Marrying A Sailor

[maddieg]

Hi there,

I'm not sure if this is the right section or not... Pardon me I'm new.
My boyfriend has just finished A school in SC and we are looking to get married. He is an E3 in the nuke program, going to be on a sub. We are both 20 years old and we've known each other for a little over 5 years now. I would be moving to Charleston to live with him, we haven't decided on base or off yet. He is thinking about joining the officer program in the near future. I was wondering if I could get any advice or recommendations from you all.  Anything would be greatly appreciated.

I've done a little bit of research online but everything seems really scattered out. I would like some sort of list of things we need to get done but I couldn't find one.

We want to get married as soon as possible so that we can start living together before he starts his next school, in march or may I believe...

Thanks!!

[maddieg]

Thanks so much for the helpful links!

[MMM]

I'd recommend living on base in SC, I don't remember what rent or BAH were in SC. Also, he's a sub vol(unteer) until he actually gets orders to a sub.

I'd also recommend getting premarriage counseling, hopefully from someone who has experience with the specific troubles from military life.

[Samabby]

Miss,

IMO, you are still too young to get married (40 years ago, my wife and I got married at 20   ). If you are going to do the deed, get married NOW and arrive @ Goose Creek as a registered dependant- not a girl friend.

Visit submarinewivesclub.org for a great support system. Even if your man goes surface, this group of LADIES know the ropes.

Good luck!

[andrewnavy]

Miss (soon to be Mrs.),

Congratulations on your impending marriage.  First, make sure that you are married before expecting any benefits from the Navy to kick in.  You are nothing to them but a potential recruit until you are married to your sailor.  I would recommend staying in base housing while in school due to the fact that you will not be there very long. Also, make sure to get a few copies of official marriage certificate and send them to some safe places in case you need them in the future. Next, I would reccomend going to New York for the prototype portion if you have never been there.  If you are there in the summer, horse race season and the fall season are hard to beat.  Lastly, when your husband gets to the boat make sure that you guys talk about your problems.  The submarine life is a hard one on most families and good dialogue can really help you through it.  If you have any specific questions then please pm me. By the way, I am currently a nuke electrician that was on submarines and currently on shore duty.

Good Luck,
Andy

[tselby]

there is good advice here. I am a retired MMC/SS submariner. I never told anyone I was getting married at 20. Be sure your fiance, impending husband informs everyone in his chain of command. They are there to help him. They may advise against it because of schooling, but will not stop him if that is his (and your) true desire.

I went to the NY prototype, i would not reccomend it, because solely of the expense. It may just behoove you to stay an extra six months in Charleston. for the weather among other things. As he said NY is nice but if you are not well established in a rental with a long term lease some landlords will have you be out before race season, so they can earn much more money renting to seasonal renters.

I currently live in NY and i can answer any question you have about here when the time comes. I am also a native NYR and i grew up in the albany / saratoga region there is nothing i do not know about it.

btw if you 2 truely love each other, you can deal with the problems that arise. As said before communication and dialogue are key during long separations and most (90%) are 6 months now, unless you get stationed on a trident of SSGN.

I know it works I'll be married 25yrs this July, and I am a submariner who married at 20. Any questions and you can message me at any time.

[maddieg]

MMM- Thanks, after all that I've read I think living on base will be best for us. Regarding pre-marriage counseling, is this something they offer on base. We live 5 hours apart so it would be difficult for me to attend unless it is only for one day. I work a full time job and can't go up there unless it's the weekend.

Samabby- Thanks for your opinion. I do think that we are very young to be getting married, but I love him. Also, in my family my mother and grandmother and everyone else that I know of has gotten married before the age of 18. So I guess I am able to rationalize the age thing. Thank you for the link as well, I would love to join that once we're married!

andrewnavy- Thanks so much for all of your suggestions. He has mentioned moving to NY for prototype but i think he may have changed his mind about it. I'll have to mention what you said to him.

Liquid_fuel- Thanks, it's nice to hear both sides of the NY prototype fence. This is something I'll have to discuss with him. Do you or anyone else know if there is on base housing at prototype?

[andrewnavy]

In my experience, most priests, pastors, officiants etc... will do the marriage counseling free of charge.  There are also some that will not perform a wedding ceremony if they have not given you couples counseling.  That might also just be a southern thing but my brother had to fly back to Texas twice for two separate counseling sessions when he was in nuke school for the pastor to marry them.  This is all excluded I think if you use the Justice of the peace or do the Vegas nuptials.

GOOD LUCK!!

[DDMurray]

My son got married in FL.  We live in TN.  He and his bride had to have marriage counseling or workshop or something like that before they could get a marriage license.  They ended up doing an on-line version.  I don't know if it cost them anything or not.

Your question is not specific as to what kind of information you're looking for so here are some administrative things that need to get done. 
1. Get a copy of your marriage license, your birth certificate, and your husband's birth certificate to have readily available.  You'll need these for various things from now until he gets his first job out of the Navy.
2. As soon as possible after you are married get your SS card changed to your new name.  Doing this will save you headaches later on.
3. As soon as possible after you are married, make sure your husband gets you enrolled in DEERs.  This is where your information is stored to prove you are married to a Sailor.  This will require a copy of your marriage certificate and possibly your birth certificate.
4. Look at Navy One Source.  A great number of your questions can get answered or give you ideas for questions that you haven't thought of.  Here's a link: http://www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/Navy.aspx?MRole=Member&Branch=Navy&Component=Active
5. Once you're married, your husband will get a form called a page 2.  You need to retain a current copy of this at all times.  This is a vital document.
6. Once you get your page 2 you can get your dependent ID card. Don't leave home without it.

My wife and I got married between A school and Nuke Power School.  We've been married 26 years now.  Good luck!

P.S.  If you have never been on a budget, I highly recommend you take a class or visit the financial counselor at your nearest Fleet and Family Support Center (FFSC) once you're married.  In the meantime read My Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.  You'll be on a fixed income at the start.  Get used to living frugally early on and you'll live well once your husband advances and starts making decent money.  It's very easy to pile on debt when you're getting started.  Avoid debt like the plague.

[maddieg]

andrewnavy- Thanks! I think we might end up using a Justice of the peace as neither of us are religious.

DDMurray- Thanks so much! That was really helpful. I will check out that book as well, I've heard him on the radio a couple of times.

[tselby]

Liquid_fuel- Thanks, it's nice to hear both sides of the NY prototype fence. This is something I'll have to discuss with him. Do you or anyone else know if there is on base housing at prototype?

yes i believe there is base housing in NY, it is something you must check into.

[jowlman]

As far as "Vegas Nuptials" go, I can give you a little insight as I live here in Vegas and just got married 12/31. All you need to do is go to the court house fill out a form and show them your ID. That gets you the license, then if you want you can go right to a wedding chapel, there are some right on the same block.

We got our license a few weeks early,but that was just to be prepared. It is very easy to get married here. It is one of the reasons that Vegas is famous for quickie weddings.

[mizzyung]

Hi,

If he goes to the fleet and family service center or the chaplain on base, they can set up the pre-marital counseling free of charge, and last i checked, they allow you to get married on base in the chapel free of charge.

[Limited Quanity]

As far as "Vegas Nuptials" go, I can give you a little insight as I live here in Vegas and just got married 12/31.

Congrats there FC!! 

[jowlman]

Congrats there FC!! 

Thanks Dan........It was a long ride to get there.   

[apureflame14]

Good luck! GC is not too bad and living on base is great. At least I enjoy it. BAH is substantial enough that you could easily find a place off base for less and save some money but it's just easier to live on base when they are in school. Plus, you're close to everything there though pretty far from civilization! I live there now and won't be moving off anytime soon.

We got married here in SC and it was fantastic. Everything took a relatively short time and as long as you work it in his schedule (helps if he's on T-track or Grad Hold), you can get everything squared away with the Navy and be moving in your new house literally within like 48 hours.

I can definitely answer any and all questions that you have since I went through the exact same thing let me know!