Questions about having kids while in Nuke pipeline.

[KUrunner]

Having kids while you are in is TOUGH. In the pipeline makes a hard thing even harder. Wait until you are to your first command. You'll have more money, a bit better conditions, and more importantly SHE will have a better support network in the other wives on the boat. Keep in mind you WILL be gone at least half the year regardless of class of boat you get, maybe more, but not less (provided you're not in the yards in which case it's the cursed "in port" but you'll WISH you were underway). Regardless your wife will HAVE to get to be self sufficient. If she isn't now, GET HER THERE. If she needs you to take here everywhere, break her of that habit NOW. You are freaking casper once you are on the boat. You might be there, but you really aren't there. She's going to have to deal with the dog puking, the car busted, the dishwasher spewing dishes across the house, etc all with out you. Make sure she can do that now.

This.

As a prior nuke and current nuke wife with two kids, I can assure you that the above statement is the most important thing, even while you're still in the pipeline.  If she can't go to the grocery store without you, she can't go to the grocery store with screaming baby. 

You WILL be gone.  I don't know if you'll miss the birth, the first steps, the soccer game, Christmas, but you WILL be gone.  Accept it and spend time with your family when you are home instead of zoned out playing WoW or drinking with your friends. 

And once you do have kids, be prepared to help out with those middle of the night diaper changes even if you are working 12+ hour days and have to get up before the buttcrack of dawn.  Your wife will thank you. 

[fireb0x]

I really appreciate this thread because it has so much to do with my situation. I am getting ready to head into bootcamp with my wife and 2 kids (1 and half and a few months) at the time of my entry.

I'll be 25 and although I know it is going to be a challenge, I have had some reassurance from people who have been through it with kids. I have lots of school under my belt and my study habits and focus are much different than I would imagine an 18 or 20 year olds would be.

I consider myself to be as mature as this program will require me to be considering the family I bring into the program.

I know I have the focus, and I know it will be hard, but I would love to hear what you guys advice might be on my situation?

I would love to be part of the nuke program, but I do get nervous/concerned when I think about it sometimes. Am I better off not even trying? Should I try and shy away from this program and be a CT-N (another program I am interested in)? I want to be part of the nuke program and proudly say I am a nuke, but I worry that as smart as I am, I am choosing the wrong field for a family...

[HydroDave63]

I want to be part of the nuke program and proudly say I am a nuke, but I worry that as smart as I am, I am choosing the wrong field for a family...

Cryptos also go to sea. Perhaps you need to reevaluate and pick a different branch?

"I expect and demand your very best. Anything less, you should have joined the Air Force."

[fireb0x]

Cryptos also go to sea. Perhaps you need to reevaluate and pick a different branch?

"I expect and demand your very best. Anything less, you should have joined the Air Force."

I don't give anything but my best effort. The only way I wash out of that nuke program is if I don't do any work. I know I have the focus, study habits, and diligence to make it through the program, it is only the family aspect that I worry about sometimes.

I didn't join the Navy expecting to be at home all the time, I just wondered if Nukes are away any more or less than anyone else.

Part of that will depend on my wife, I know, but waiting several months and reading these forums raises questions and concerns.

Maybe I am reading this forum too much and not staying as confident as I should be?

Why do you want to be in the Navy nuke program?

(there should be at least three good reasons other than "I want to serve my country", bosun's, mess specialists and Marines serve their country too)

I suppose I could humor this and rattle off a list to "prove" that I really should be looking at being a nuke. Instead of doing that, I'll just say that it seems like there is a great deal of respect for what Nukes do for the Navy and I want to be a part of that. I want to be part of what makes these ships and subs operate. I want to learn all the complicated math, physics, and chemistry stuff that can be thrown at me because that's part of what I love. I love problem solving and I love learning things that others find difficult.

Most of all, I want to take steps toward success and I think it would be a great step in that direction.

I want to excel educationally, professionally, and make sure my family is taken care of. I suppose those would be a few of the reasons.

Whether they are good enough or not, I dunno, but I do know that it feels like the challenge is something I was made for.

[fireb0x]

More than almost anybody else,....

Less than very few,....

First off, you did humor this and rattled off a list,....

Your reasons are all good reasons, hang on to them, most people have to reflect on why they are doing the NNPP to themselves at one point or the other during their service, married people with children doubly so,....in my experience,....

Second off, don't humor me, you come here asking for advice from people who have been there and done that and what you should expect. You are the person raising the question of doubt, and if a career path such as crypto might be better for the success of your family versus the nuclear Navy as you fulfill your contracted term of enlistment. Quite frankly I never had that doubt, I absolutely wanted to be a nuke from the day they told me I could not be one and I never quit until I got it. And then some fat bastard ETC section advisor told me I would never be an ELT, so I did that too. And, quite frankly, I found the Navy suited me quite well. Then I acquired a wife, and then some children, and the nuclear Navy was significantly at odds with the needs of my family. I was destined to be an 8 or 9 year E-7 and the Navy world was my oyster,.....

I got out at 8 years, 2 months, 3 days and EAOS.

Because my family came first,....

There are Navy careers, and there are nuclear Navy careers,....

They are more dissimilar than similar,...

Some day, when you're steaming out in the middle of a liberty port with no shore power after your wife flew across two continents to be with you,....you will understand,....

Knowing what you know, would you still have become a Nuke if you were taking a wife and two kids into that life with you?

[fireb0x]

Nope.

You don't know how much I appreciate the straight answer. I've been looking for it for a very long time. Thanks!

[Marlin]

Nope.

I'll second that, I heard "Your wife did not come in your Sea Bag" more often than I cared to.

[fireb0x]

I'll second that, I heard "Your wife did not come in your Sea Bag" more often than I cared to.

Nope.

What do you guys think about Crypto Techs (CTN)?

Is that a bit more suited for a family person? I know the Navy itself may not be a great fit for family, but I am asking for the sake of helping me decide.

[crusemm]

It depends.  CT's still deploy, they still have to be away from home, they still have highly technical and sometimes dangerous jobs, and there may be little application for your job skills (outside of another type of government service) after you leave the Navy.  Nuke has the benefit of demonstrating to future employers that you have an ability to learn, to adapt, and to overcome significant challenges, which in their eyes makes you a desirable employee.

[fireb0x]

It depends.  CT's still deploy, they still have to be away from home, they still have highly technical and sometimes dangerous jobs, and there may be little application for your job skills (outside of another type of government service) after you leave the Navy.  Nuke has the benefit of demonstrating to future employers that you have an ability to learn, to adapt, and to overcome significant challenges, which in their eyes makes you a desirable employee.

Do CTNs deploy much less than Nukes, though? I don't expect to be in the military and not deploy, but does deployment occur less often, is it less likely?

It seems that being deployed is a foregone conclusion as a nuke, but CTNs seem to have the chance at being deployed very often, but also have the possibility of being deployed few times.

I know this is a "depends on the situation" kind of thing, but I ask the question as "in general."

[sovbob]

CTNs do not have the traditional Sea-Shore rotation schedule that nukes are so familiar with.  Instead, they use a CONUS-OCONUS rotation.  (CONUS = Continental, OCONUS = Outside Continental US). 

It's my understanding that CTNs have very little opportunities to go to sea.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081113104926AAYCM2G

[fireb0x]

CTNs do not have the traditional Sea-Shore rotation schedule that nukes are so familiar with.  Instead, they use a CONUS-OCONUS rotation.  (CONUS = Continental, OCONUS = Outside Continental US). 

It's my understanding that CTNs have very little opportunities to go to sea.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081113104926AAYCM2G

Sounds like a family man kinda job, eh?

Not as awesome as being a nuke, but if family is high on the list of importance, this seems like a great option.

[HydroDave63]

What advice did they give on CryptoWorker.com?

[fireb0x]

What advice did they give on CryptoWorker.com?

Sorry for the crypto talk. Big decision in my life and you guys are good way to get the truth. I feel like the people at my recruiting station are BSing me about it all. I know I'll never know unless I experience it myself, but I wouldn't be responsible if I didn't try to find out as much as I could.

I'll ask no more CTN questions.

[wlrun3@aol.com]

They're salesmen. They're just doing their job. Some customers get the deal they wanted, others get totally bamboozled. The bamboozled are typically the usual suspects.

this is a forum test thankyou

[Neutron_Herder]

I don't know many CTs anymore, but I think this little anecdote can put it in perspective.

I went to a CT friend's reenlistment, and out of over 20 people there were only three warfare pins in the group...  Me, the LCPO, and the CWO (who used to be a CT).

As a CT you don't really have to go to sea.  If you want to get promoted, you'll go to sea though.  From what I remember there was actually a waiting list to go TO sea! 

[Mike_Koehler]

I'll second that, I heard "Your wife did not come in your Sea Bag" more often than I cared to.

I'll third the nope....... and add to that. I don't know many CT's, the ones I do know have had problems staying married. As one of them put it, it is hard to have a trusting relationship with your spouse when it is basically your job to keep secrets. Trust becomes a large issue...... Just another random voice in the mess that is my mind....

Mike

[SweetPea]

I know I've come late to this party but I feel I should put my two cents in for future readers.

My husband is a nuke currently stationed on the Stennis in Bremerton, Wa. After graduating NNPTC he was placed on hold for a few months while waiting to start up at NPTU. We decided we would take that time and try to get pregnant. Well, the first time was a charm. He started Prototype about a month or two into my pregnancy. While in Prototype you have a pretty set schedule and you get a copy of it so you'll always know what date and shifts you'll have  we were able to schedule my doctor appointments around that.

Fast forward 6 months and he graduates NPTU and we are being moved to Washington. This was where our planning faltered. Packing all our belongings on a truck is not pleasant at 8 months pregnant.  He had 30 days of leave so we took that time driving down to our home in Florida to spend a week there. Then drove all the way to Washington.  Being that pregnant and sitting in a car for long periods of time was a pain in the ass. Literally.

We get to Washington with 4 days left of his leave and attempt to get the house put together. We take our time thinking we had time. Well, he reports and finds out he is going underway.

[gim73]

Yeah, that sounds like a bad deal getting deployed three weeks after you check into a command, but it's not.  I got a boomer out of bangor and checked in just as the other crew left with the boat.  It's a lot better to just dive into your sea duty right away than have an off-crew period where you are expected to show progress and no boat to actually learn from. Off crew is great for training theory, but really blows when it comes to getting UI watches, learning systems and various practical factors.  It's just a recipe for getting dink.  I enjoyed my offcrew time, but I regretted it later.

As for the OP... I always say don't get married period in the navy.  Chances are that it's gonna end in failure and she's gonna be off sleeping with some guy who's there for her all the time.  I've watched it happen dozens of times.  Like clockwork, every refit resist we hear who is getting a divorce and the reason (which is almost always unfaithfulness).  My advice?  Live with her for a year and a half to two years while at sea, and see if she can handle being a navy wife before marrying her.  If she passes that test, then go for kids.  It might sound like I have no faith in people, but every one of my friends in the navy that I attended their wedding, a while later I watched get a divorce.  A few of them popped out kids and now those kids have to grow up in a weird situation.

[Gamecock]

Yeah, that sounds like a bad deal getting deployed three weeks after you check into a command, but it's not.  I got a boomer out of bangor and checked in just as the other crew left with the boat.  It's a lot better to just dive into your sea duty right away than have an off-crew period where you are expected to show progress and no boat to actually learn from. Off crew is great for training theory, but really blows when it comes to getting UI watches, learning systems and various practical factors.  It's just a recipe for getting dink.  I enjoyed my offcrew time, but I regretted it later.

As for the OP... I always say don't get married period in the navy.  Chances are that it's gonna end in failure and she's gonna be off sleeping with some guy who's there for her all the time.  I've watched it happen dozens of times.  Like clockwork, every refit resist we hear who is getting a divorce and the reason (which is almost always unfaithfulness).  My advice?  Live with her for a year and a half to two years while at sea, and see if she can handle being a navy wife before marrying her.  If she passes that test, then go for kids.  It might sound like I have no faith in people, but every one of my friends in the navy that I attended their wedding, a while later I watched get a divorce.  A few of them popped out kids and now those kids have to grow up in a weird situation.

Not to discount your experiences, but I disagree with you when saying "Don't get married in the navy ever."  I married by wife when we were 19, back in 1992.  It was on a 4-off at NPTU just prior to reporting to my first ship.  We just celebrated our 18th anniversary last month, and I love her as much today as the day I married her.  Of the folks I served with who got married while in the navy, I know more that are still together then not still together. 

Divorce rate outside the navy is roughly 50%....I'm not sure what it is in the navy, but I'd bet it is comparable. 

My point is this, if your marriage is grounded on spiritual principles, and both of you  actually strive to honor the vows you state at the alter in front of God and family and friends, then your marriage is likely to survive even the most trying of issues. 

My wife and I have had problems during our 18 years....but DIVORCE is a word that neither one of us was ever willing to say.  We make a choice every day to love each other no matter what.

Cheers,
GC

[KUrunner]

Chances are that it's gonna end in failure and she's gonna be off sleeping with some guy who's there for her all the time.  I've watched it happen dozens of times.  Like clockwork, every refit resist we hear who is getting a divorce and the reason (which is almost always unfaithfulness). 

That's not a very nice assumption about Navy wives.  Yeah, some women are going to cheat, but men cheat just as often.  I know quite a few guys who chose not to keep it in their pants during deployments.

As far as being married while in the Navy goes, I agree with Gamecock 100%.  It's hard, but if it's worth it, you make it work.

[SweetPea]

My previous post was cut off. I'm trying to do this on an iPhone.

My husband went underway and made it back 5 days before I gave birth to our son. So he was able to be there and he took his 10 days maternity leave.

He's at work Monday through Friday 0600 - 1800. Sometimes on Saturday or Sunday if he has duty. They're on 4 section duty right now. So he does miss his doctors appointments but he spends as much time with him as he can when he gets home. He'll be going on deployment next July and will be doing some short underways starting the beginning of the year.

Your experience with having children in the Navy will be different. It all depends on the boat you'll be stationed on. You could get lucky and your boat will be dry-docked for a while.

This was our experience. No two situations will be the same.

And as for getting married in the Navy. I think that if there really is love in the relationship it will last. My husband and I were engaged after knowing each other for 3 days and married after less than two months.

Yes, many people thought we were crazy but we are going on two years and couldn't be happier. We grew up in the same town and had never met. My best friend and his best friend were dating and introduced us on his leave. It was the best decision we had both ever made. He is my best friend and the greatest man I have ever met. Once again, everyone's experience will be different. It's however you want to make it.

[JsonD13]

You could get lucky and your boat will be dry-docked for a while.

From my experience, there is no better deal being stationed in dry dock.  I worked more hours and had higher stress than my counterparts at sea.

Jason

[gim73]

My previous post was cut off. I'm trying to do this on an iPhone.

My husband went underway and made it back 5 days before I gave birth to our son. So he was able to be there and he took his 10 days maternity leave.

He's at work Monday through Friday 0600 - 1800. Sometimes on Saturday or Sunday if he has duty. They're on 4 section duty right now. So he does miss his doctors appointments but he spends as much time with him as he can when he gets home. He'll be going on deployment next July and will be doing some short underways starting the beginning of the year.

Your experience with having children in the Navy will be different. It all depends on the boat you'll be stationed on. You could get lucky and your boat will be dry-docked for a while.

This was our experience. No two situations will be the same.

And as for getting married in the Navy. I think that if there really is love in the relationship it will last. My husband and I were engaged after knowing each other for 3 days and married after less than two months.

Yes, many people thought we were crazy but we are going on two years and couldn't be happier. We grew up in the same town and had never met. My best friend and his best friend were dating and introduced us on his leave. It was the best decision we had both ever made. He is my best friend and the greatest man I have ever met. Once again, everyone's experience will be different. It's however you want to make it.

That IS a fast meet/engage/marriage.  I'm not going to bash into an idealistic view of love.  There can be love and plenty of trouble.  It doesn't fix all problems.  Really, it comes down to a lack of maturity.  Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder.  It makes the heart look yonder.  It might seem strange, but quite a few of the people on the boat that had real relationship problems (cheating, lying, etc...) stayed together while others got divorced over tiny things.  When you are 20 years old you might feel like you are responsible, but especially then you should take some time before diving into a lifelong decision like marriage or kids.  And if you ever think about doing it to increase your paycheck, you should just slap yourself in the face right away.  That is definitely a sign that you are NOT mature enough for these actions.

The wives have it hard at home raising the child alone, but I've also seen effects on the boat.  Some fathers really have a hard time leaving their kids at home and not seeing them for several months.  Sometimes this causes physical effects as bad as sickness.  It's a hard thing to miss your children actually growing up.  A few guys I know actually got out for exactly this reason.

[Contract SRO]

My point is this, if your marriage is grounded on spiritual principles, and both of you  actually strive to honor the vows you state at the alter in front of God and family and friends, then your marriage is likely to survive even the most trying of issues. 

My wife and I have had problems during our 18 years....but DIVORCE is a word that neither one of us was ever willing to say.  We make a choice every day to love each other no matter what.

GC

Your comments are right on the money whether someone is in the military or not.  It takes love but it also takes an attitude of no matter what we will make it together.