So be prepared to get a boomer out of kings bay instead.

[LivinginParadise]

As an afterthought... if you're dead set on Bangor, and time with your wife, you could always ask for a Seawolf class without volunteering for special projects. Then, if the detailer is having a good day, you have a  50/50 shot of ending up on a certain boat who almost never leaves the pier...

[Samabby]

The big question- how old are you and the mrs? 

[snowman7200]

The big question- how old are you and the mrs? 

I'm 21, but will probably be about 23 before I get to a ship. She turns 21 around spring break.

[Samabby]

Wait until you get through the pipe and she graduates. Thank me later.  Good luck, son.

[mostlyharmless]

Well said marssim. Remember at one time or another, on one level or another everyone is an idiot.(Adams,the creator of Dilbert). I know this from personal experience. Many times. But to the point, bond,promise,and trust: you make sacrifices,you do what you must , what you can, and sometimes what you want. You are thinking about someone other than yourself(snowman and marssim) its nice to see. Good luck. Wish I could help but the closest I ever came to the fleet was a father with twenty years retired.

[snowman7200]

As an afterthought... if you're dead set on Bangor, and time with your wife, you could always ask for a Seawolf class without volunteering for special projects. Then, if the detailer is having a good day, you have a  50/50 shot of ending up on a certain boat who almost never leaves the pier...

What sub might that be? And why?

[withroaj]

What sub might that be? And why?

The answer to that question is toeing the OPSEC line too closely.  I'd recommend submitting to the idea that you're going to sea (it is the Navy, might as well give it a shot, eh?).  They didn't put reactors on ships to leave 'em in port now, did they?

You can shoot for a Pre-Commissioning Unit if you want some time to adapt to a ship before going to sea, or you can find a carrier going in for refueling and potentially do a full enlistment without a day at sea.  Keep in mind, though, that the U.S. Navy has roughly 85 nuclear powered ships in commission or under construction, and that over 70 of those are submarines.  Chances are, you're going to spend some time at sea.

...Or I just misinterpreted your question and it was just genuine curiosity about the status of one of our fancy SEAWOLF boats.  If so I'm truly sorry.

[snowman7200]

The answer to that question is toeing the OPSEC line too closely.  I'd recommend submitting to the idea that you're going to sea (it is the Navy, might as well give it a shot, eh?).  They didn't put reactors on ships to leave 'em in port now, did they?

You can shoot for a Pre-Commissioning Unit if you want some time to adapt to a ship before going to sea, or you can find a carrier going in for refueling and potentially do a full enlistment without a day at sea.  Keep in mind, though, that the U.S. Navy has roughly 85 nuclear powered ships in commission or under construction, and that over 70 of those are submarines.  Chances are, you're going to spend some time at sea.

...Or I just misinterpreted your question and it was just genuine curiosity about the status of one of our fancy SEAWOLF boats.  If so I'm truly sorry.

No, I had fully planned on spending quite a bit of time at sea. Not looking forward to it, but I expected as much. I was genuinely curious about the boat in question.

[withroaj]

Yeah... probably best not to talk about the schedule of any given ship.  It probably won't affect you in the long run anyway.

Try to look forward to time at sea.  There's an appeal to it, though I can't say that I really enjoy it.  It's kind of cool to be able to turn off the real world for a while and just do the job they pay us to do.  You just have to learn to be confident in your situation at home, know that your wife will do well while you're away, and appreciate whatever time you spend wherever you spend it.

Being a nuke you might never get the urge to go up into the bridge during surface transits.  Go up there.  Stand some topside lookout U/I's.  Few experiences in my life compare to sitting on the sail of a fast attack at sea.  Going topside to take swipes is pretty sweet, too.

Make sure you have fun with it, or you won't have any fun with it .

[DDMurray]

The answer to that question is toeing the OPSEC line too closely.  I'd recommend submitting to the idea that you're going to sea (it is the Navy, might as well give it a shot, eh?).  They didn't put reactors on ships to leave 'em in port now, did they?

You can shoot for a Pre-Commissioning Unit if you want some time to adapt to a ship before going to sea, or you can find a carrier going in for refueling and potentially do a full enlistment without a day at sea.  Keep in mind, though, that the U.S. Navy has roughly 85 nuclear powered ships in commission or under construction, and that over 70 of those are submarines.  Chances are, you're going to spend some time at sea.

...Or I just misinterpreted your question and it was just genuine curiosity about the status of one of our fancy SEAWOLF boats.  If so I'm truly sorry.

Under no circumstances would I recommend new conn as a first command.

[withroaj]

Under no circumstances would I recommend new conn as a first command.

I could not agree with you more.

[Neutron_Herder]

Just to chime in...  Definitely don't do a new commissioning as your first ship!

You could do your six years and never really qualify your watches, and never see the plant up. Even if you were to stay in you'd be a couple of years behind your peers that went to sea.

Same goes for refueling overhauls, though not quite as bad.

[playswithairplanes]

That whole "all girl babies" thing is just BS ol' wives tale.  My first (a son) was born while I was in serving on a sub. I was there for the birth, but not the first few months of his life. My second two were after I was out (by a decade for the 2nd and 14 years for the 3rd) and both are girls.

Putting something on your dreamsheet is a crapshoot. I went to prototype in Idaho. I requested Charleston, Groton, and San Diego... I got Bangor. Feh... worked for me.

Having kids while you are in is TOUGH. In the pipeline makes a hard thing even harder. Wait until you are to your first command. You'll have more money, a bit better conditions, and more importantly SHE will have a better support network in the other wives on the boat. Keep in mind you WILL be gone at least half the year regardless of class of boat you get, maybe more, but not less (provided you're not in the yards in which case it's the cursed "in port" but you'll WISH you were underway). Regardless your wife will HAVE to get to be self sufficient. If she isn't now, GET HER THERE. If she needs you to take here everywhere, break her of that habit NOW. You are freaking casper once you are on the boat. You might be there, but you really aren't there. She's going to have to deal with the dog puking, the car busted, the dishwasher spewing dishes across the house, etc all with out you. Make sure she can do that now.

PreComm isn't bad if you get there at the endish, sea trials are a bit of a beeotch, but stuff like DASO is kinda fun. Certainly not the first crew up though.

[crusemm]

Regardless your wife will HAVE to get to be self sufficient. If she isn't now, GET HER THERE. If she needs you to take here everywhere, break her of that habit NOW. You are freaking casper once you are on the boat. You might be there, but you really aren't there. She's going to have to deal with the dog puking, the car busted, the dishwasher spewing dishes across the house, etc all with out you. Make sure she can do that now.

Amen Brother.  I've often thought, for every sea service ribbon, NAM, or stripe I got, my wife should have gotten one right alongside me.  When I finally got to shore duty and saw what she really did, I couldn't believe it.  The next week I bought her a ring with the biggest rock I could afford.

[goobs22xx]

My wife and I had our second child while I was a student at NPTU. It wasn't easy, by any stretch, but we made it.

I can't offer you a comparison to the fleet, as I haven't been there yet. I'm on the tail end of a SPU tour and about to start STA-21 now.

Its doable. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

[Neutron_Dodger]

We had our first child while I was in prototype.  Then our second while I was in the STA21 program.  We were older than you guys, though.  I highly recommend that you not get married until after you are 23-24...but since you already are married, not too helpful.  That being said, I recommend that you guys wait at least 2-3 years of marriage before you have kids.  There is no good time to have kids (as previously mentioned) and you will never be ready (financially or mentally/emotionally)  you just do it.  We did the WIC program in 2001-2002 while I was a E3-E5 then I was no longer eligible.

BTW... I had two boys.

[dave in St. Louis]

Don't try to play the "outsmart the detailer game." It doesn't work. Put in for places you think you can deal with living for four years, not necessarily the class of boat.

Take me for example. I graduated at the top of my class, so IN THEORY, I should have had my choice of duty station. As such, I requested at the top of my dream sheet, a 688(i) out of Pearl [for those playing the home game, i requested 688(i) at the bottom of my dream sheet]. So what did I get? (Learn this phrase...) Malicious Compliance. I got a 688(i) out of Pearl that will deploy  one more time, then go to the yards... in NH for the rest of my enlistment...

Heh...

When we were at Prototype (S8G), I put in for a Boomer out of Bangor.  I got sent, in what I'm convinced was a joke by my detailer, to a Boomer out of Bangor with a hull number the same as the last three of my Social Security Number.

[KUrunner]

Having kids while you are in is TOUGH. In the pipeline makes a hard thing even harder. Wait until you are to your first command. You'll have more money, a bit better conditions, and more importantly SHE will have a better support network in the other wives on the boat. Keep in mind you WILL be gone at least half the year regardless of class of boat you get, maybe more, but not less (provided you're not in the yards in which case it's the cursed "in port" but you'll WISH you were underway). Regardless your wife will HAVE to get to be self sufficient. If she isn't now, GET HER THERE. If she needs you to take here everywhere, break her of that habit NOW. You are freaking casper once you are on the boat. You might be there, but you really aren't there. She's going to have to deal with the dog puking, the car busted, the dishwasher spewing dishes across the house, etc all with out you. Make sure she can do that now.

This.

As a prior nuke and current nuke wife with two kids, I can assure you that the above statement is the most important thing, even while you're still in the pipeline.  If she can't go to the grocery store without you, she can't go to the grocery store with screaming baby. 

You WILL be gone.  I don't know if you'll miss the birth, the first steps, the soccer game, Christmas, but you WILL be gone.  Accept it and spend time with your family when you are home instead of zoned out playing WoW or drinking with your friends. 

And once you do have kids, be prepared to help out with those middle of the night diaper changes even if you are working 12+ hour days and have to get up before the buttcrack of dawn.  Your wife will thank you. 

[fireb0x]

I really appreciate this thread because it has so much to do with my situation. I am getting ready to head into bootcamp with my wife and 2 kids (1 and half and a few months) at the time of my entry.

I'll be 25 and although I know it is going to be a challenge, I have had some reassurance from people who have been through it with kids. I have lots of school under my belt and my study habits and focus are much different than I would imagine an 18 or 20 year olds would be.

I consider myself to be as mature as this program will require me to be considering the family I bring into the program.

I know I have the focus, and I know it will be hard, but I would love to hear what you guys advice might be on my situation?

I would love to be part of the nuke program, but I do get nervous/concerned when I think about it sometimes. Am I better off not even trying? Should I try and shy away from this program and be a CT-N (another program I am interested in)? I want to be part of the nuke program and proudly say I am a nuke, but I worry that as smart as I am, I am choosing the wrong field for a family...

[HydroDave63]

I want to be part of the nuke program and proudly say I am a nuke, but I worry that as smart as I am, I am choosing the wrong field for a family...

Cryptos also go to sea. Perhaps you need to reevaluate and pick a different branch?

"I expect and demand your very best. Anything less, you should have joined the Air Force."

[fireb0x]

Cryptos also go to sea. Perhaps you need to reevaluate and pick a different branch?

"I expect and demand your very best. Anything less, you should have joined the Air Force."

I don't give anything but my best effort. The only way I wash out of that nuke program is if I don't do any work. I know I have the focus, study habits, and diligence to make it through the program, it is only the family aspect that I worry about sometimes.

I didn't join the Navy expecting to be at home all the time, I just wondered if Nukes are away any more or less than anyone else.

Part of that will depend on my wife, I know, but waiting several months and reading these forums raises questions and concerns.

Maybe I am reading this forum too much and not staying as confident as I should be?

Why do you want to be in the Navy nuke program?

(there should be at least three good reasons other than "I want to serve my country", bosun's, mess specialists and Marines serve their country too)

I suppose I could humor this and rattle off a list to "prove" that I really should be looking at being a nuke. Instead of doing that, I'll just say that it seems like there is a great deal of respect for what Nukes do for the Navy and I want to be a part of that. I want to be part of what makes these ships and subs operate. I want to learn all the complicated math, physics, and chemistry stuff that can be thrown at me because that's part of what I love. I love problem solving and I love learning things that others find difficult.

Most of all, I want to take steps toward success and I think it would be a great step in that direction.

I want to excel educationally, professionally, and make sure my family is taken care of. I suppose those would be a few of the reasons.

Whether they are good enough or not, I dunno, but I do know that it feels like the challenge is something I was made for.

[fireb0x]

More than almost anybody else,....

Less than very few,....

First off, you did humor this and rattled off a list,....

Your reasons are all good reasons, hang on to them, most people have to reflect on why they are doing the NNPP to themselves at one point or the other during their service, married people with children doubly so,....in my experience,....

Second off, don't humor me, you come here asking for advice from people who have been there and done that and what you should expect. You are the person raising the question of doubt, and if a career path such as crypto might be better for the success of your family versus the nuclear Navy as you fulfill your contracted term of enlistment. Quite frankly I never had that doubt, I absolutely wanted to be a nuke from the day they told me I could not be one and I never quit until I got it. And then some fat bastard ETC section advisor told me I would never be an ELT, so I did that too. And, quite frankly, I found the Navy suited me quite well. Then I acquired a wife, and then some children, and the nuclear Navy was significantly at odds with the needs of my family. I was destined to be an 8 or 9 year E-7 and the Navy world was my oyster,.....

I got out at 8 years, 2 months, 3 days and EAOS.

Because my family came first,....

There are Navy careers, and there are nuclear Navy careers,....

They are more dissimilar than similar,...

Some day, when you're steaming out in the middle of a liberty port with no shore power after your wife flew across two continents to be with you,....you will understand,....

Knowing what you know, would you still have become a Nuke if you were taking a wife and two kids into that life with you?

[fireb0x]

Nope.

You don't know how much I appreciate the straight answer. I've been looking for it for a very long time. Thanks!

[Marlin]

Nope.

I'll second that, I heard "Your wife did not come in your Sea Bag" more often than I cared to.

[fireb0x]

I'll second that, I heard "Your wife did not come in your Sea Bag" more often than I cared to.

Nope.

What do you guys think about Crypto Techs (CTN)?

Is that a bit more suited for a family person? I know the Navy itself may not be a great fit for family, but I am asking for the sake of helping me decide.

[crusemm]

It depends.  CT's still deploy, they still have to be away from home, they still have highly technical and sometimes dangerous jobs, and there may be little application for your job skills (outside of another type of government service) after you leave the Navy.  Nuke has the benefit of demonstrating to future employers that you have an ability to learn, to adapt, and to overcome significant challenges, which in their eyes makes you a desirable employee.

[fireb0x]

It depends.  CT's still deploy, they still have to be away from home, they still have highly technical and sometimes dangerous jobs, and there may be little application for your job skills (outside of another type of government service) after you leave the Navy.  Nuke has the benefit of demonstrating to future employers that you have an ability to learn, to adapt, and to overcome significant challenges, which in their eyes makes you a desirable employee.

Do CTNs deploy much less than Nukes, though? I don't expect to be in the military and not deploy, but does deployment occur less often, is it less likely?

It seems that being deployed is a foregone conclusion as a nuke, but CTNs seem to have the chance at being deployed very often, but also have the possibility of being deployed few times.

I know this is a "depends on the situation" kind of thing, but I ask the question as "in general."

[sovbob]

CTNs do not have the traditional Sea-Shore rotation schedule that nukes are so familiar with.  Instead, they use a CONUS-OCONUS rotation.  (CONUS = Continental, OCONUS = Outside Continental US). 

It's my understanding that CTNs have very little opportunities to go to sea.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081113104926AAYCM2G

[fireb0x]

CTNs do not have the traditional Sea-Shore rotation schedule that nukes are so familiar with.  Instead, they use a CONUS-OCONUS rotation.  (CONUS = Continental, OCONUS = Outside Continental US). 

It's my understanding that CTNs have very little opportunities to go to sea.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081113104926AAYCM2G

Sounds like a family man kinda job, eh?

Not as awesome as being a nuke, but if family is high on the list of importance, this seems like a great option.

[HydroDave63]

What advice did they give on CryptoWorker.com?

[fireb0x]

What advice did they give on CryptoWorker.com?

Sorry for the crypto talk. Big decision in my life and you guys are good way to get the truth. I feel like the people at my recruiting station are BSing me about it all. I know I'll never know unless I experience it myself, but I wouldn't be responsible if I didn't try to find out as much as I could.

I'll ask no more CTN questions.

[wlrun3@aol.com]

They're salesmen. They're just doing their job. Some customers get the deal they wanted, others get totally bamboozled. The bamboozled are typically the usual suspects.

this is a forum test thankyou

[Neutron_Herder]

I don't know many CTs anymore, but I think this little anecdote can put it in perspective.

I went to a CT friend's reenlistment, and out of over 20 people there were only three warfare pins in the group...  Me, the LCPO, and the CWO (who used to be a CT).

As a CT you don't really have to go to sea.  If you want to get promoted, you'll go to sea though.  From what I remember there was actually a waiting list to go TO sea! 

[Mike_Koehler]

I'll second that, I heard "Your wife did not come in your Sea Bag" more often than I cared to.

I'll third the nope....... and add to that. I don't know many CT's, the ones I do know have had problems staying married. As one of them put it, it is hard to have a trusting relationship with your spouse when it is basically your job to keep secrets. Trust becomes a large issue...... Just another random voice in the mess that is my mind....

Mike

[SweetPea]

I know I've come late to this party but I feel I should put my two cents in for future readers.

My husband is a nuke currently stationed on the Stennis in Bremerton, Wa. After graduating NNPTC he was placed on hold for a few months while waiting to start up at NPTU. We decided we would take that time and try to get pregnant. Well, the first time was a charm. He started Prototype about a month or two into my pregnancy. While in Prototype you have a pretty set schedule and you get a copy of it so you'll always know what date and shifts you'll have  we were able to schedule my doctor appointments around that.

Fast forward 6 months and he graduates NPTU and we are being moved to Washington. This was where our planning faltered. Packing all our belongings on a truck is not pleasant at 8 months pregnant.  He had 30 days of leave so we took that time driving down to our home in Florida to spend a week there. Then drove all the way to Washington.  Being that pregnant and sitting in a car for long periods of time was a pain in the ass. Literally.

We get to Washington with 4 days left of his leave and attempt to get the house put together. We take our time thinking we had time. Well, he reports and finds out he is going underway.

[gim73]

Yeah, that sounds like a bad deal getting deployed three weeks after you check into a command, but it's not.  I got a boomer out of bangor and checked in just as the other crew left with the boat.  It's a lot better to just dive into your sea duty right away than have an off-crew period where you are expected to show progress and no boat to actually learn from. Off crew is great for training theory, but really blows when it comes to getting UI watches, learning systems and various practical factors.  It's just a recipe for getting dink.  I enjoyed my offcrew time, but I regretted it later.

As for the OP... I always say don't get married period in the navy.  Chances are that it's gonna end in failure and she's gonna be off sleeping with some guy who's there for her all the time.  I've watched it happen dozens of times.  Like clockwork, every refit resist we hear who is getting a divorce and the reason (which is almost always unfaithfulness).  My advice?  Live with her for a year and a half to two years while at sea, and see if she can handle being a navy wife before marrying her.  If she passes that test, then go for kids.  It might sound like I have no faith in people, but every one of my friends in the navy that I attended their wedding, a while later I watched get a divorce.  A few of them popped out kids and now those kids have to grow up in a weird situation.

[Gamecock]

Yeah, that sounds like a bad deal getting deployed three weeks after you check into a command, but it's not.  I got a boomer out of bangor and checked in just as the other crew left with the boat.  It's a lot better to just dive into your sea duty right away than have an off-crew period where you are expected to show progress and no boat to actually learn from. Off crew is great for training theory, but really blows when it comes to getting UI watches, learning systems and various practical factors.  It's just a recipe for getting dink.  I enjoyed my offcrew time, but I regretted it later.

As for the OP... I always say don't get married period in the navy.  Chances are that it's gonna end in failure and she's gonna be off sleeping with some guy who's there for her all the time.  I've watched it happen dozens of times.  Like clockwork, every refit resist we hear who is getting a divorce and the reason (which is almost always unfaithfulness).  My advice?  Live with her for a year and a half to two years while at sea, and see if she can handle being a navy wife before marrying her.  If she passes that test, then go for kids.  It might sound like I have no faith in people, but every one of my friends in the navy that I attended their wedding, a while later I watched get a divorce.  A few of them popped out kids and now those kids have to grow up in a weird situation.

Not to discount your experiences, but I disagree with you when saying "Don't get married in the navy ever."  I married by wife when we were 19, back in 1992.  It was on a 4-off at NPTU just prior to reporting to my first ship.  We just celebrated our 18th anniversary last month, and I love her as much today as the day I married her.  Of the folks I served with who got married while in the navy, I know more that are still together then not still together. 

Divorce rate outside the navy is roughly 50%....I'm not sure what it is in the navy, but I'd bet it is comparable. 

My point is this, if your marriage is grounded on spiritual principles, and both of you  actually strive to honor the vows you state at the alter in front of God and family and friends, then your marriage is likely to survive even the most trying of issues. 

My wife and I have had problems during our 18 years....but DIVORCE is a word that neither one of us was ever willing to say.  We make a choice every day to love each other no matter what.

Cheers,
GC

[KUrunner]

Chances are that it's gonna end in failure and she's gonna be off sleeping with some guy who's there for her all the time.  I've watched it happen dozens of times.  Like clockwork, every refit resist we hear who is getting a divorce and the reason (which is almost always unfaithfulness). 

That's not a very nice assumption about Navy wives.  Yeah, some women are going to cheat, but men cheat just as often.  I know quite a few guys who chose not to keep it in their pants during deployments.

As far as being married while in the Navy goes, I agree with Gamecock 100%.  It's hard, but if it's worth it, you make it work.

[SweetPea]

My previous post was cut off. I'm trying to do this on an iPhone.

My husband went underway and made it back 5 days before I gave birth to our son. So he was able to be there and he took his 10 days maternity leave.

He's at work Monday through Friday 0600 - 1800. Sometimes on Saturday or Sunday if he has duty. They're on 4 section duty right now. So he does miss his doctors appointments but he spends as much time with him as he can when he gets home. He'll be going on deployment next July and will be doing some short underways starting the beginning of the year.

Your experience with having children in the Navy will be different. It all depends on the boat you'll be stationed on. You could get lucky and your boat will be dry-docked for a while.

This was our experience. No two situations will be the same.

And as for getting married in the Navy. I think that if there really is love in the relationship it will last. My husband and I were engaged after knowing each other for 3 days and married after less than two months.

Yes, many people thought we were crazy but we are going on two years and couldn't be happier. We grew up in the same town and had never met. My best friend and his best friend were dating and introduced us on his leave. It was the best decision we had both ever made. He is my best friend and the greatest man I have ever met. Once again, everyone's experience will be different. It's however you want to make it.

[JsonD13]

You could get lucky and your boat will be dry-docked for a while.

From my experience, there is no better deal being stationed in dry dock.  I worked more hours and had higher stress than my counterparts at sea.

Jason

[gim73]

My previous post was cut off. I'm trying to do this on an iPhone.

My husband went underway and made it back 5 days before I gave birth to our son. So he was able to be there and he took his 10 days maternity leave.

He's at work Monday through Friday 0600 - 1800. Sometimes on Saturday or Sunday if he has duty. They're on 4 section duty right now. So he does miss his doctors appointments but he spends as much time with him as he can when he gets home. He'll be going on deployment next July and will be doing some short underways starting the beginning of the year.

Your experience with having children in the Navy will be different. It all depends on the boat you'll be stationed on. You could get lucky and your boat will be dry-docked for a while.

This was our experience. No two situations will be the same.

And as for getting married in the Navy. I think that if there really is love in the relationship it will last. My husband and I were engaged after knowing each other for 3 days and married after less than two months.

Yes, many people thought we were crazy but we are going on two years and couldn't be happier. We grew up in the same town and had never met. My best friend and his best friend were dating and introduced us on his leave. It was the best decision we had both ever made. He is my best friend and the greatest man I have ever met. Once again, everyone's experience will be different. It's however you want to make it.

That IS a fast meet/engage/marriage.  I'm not going to bash into an idealistic view of love.  There can be love and plenty of trouble.  It doesn't fix all problems.  Really, it comes down to a lack of maturity.  Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder.  It makes the heart look yonder.  It might seem strange, but quite a few of the people on the boat that had real relationship problems (cheating, lying, etc...) stayed together while others got divorced over tiny things.  When you are 20 years old you might feel like you are responsible, but especially then you should take some time before diving into a lifelong decision like marriage or kids.  And if you ever think about doing it to increase your paycheck, you should just slap yourself in the face right away.  That is definitely a sign that you are NOT mature enough for these actions.

The wives have it hard at home raising the child alone, but I've also seen effects on the boat.  Some fathers really have a hard time leaving their kids at home and not seeing them for several months.  Sometimes this causes physical effects as bad as sickness.  It's a hard thing to miss your children actually growing up.  A few guys I know actually got out for exactly this reason.

[Contract SRO]

My point is this, if your marriage is grounded on spiritual principles, and both of you  actually strive to honor the vows you state at the alter in front of God and family and friends, then your marriage is likely to survive even the most trying of issues. 

My wife and I have had problems during our 18 years....but DIVORCE is a word that neither one of us was ever willing to say.  We make a choice every day to love each other no matter what.

GC

Your comments are right on the money whether someone is in the military or not.  It takes love but it also takes an attitude of no matter what we will make it together.

[MMM]

If you're on a carrier, it's not as bad being away. We have cool things like the internet, email, and a post office to send and receive mail "regularly." Don't get me wrong, it's still rough. Carriers also do something called the United Through Reading program, where you can make a video of yourself reading books and send the video home. There are books to use or you can provide your own, which is what I did, so I was able to send the books home, too.

[SweetPea]

I think it all depends on the maturity of the two people involved and the willingness to make it work come hell or high water.

Marriages don't always need to be based spiritually. My husband and I choose not to follow any religion and we made our vows to each other.

We choose not to argue over little things and talk about the big things. Marriage isn't easy and it takes a lot of hard work. A military marriage is even harder. The question is whether or not the two parties want to put in the effort and make it work no matter what. Having a child might make that even more difficult, but gives you all the more reason to stay together.

[IPREGEN]

Some things you just have to figure out for your self
Marriage is a challenge anyway
Married in the Navy is a bigger challenge
Married, in the navy and trying to study to pass Nuke school is even a bigger challenge.
Now add a baby to that.

You should take a look in the mirror, this forum is not the resource for right or wrong answers for when you should have a baby. It's up to you to be responsible enough to handle everything.

[dad]

Cryptos also go to sea. Perhaps you need to reevaluate and pick a different branch?

"I expect and demand your very best. Anything less, you should have joined the Air Force."

Hey, now.  The Navy chief at my son's recruiting center, apparently not sub-surface rated, shared that 50 men go to sea in a submarine,
and 25 couples come back.  Far be it from me to argue with a Navy chief.  But even after that my son went Navy NF over Air Force.

Go figure.

[HydroDave63]

Hey, now.  The Navy chief at my son's recruiting center, apparently not sub-surface rated, shared that 50 men go to sea in a submarine,
and 25 couples come back.  Far be it from me to argue with a Navy chief.  But even after that my son went Navy NF over Air Force.

Go figure.

That's usually described as 120 men go on patrol, 57 couples come back, 3 are getting a divorce. Discussion in detail is in Gold Member, for only 10 cents a day!

[dad]

That's usually described as 120 men go on patrol, 57 couples come back, 3 are getting a divorce. Discussion in detail is in Gold Member, for only 10 cents a day!

Not sure I could take this kind of stimulation everyday.

No mater how much you paid me.   

[Marlin]

Not sure I could take this kind of stimulation everyday.

No mater how much you paid me.   

A thick skin is a good thing when you have a hundred young men with above average IQs. Especially when head games, practical jokes, and one upmanship is the order of the day.

[mizzyung]

Thank you all for the advice, I agree with everything you guys said. My wife doesn't though.

I didn't takt the time to read every single post, but to offer my general advice from  wife's point of view on the situation;

My husband and I got married while I was in power school and I became pregnant shortly there after and he began Power school. After consideration (and the fact that ETs generally make more money than MMs) I got out of the Navy to care for the baby. Whether or not it is a good idea for you is up to you and your wife and how much she understands the Navy. Being in made it easier to understand (although still hormonal) where he was coming from in a lot of aspects of being pregnant while my husband was in the pipeline. IT IS NO WHERE NEAR PEACHES AND CREAM!! It's also not all horrible if you have a strong wife. Power School and Prototype (especially prototype) are now more recently consider the "ultimate test" on the strength of your marriage because even without a child, the hours, the studying, the rotating shift work is A LOT to adjust to for a new to the navy world wife. I myself, have done a lot of counseling with both "wives to the pipeline" pregnant, with children, and without and it's safe to say all would agree PROTOTYPE is the worst! It's not very family oriented, and is probably the toughest leg (family wise) of the pipeline both as a student and a SPU. I had one son while my husband was a student and another while he was a SPU and if I had decided again, during prototype is NOT A GOOD IDEA. Even as one of the top students in his classes, the Hours and shifts are just hard for a wife to adjust to, especially a pregnant one because it is really a wear on your body no matter how much you try and avoid it. There were times when my husband qualified everything over a month early as a student and spent the next month cake-walking almost always home to where I didn't see him my entire 8th month of pregnancy as a top instructor except for maybe 15min a day between sleeping and going to work. My suggestion is to wait until after prototype bc that place is a test of strengths on any marriage without the worries of pregnancy and children and no matter how ready or it you or your wife may feel, that place is real good at throwing curve balls. Then you and your wife should sit and evaluate the best time for both of you after you are assigned your next command (or picked up staff if that is what you wish) and see what kind of boat it will be and the type of schedule you may be on.

And Yes, Boomers are quite nice!

Best of luck to you and the misses!!  feel free to have her ask anything she may be wondering from the wives side

[Cycoticpenguin]

I didn't takt the time to read every single post, but to offer my general advice from  wife's point of view on the situation;

My husband and I got married while I was in power school and I became pregnant shortly there after and he began Power school. After consideration (and the fact that ETs generally make more money than MMs) I got out of the Navy to care for the baby. Whether or not it is a good idea for you is up to you and your wife and how much she understands the Navy. Being in made it easier to understand (although still hormonal) where he was coming from in a lot of aspects of being pregnant while my husband was in the pipeline. IT IS NO WHERE NEAR PEACHES AND CREAM!! It's also not all horrible if you have a strong wife. Power School and Prototype (especially prototype) are now more recently consider the "ultimate test" on the strength of your marriage because even without a child, the hours, the studying, the rotating shift work is A LOT to adjust to for a new to the navy world wife. I myself, have done a lot of counseling with both "wives to the pipeline" pregnant, with children, and without and it's safe to say all would agree PROTOTYPE is the worst! It's not very family oriented, and is probably the toughest leg (family wise) of the pipeline both as a student and a SPU. I had one son while my husband was a student and another while he was a SPU and if I had decided again, during prototype is NOT A GOOD IDEA. Even as one of the top students in his classes, the Hours and shifts are just hard for a wife to adjust to, especially a pregnant one because it is really a wear on your body no matter how much you try and avoid it. There were times when my husband qualified everything over a month early as a student and spent the next month cake-walking almost always home to where I didn't see him my entire 8th month of pregnancy as a top instructor except for maybe 15min a day between sleeping and going to work. My suggestion is to wait until after prototype bc that place is a test of strengths on any marriage without the worries of pregnancy and children and no matter how ready or it you or your wife may feel, that place is real good at throwing curve balls. Then you and your wife should sit and evaluate the best time for both of you after you are assigned your next command (or picked up staff if that is what you wish) and see what kind of boat it will be and the type of schedule you may be on.

And Yes, Boomers are quite nice!

Best of luck to you and the misses!!  feel free to have her ask anything she may be wondering from the wives side

I would like to remind OP that this is a fairly narrow view of the navy. She was married to a SPU who came home every night (whether or not she got to spend much quality time is beside the point), and is on a boomer that has a set rotational schedule. Easy? No.  Easier then a fast attack or carrier? Yes. Spending 6-8/9 months out to sea at a time is a little harder then KNOWING when your  schedules are going to rotate around. My ship had a 6 month deployment, followed by a ship yard period for 2 months,  then 2 months later we were on another 7 month deployment.

Again, before feathers get ruffled, Im not saying this was easy for her, but I am saying she does have it better then she thinks she does.  And in no way shape or form is power school or prototype the "proving grounds" for a marriage.

[mizzyung]

Having kids while at a shore command is I'm sure easier than a sea command, but I just don't want him to think that while in the pipline (in more recent years) your training comes first and just because you are on shore and home everyday doesn't mean you are going to be there as much as you would like to. I had my first while my husband was in power school and I gave birth Friday morning and he got that day off and had to be back in class and putting in hours that same Monday. Unless death or serious illness, training always comes first and you will hear "because it's your job" over and over when wondering why you can't be at this appointment or that. Sacrifices are still going to have to be made and stress is added on top of the stress from the pipeline as with any new baby.

Best wishes!!

@Charlie Murphy, I know I've had it good but I also know many who were in my same position that weren't so lucky.

[mizzyung]

Oh, I meant to give you an idea of what time period I'm speaking from;

My power school son is 3 and SPU son is just 1 and we just transferred less than 6 months ago.