If anyone gets bored, or just feels like tearing this apart, here is a copy of what I have of a Personal Statement. I'm still working on it, but I have no idea what they are looking for so I'm basically writing in the blind. If it's all wrong, don't be afraid to say it.
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is (name). I am a Machinists Mate Third Class and I am requesting admission into the Seaman to Admiral 21 program. I am a 25-year-old male who has served his country for six years as a member of the Army and Pennsylvania Army National Guard. I was deployed from October of 2004 until February of 2006 in support of Operation Enduring Freedom, based out of Camp Bondsteel, Kosovo. I was honorably discharged from the Army National Guard in January 2008, having fully completed my obligatory contract. In the short time that I was out of the military, I began missing the camaraderie and the feeling of serving my country and decided to reenlist. I chose the Nuclear Navy because the hard work and dedication required of the job pairs well with my professional work ethic.
As my young career has matured, leadership roles have gravitated toward me. For example, in the Navy, I was appointed the roles of Class Leader for Class 0954A and Section Leader for T-Track from January 16 to March 24, 2010. In the Army I was a Non-Commissioned Officer in charge of our many convoy escorts while deployed. In my civilian job, I was a leading laborer for a construction company working on multi-million dollar bridges and roadways. I’ve enjoyed these leadership roles, albeit challenging, and found them to be rewarding. They have allowed me the opportunity to mentor others, to solve problems, to address issues, and to be looked to by my peers for advice and knowledge. I am a prime candidate to become an officer of the Nuclear Navy because of the experiences I had working for multiple supervisors in my civilian job; the lessons I learned while under several commands in the Army; and the lessons I learned while in leadership roles in the Navy. It is from these rewarding feelings, challenges, and standards that make me want to become an officer in the Nuclear Navy.
If selected into the Seaman to Admiral 21 program, my relentless, professional work ethic will be used to uphold the standards of the Navy, an Officer, a leader, and a mentor. I will be a model for both younger and older sailors. But, with all good credentials, there come some negatives. I am in the Navy under a waiver for my age, and a waiver for an error in judgment when I was 18 involving the Pennsylvania State Police.
Goobs - One of my strong points happens to be my ability to talk to people, regardless of rank/color/gender/species/etc. I am only submitting two or three L.O.R.'s. I do not want my prior army service to be a major point in me getting in to the program. I want to be selected because I'm a STRONG leader, I'm a professional, and I'm just plain BADA$$. I feel that the two or three LOR's I submit will state my strong abilities of a leader. One from an LDO ensign, one from a 7 year chief, and one from my SSG (E-6) who was my Section Leader overseas.
Thank you again, to all who have helped. The advice received on this forum is simply amazing! Keep up the good work guys.
