Wanting to Join, But Need Some Help

[zzirst]

First let me say that this site has been amazing so far. As far as gathering information, knowing what to do, what questions to ask and helping me figure out if the Nuke program is right for me it's impossible to find a better resource. I've gathered my medical records, aced the practice test and know this is what I want to do.

What I need help with is convincing my parents. They are so actively against me joining the Navy that nothing I say seems to get through to them. I've tried the career approach, I've tried the education approach, I've tried the financial approach. I just can't seem to even get them to approve of thinking of something like this.

Any and all advice is appreciated, thanks in advance everybody .

[navsteve]

What are there objections?

[zzirst]

They feel like I'm signing away my freedom. They came here from Egypt ~35 years ago, so I guess it's understandable that they're worried about something like that, but I say over and over it's 6 years and then 2 in reserve. They say that I don't need to do it so I shouldn't, but at the end of the day I see it as the smartest option for me.

They want me to stay in school for another 3 and a half years for my Mechanical Engineering degree, then transfer and get my Applied Nuclear Physics degree 5 years after that. I don't see why I should spend their money to be miserable in school and uncertain of if I'm going to be able to find a job afterwards. At least, not when there's this option.

Edited for date accuracy.

[navsteve]

You say " they want me to stay in school for another 3 1/2 years".  It sounds like you are 18.  You don't need your parents permission.

[zzirst]

You say " they want me to stay in school for another 3 1/2 years".  It sounds like you are 18.  You don't need your parents permission.

Nineteen, actually. I definitely do not need their permission, but at least having their approval or something to calm them down with would be nice. I plan on enlisting whether I can get them to see it as a good idea or not, but it would still be nice to be able to turn them, if that makes any sense at all.

[navsteve]

It sounds like you just need to explain to them why you are doing what you are doing, and tell them that you hope they will someday understand.  Good luck to you!

[cmichaelt]

Hey man you just have to go and do it. I stayed in school for a long time and I regret doing so. The only reason why I did was because my family insisted it is the only way in life to be successful. If you know you will be miserable in college you are probably right. If I had done so earlier I could have been an E-5 or E-6 by now maybe(?). I am also now trying to get into the Navy nuke program and my family still looks down on me for wanting to enlist and I am 24. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do even if you do not have your families approval.

[JustinHEMI05]

Explain to them that you will better be able to support them in old age with the lucrative commercial career that awaits you when you get out. 

[Fermi2]

Why not show them this website?

[zzirst]

Why not show them this website?

Already introduced it to them and bookmarked it on their computers. Can't force them to read it though : /.

[Preciousblue1965]

Well tell them at least it isn't the Marines.  We do all are fighting several hundred miles(except subs tend to get a little closer ) away from every one and press some big buttons to make bad people go away.  You get to sleep in a real bed(sorta) without eating MREs and generally don't get shot at too often.

[LT Dan]

What are there objections?

The kid says his parents are from Egypt.

Do you know what the majority religion of Egypt is?

Its Muslim.

Perhaps that is the real reason his parents don't want him to join the US Navy.

[zzirst]

They're actually Christians, although I don't doubt that some of that is the reason they don't want me joining.

[greenbean]

Here's a short report about soldiers going back to school. It doesn't sound like money is a problem in paying for college, but maybe seeing soldiers going to school after serving will help your parents.

http://www.foxnews.com/video/index.html?playerId=011008&streamingFormat=FLASH&referralObject=10525284&referralPlaylistId=b895e6943a20a5ba0d5beadb011b18b7ea0a1398


I was trying to link to an alternate post, but I didn't know how to do it easily.
Here's my post for the other topic:
http://www.nukeworker.com/forum/index.php/topic,21810.0.html

[kp88]

They're actually Christians, although I don't doubt that some of that is the reason they don't want me joining.

Acceptance sets the standard.

[playswithairplanes]

Well, the real question you are asking us is "should I Man up?"  At what point does your life become yours, and not theirs? What would they do if you do go in?  Disown you?  That's the belligerant way to go about it.

The other way, is by sitting down with them and explaining WHY you want to do this. Do your homework (besides it's good practice for your eventual oral boards). Listen to thier concerns, and have competent, cogent counter points to their arguments. Stay calm, above all else. If they are angry, screaming, pitching a fit... well you've won.

If you need a "compromise plan" tell them, fine you will finish your engineering degree, THEN go into the Navy (as an Officer should you so chose).

My 'rents didn't want me to go either. They were both 60s Hippies, and I was going to become "the man".  In the end they dealt with it. They cried. They lived, and eventually accepted that this is what I had to do to become a man.

Good luck.

[zzirst]

Well, the real question you are asking us is "should I Man up?"

Well, that was never really a question to me. Whether I have their approval or not, this is something I want to do. It's my life, my decision, and I'm sure as hell not asking for permission; just trying to get them to see my side.

But the posts here have definitely made the decision that much easier. There is no secret phrase you can say to get someone to instantly pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth. It doesn't matter how eloquently you compose your points, how adequately you present your arguments or how observant you are to counter arguments. At the end of the day sometimes you have to agree to disagree, even if that means not talking to them until after boot camp.

Thanks for the words of advice everybody, these boards have been nothing but helpful.

[JustinHEMI05]

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Preciousblue1965]

But the posts here have definitely made the decision that much easier. There is no secret phrase you can say to get someone to instantly pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth. It doesn't matter how eloquently you compose your points, how adequately you present your arguments or how observant you are to counter arguments. At the end of the day sometimes you have to agree to disagree, even if that means not talking to them until after boot camp.

Thanks for the words of advice everybody, these boards have been nothing but helpful.

I would have to disagree with that particular statement.  I distinctly remember paying very, VERY, VERY close attention to the words coming out of my wife's mouth after she uttered "I'm pregnant."   

[zzirst]

I would have to disagree with that particular statement.  I distinctly remember paying very, VERY, VERY close attention to the words coming out of my wife's mouth after she uttered "I'm pregnant."   

Not even 10 posts and I already stand checkmated. Well played, sir.

[Preciousblue1965]

Not even 10 posts and I already stand checkmated. Well played, sir.

Welcome to Nukeworker, there will be plenty of opportunities for you to return the favor I am sure. 

[imthehoopa]

First let me say that this site has been amazing so far. As far as gathering information, knowing what to do, what questions to ask and helping me figure out if the Nuke program is right for me it's impossible to find a better resource. I've gathered my medical records, aced the practice test and know this is what I want to do.

What I need help with is convincing my parents. They are so actively against me joining the Navy that nothing I say seems to get through to them. I've tried the career approach, I've tried the education approach, I've tried the financial approach. I just can't seem to even get them to approve of thinking of something like this.

Any and all advice is appreciated, thanks in advance everybody .

You're dealing with what most of us deal with when joining the armed forces. I was in college too when I decided to join the Navy. I wish that I was making the decision as early as you are in your studies. I was 3.5 years in (with at least 2.5 left) instead of, I assuming, just one semester completed. My parents were understandably disappointed. I told them my decision and explained everything. I told them all the who's, what's, why's, etc.. They still did not want me to. It wasn't until they came to see my boot camp graduation did they finally accept it and saw the change in me. They haven't stopped telling me how proud they are of me every time I talk to them now. I dont know. It may be different with your parents. Just know that you aren't the first and aren't going to be the last to have that awkward, sometimes heated, possibly tear-filled (have to love mothers) conversation. You should stand by your decision (if that is in fact your final decision) and they'll see that this is really what you want. Good luck.

[Creeker]

You're dealing with what most of us deal with when joining the armed forces

How true!  I joined in 1983, and while I was in the decision process, my mom was dead set against it.  I had moved from LA to North Carolina to work construction at Shearon Harris, and after a year of that, started looking at other options.  The Nuclear Navy sounded pretty good, and I told mom about it.. She was so distraught, that she said "Bill, come home and go to college.  You can live here, and I'll pay your way through 4 years of school."  The wisdom of me turning her down is another topic, but luckily, we had an old friend of the family that was in the Navy reserves.  He had his opinions of the "Nukey Navy".  Pretty much told my mom that they were the best and brightest, academic elite, and all of us walked out after 6 years to champaign dreams and caviar wishes!  Those words, from someone she trusted, was all she needed.  The next thing you knew, I had made a "good decision", for a "successful future".  

So, if you know anyone in the navy, or military even, or your former countries navy, who your parents trust, and knows the remotest thing about nuclear power program (in a good way), maybe that would help get behind your decision.

One other idea.. I don't know if your parents are big readers, but the book "Hunt for Red October" paints American nukes in very positive light.  Maybe you could have your dad read it.

Best of luck,

Bill

[Creeker]

Oops... Misread that.  OK, strike the former country part.

[cheme09]

You could try to make a compromise with your parents by pursuing the NUPOC program.  You could apply up to 30 months before you graduate (around sophomore year) which sounds like where you are.  If accepted, you'll be considered active duty military and will get paid as such until you graduate.  Upon graduation, you won't have to worry about finding a job because you'll get sent to OCS where you'll begin your career as a naval officer upon completion of OCS.  Then to nuke school if you're subs, or to the fleet if you're a surface nuke.

This option allows you to finish your degree in engineering as your parents would like you to do and gain some nuclear training through the navy.  The perks for you are: you get paid while in school, you're in the navy so there's no worrying about looking for a job after graduation, and you'll be going nuke.  After your 5 year commitment, you can choose to stay in, or separate and continue a job in the civilian world and/or even use your GI benefits to pursue a graduate degree for free like your parents also want you to do.

Note: I'm not a recruiter or affiliate with the navy in any way.  I am merely suggesting another option.  I consider the NUPOC program a very good offer and I wish I knew about it when I began college.  Now, I'm in damage control mode trying to improve my application so that I can get into the program.

Whatever you choose, zzirst, good luck!