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Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Totally frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hit the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the door bell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little Angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree fat man?" And that my friends is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree!
Two strangers were seated next to each other on the plane when the first guy turned to the second and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The second guy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, took off his glasses and said to the first guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the first guy. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said the second guy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the first guy. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said the second guy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
