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Offline JessJen

Dear President Bush...
« on: Jan 19, 2005, 05:39 »
Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need
some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws
and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male
and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned
in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite
them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is
an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
"degrees"
of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if
I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to
all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.
24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair,
like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev.
20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Atomic_Punk

  • Guest
Re: Dear President Bush...
« Reply #1 on: Jan 20, 2005, 03:38 »
:D

Offline Phurst

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Re: Dear President Bush...
« Reply #2 on: Jan 20, 2005, 10:39 »
Ouch! Who'd want to own Canadians?
Today is the best day of my life! HSIITBS!


'For the quality of owning freezes you forever into "I" and cuts you off forever from the "we". - Steinbeck

Offline JessJen

Re: Dear President Bush...
« Reply #3 on: Jan 20, 2005, 10:47 »
Ouch! Who'd want to own Canadians?


BUT DADDYYYYYYY I NEED I want I got to have my very own HOCKEY PLAYER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Ill feed him and water him and treat him nice. I promise you wont have to flush him like the fishes or the snake or the hamster. :D:D:D

wolf459

  • Guest
Re: Dear President Bush...
« Reply #4 on: Jan 24, 2005, 11:36 »



BUT DADDYYYYYYY I NEED I want I got to have my very own HOCKEY PLAYER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Ill feed him and water him and treat him nice. I promise you wont have to flush him like the fishes or the snake or the hamster. :D:D:D
Just remember to mush up the food so's they can eats it.

Surveyors_mato

  • Guest
Re: Dear President Bush...
« Reply #5 on: Feb 24, 2005, 05:15 »
This one is good JJ.

Dear Pres, Bush,

   Exactlly how stupid do you think we are. Obviously very. Well we the people, not me the individual, re-elected you so you probably think we are all pretty damn dumb. I will say that the new smoke screen against Irans Nukes is a good one. Who would have thought of that one. Sounds alot like the whole WMD thing that you pulled with your vedetta against Iraq. Let's see, other than the Germans, who bites on this one.

  Anyway, hows the new Sec-o-state working out? Tell everyone I know I said hi. :P

 


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