Off to Navy Nuke School with a girlfriend?!!!

[NuclearGerm]

Hello, this is my first post to this site, though I have read several topics that have helped me quite a bit already. Some basic info: I enlisted into DEP 20080930 and I go to boot camp 20090602. I scored 97 on my ASVAB and prequaled for Nuke. My understanding is that it is a very challenging school, but I enjoy learning and am willing to try very hard. From reading, most suggest that there is not much that I can study or do now to better prepare myself for school after boot camp. Is this correct?

My main concern in this post is that I currently have a girlfriend and things are going amazingly well. I think it would be easier if she moved down to SC so that she will be around. My hope is that we would be getting married within the next year. From reading, I gather that most of you discourage girlfriends period, based on the fact that Nuke school is already so time consuming and that Navy does not assist girlfriends in any way. She and I realize this and know that it will be challenging, though we both desire to be together. Advice and Counsel would be much appreciated    I must say that I am extremely excited but also getting a little nervous as my departure date draws near. I realize this school is no joke and I am dedicated to my success. Thanks in advance for all help!

veatchj

[NukeNub]

Dude, if your relationship is strong enough for marriage, it is strong enough to be without her during A-school and Power School. See her on holidays and leave periods. You will be living in barracks and I am pretty sure no GFs allowed. If she wants to come down and see you a weekend here and there, have at it, might be a nice stress reliever.

Once you get to P-type, you have to have your own place for 6 months, and it is more conducive to her visiting you or even staying with you.

To the Navy, a GF is no more important than the stuff you wipe out of your eye corners in the morning.

My advice is to focus on school.

[JustinHEMI05]

Same advice that you said you have already read. I see no reason it would be any different for you. Good luck and thanks!

Justin

[Gamecock]

Dude, if your relationship is strong enough for marriage, it is strong enough to be without her during A-school and Power School. See her on holidays and leave periods. You will be living in barracks and I am pretty sure no GFs allowed. If she wants to come down and see you a weekend here and there, have at it, might be a nice stress reliever.

This is exactly the scenario that I followed back when I was enlisted and going through the pipeline in Orlando, FL.  I tried to go home every three day weekend (didn't always work out).  She came and visited once during A School and once during Power School.  During Prototype (I went to Charleston), I went home every four off.  (Note :  Home was Augusta, GA which was a 6 hour drive without traffic from Orlando, FL., and was about 2.5 hour drive from Charleston,SC)

We got married at the end of Prototype....and have been married for 16+ years.  This formula can work.

Cheers,
GC

[NuclearGerm]

Inside one hour of your account being opened you post this (above).

Hmmmmmmmm ...

Yes, previously I just read through the forums and gathered bits of information here and there. I registered so that I could post.

To ask a stupid question... Would it be bad to rush a marriage in this situation?

[NuclearGerm]

  I just want to thank those of you who have responded. It definitely gives me a lot to think about. The link was helpful and I've been reading through several different threads. It sounds like at the least, I'll need to give this more thought and prayer before I can make an appropriate decission.

[Samabby]

BTW, how old are you two? This impacts greatly and statistically on my answer to the marriage question.

[dagiffy]

I just got a casual local girlfriend toward the end of NPTU and it was almost too much, trying to keep going with study and also keep her happy. I don't know how the married guys do it. I really don't.

[NukeNub]

A local girlfriend has no stake in whether you pass or fail. You are to her, a meal ticket, a good time, or a future husband. In the end, if you screw up in the Navy, she has lost nothing and perhaps gained something if you happened to get her pregnant. In the end, there is another class of newbies in a few weeks any how.

Goose Creek locals, just say no.

A marriage is a commitment, and for the most part, married guys have more at stake than single guys. A good wife knows that leaving her husband to his studies is an investment in future success. Guys that "bring their wife and kids to work" have a hard time making it through.

[NuclearGerm]

BTW, how old are you two? This impacts greatly and statistically on my answer to the marriage question.

I am 22 years old and she is 26 years old.

Also, I think this is a bit different than some local trying to gold dig... we already have a serious relationship. She is well aware of the sacrifices that SHE would have to make in order for such a relationship to work. I also agree that it is important to for the wife/sign. other to respect study time, lots of it! 

[Preciousblue1965]

Ok, well first of all you have to have all the relative facts and ask yourself some questions about the realities of life.

1.  You WILL NOT have anyplace to live other than in the barracks.  Members of the opposite sex are not allowed in said barracks.  EVER!!!  So the question you have to ask yourself is, if she moves to Charleston, where is she going to stay.  If she stays in an apartment, who is going to pay for it?  You will not make enough to pay for a decent apartment in Charleston on base pay alone, which is all the money you will be drawing. 

2.  What is she going to be doing while you are at school?  Is she going to find a job, will she be ABLE to find a job in this economy?  Does she understand that you are going to be gone at school for long periods of time, including weekends? 

3.  Although no one wants to ever believe that their relationship will fail, it would be a fool's errand to not have a backup plan for the "what if".  What if the relationship doesn't work out due to stress of school and long hours and the fact that she is going to be by herself a lot of the time.  You are going to be the only person she knows for a hundred miles in any direction for a good length of time.  Now the fact that she is 26 does help matters a great deal in that she isn't some "wet behind the ears" girl fresh out of high school and thrown into a strange world. 

There are a lot of good pieces of information on this forum and from its members.  We know what we are talking about because we have all been there and seen that.  In fact that was one thing that I always conferred to my students as an instructor.

"No matter what you are going through, there will always be someone you work with that has been through it or knows someone who has been through it.  Listen to their advice to avoid some of the painful learning that those before you have already endured"--by ME. 

[NuclearGerm]

Ok, well first of all you have to have all the relative facts and ask yourself some questions about the realities of life.

1.  You WILL NOT have anyplace to live other than in the barracks.  Members of the opposite sex are not allowed in said barracks.  EVER!!!  So the question you have to ask yourself is, if she moves to Charleston, where is she going to stay.  If she stays in an apartment, who is going to pay for it?  You will not make enough to pay for a decent apartment in Charleston on base pay alone, which is all the money you will be drawing. 

2.  What is she going to be doing while you are at school?  Is she going to find a job, will she be ABLE to find a job in this economy?  Does she understand that you are going to be gone at school for long periods of time, including weekends? 

I think the plan would be for her to get her own apartment and pay for it herself like a big girl. She would obviously need to find a job or relocate from her current job to out there. We know it's going to be tough and we wont always get to see each other. We just think that it might be nice to at least get to see each other once a week instead of 4 times a year ect. She'll make friends:) She's great. Thanks for input and advice...

Also, another question unrelated.... so sorry about that, but I always here that people in the Nuke field in the navy often get solicited for civilian jobs. Is this the norm and true? Also, about what do those jobs pay? ballpark figure... Thanks!

[Preciousblue1965]

As far as the Job thing goes, suffice it to say that there are jobs out there for those that look hard enough.  There are even companies that will look for you, but those will not be as lucrative.  The money can vary, but don't expect to be making 6 figures two weeks out of the Navy unless you have a rich relative that owns a business.  You will here plenty between now and when you choose to get out.  For now, concentrate on making past school and your first enlistment with your NEC intact.  When you start hitting your "never again days" is when you should worry about finding a job. 

[NuclearNate]

I've been married for a few months and separated for a couple of them. Let's just say that it's all about trust - I trust her and she trusts me to stay faithful and to see each others with smiles when we do get to see each other. The fights will happen, and you will want to check every text message she gets around you, and if you don't trust her enough to shrug off that feeling then it will tear you apart.

Listen to the guys who tell you that if it's good enough for marriage then it can survive a few months. Because if a girl says she doesn't want to wait for you to finish school, then she probably won't wait for you to finish sea duty either.

[Samabby]

 

BTW, how old are you two? This impacts greatly and statistically on my answer to the marriage question.


" I am 22 years old and she is 26 years old. "

In a few words- she is old enough, but you are not. Go to Goose Creek, study like your life depends on it (it does) and see her 5 or 6 times throughout the 18 months.

If this sounds too difficult, consider this- once you clear the pipe and hit your official US Navy ride, you might not see her much more often.

From the head and the heart, partner. 

[Khak-Hater]

I am 22 years old and she is 26 years old.

I met my wife while I was in NNPS in Orlando.  Same ages for each of us.  She moved to NPTU in Ballston Spa with me, where we lived together in relative poverty.  We were married about a year later, and have been married for 20 years, last October.  Everything can work out fine for you, but it'll be hard on her, unless she's really looking forward to moving someplace new, getting a new job, with new people, and making new friends.  If she's looking forward to this as some grand adventure and she's REALLY independent, then your plan could work out great.  You'll have memories of shared hardships that you can look back on fondly [if you make it through them]. 

I wouldn't rush marriage though.  Not that it couldn't work out for you, but that you'll get a lot more enjoyment out of it in a few years.  I have to say that when I got married at 23, I had no clue what a marriage was supposed to be or how it should work, nor was I in any condition to really provide for a family for several years.  If you're meant to be together for the rest of your lives, then marriage [and living together] can wait until you're on your feet a little better.

You're starting on a whole new path in life.  Ask yourself honestly, why is it so important that you bring her with you right now, as opposed to a little later when you get a grip on your new situation.  It can work out well either way, but what's motivating you right now?

Choose wisely,

mgm

[thompson63]

I am sure things have changed since class 8307.  My wife and I married right out of high school at age 18.  My plans were to still attend college at Auburn University and I did for one year.  As you might guess my wife got pregnant and I knew it would be difficult to stay in college and support a family.  We decided to join the Navy and I went to boot camp on 12/24/1982.  My daughter was born in August 1982, so she was only four months old when I went to boot camp.  Nuclear power school at the time was in Orlando, FL and when class 8307 started, I had a wife and a one-year old daughter.   My wife and I knew the challenges of the nuclear program and I can honestly say she never interfered with my study time.  Believe me the hours were long and typically I never got home before midnight.  As some people on this site will confirm, there was many times when I pulled an “all nighter” and would be gone for two days.  At the time, in Orlando, married couples could live in Air Force base housing so my wife had many women around her who were going through the same thing. 

I graduated class 8307 in February 1984 and went to the D1G prototype in New York.   Did I mention my wife got pregnant again while I was in Orlando?  She was 6 months pregnant when we left for New York.   The Navy wanted to place me on medical hold until after the baby was born but they finally allowed me to transfer.  So when I went to prototype, my “seabag” contained a pregnant wife and an eighteen month old daughter.  My son was born in May 1984.   I can say, I did graduate from prototype, ELT School and became a staff pick-up at D1G.   As far as housing at prototype, we lived in base housing and moved to an apartment in Ballston Spa after becoming a staff pick-up.   Believe me when I say, the hours at prototype were long and the money to support a wife and two kids was tight, but… we made it.  The Navy always worked with us to get base housing and my wife was involved in many Navy support groups to keep her busy (like two kids didn’t) and around other spouses who had kids.   

Did I mention my wife got pregnant again while at prototype?   My last child, another son, was born in May 1986.  I finally figured out what caused them (ha, ha).   Shortly after his birth, I left prototype for sea-duty and was assigned to the USS Daniel Boone in the New Port News shipyard. 

I tell you my Navy story for these reasons:

1.  You can make it through the nuclear program with a wife and with kids.
2.  Your wife has to understand the full commitment you will have to make to complete the entire program.
3.  You have to fully understand the commitment you will have to make to stay married.
I always came home and had dinner with my wife and kids and then went back to  study.    That’s why I never got home before mid-night.
I always took Saturday off in power school and spent it with my family.  We would go to the beach with other families of just have a cook out.  Understand, on Saturday I never slept in or told my wife I was tired.  Even though I was, Saturday was her time.  When your wife is at home all day, if she does not work or even raising the kids, you have to help with the home duties of washing clothes, cleaning the house or watching the kids.  Remember this leaves little time for going out with your buddies. 

In closing, we just celebrated our 27th weeding anniversary and are still happily married.  My daughter will be 27 in August of this year, my oldest son will be 25 in May and my youngest son will be 23 in March.  My wife and I still sit around with friends and talk about our stories in the Navy.  Be blessed and pray for wisdom for I have always lived by an old saying “Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice.  It is not something you wait on; it is something you achieve”. 

   

[Gamecock]

I always took Saturday off in power school and spent it with my family.  We would go to the beach with other families of just have a cook out.  Understand, on Saturday I never slept in or told my wife I was tired.  Even though I was, Saturday was her time. When your wife is at home all day, if she does not work or even raising the kids, you have to help with the home duties of washing clothes, cleaning the house or watching the kids.  Remember this leaves little time for going out with your buddies. 

to you for some really spot-on advice.

[Samabby]

Thompson made some great points. The key here is that he was MARRIED. The Navy could care less about any girlfriends. 

[mizzyung]

"Nuke School means Everything or it means Nothing ... and that my friend is the reality of your new situation."


Okay...While I've read a few of his post and may not agree with many, this is one thing that I hate the most...A lot of theese Old heads go over the top when trying to emphasize the importance of NNPTC which is why there currently is so much chaos going on there now and the students get there and, for lack of a better term, "Go Crazy"!!! I understand trying to let people know it matters, but IT'S NOT WORTH GIVING UP YOUR LIFE OVER!!!

I've been here going on 4 years and in that time; instuctors have killed themselves (RIP), students have killed themselves (RIP), people have gone to the nut-house, known some to develop drinking problems, i've personally had someone go A-wall on me, and i've seen so many people break down too stressed to see straight and more times than not it's all because someone's put TOO MUCH emphasis on the importance of everything at NNPTC!! IT'S NOT ALL OR NOTHING!

And no, I am not another "S-Bag" by far, I was an average student, Hardly ever on tac hours, class leader in "A" school, Assistant Section Leader in NPS because I turned down section leader to help another shipmate look better for State21, and everyone was always asking me how I had so much liberty to basically "come & go as I please" and I'd always tell them because I do what I'm supposed to do...And that's all that you need to do and everything else falls into place!



But as far as being with someone, TO EACH HIS OWN, I can say it'll be this way or it'll be that way or you wont be able to do this, or do that, but I had a husband who left me for joining the Navy who's divorce papers came in "A" school, and was on hold with a boyfriend who was a fellow nuke who I am actually married to today going on 3 years...Lived off base and on base while in school and back off base because the housing is pretty horrible but they are knocking them down and rebuilding them as we speak! And as for the BAH comment, it's not something to get married for, but you CAN get a nice place close to base for way less...And when it coms to your relationship, the biggest thing that matters while going through the pipeline is TIME MANAGEMENT. If you are good with time management, it makes things so much more easier on your significant other and takes that stress away, but I'm not going to sugarcoat thing...Prototype sucks for any relationship. It's hard enough for one person to adjust to rotating shift work where you're working different shifts every week, including days, nights, and overnights, so you can imagine what its like for 2. But like I said, TO EACH HIS OWN. for some it works, for some it doesn't, that all depends on you and your girl...Just think it all over before you make any decisions because I'm both for it and against it...My first husband was all for it before we got married and despised the idea afterwards and I love the life I have now with my husband, SO IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU!!! NOT ANYONE ON THIS SITE OR ANYWHERE...JUST YOU!

[mizzyung]

Also, I think this is a bit different than some local trying to gold dig... we already have a serious relationship. She is well aware of the sacrifices that SHE would have to make in order for such a relationship to work. I also agree that it is important to for the wife/sign. other to respect study time, lots of it! 

Okay, sounds like your really leaning towards this marriage thing, so a word of advice from a nuke's wife through the pipeline...if she's trying and making the sacrifices, make sure you thank her and show her you appreciate it when you can. Even if its something as small as having breakfast for you when your working overnight ready when you get home, or bringing you dinner when your stuck in the building studying late...MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS YOU APPRECIATE HER! Being a nuke wife, so long as he shows he is appreciating what i'm doing for him, no matter how small, things are so much easier to cope with...Just remember that when you have a test in the morn and your in there all night but she fixes your favorite dessert to take with you for afterward...Don't come only talking about that horrid test and forget all about the goodies

[mizzyung]

In a few words- she is old enough, but you are not.

I usually don't comment or voice my opinion to people like this because they have such a tunnel view on life there's no point, but your age is not a factor...I know some people who have had more trials and heartaches and had to struggle more than other people over 30 before the age of 20 so if your life has made you feel you are ready for something than that's something you have to decide and not a number

[NuclearGerm]

  I would like to personally thank all who have contributed to this post! I feel blessed that I am able to attain such broad perspective from experienced individuals. I feel each of you comes from their own angle and it largely helps me with my overall expectations. This website is a great experience, in that it has absolutely been helpful in my preparation for this great adventure! All of you posters are responsible for it and I thank you for participating and helping to guide my future desicions. I realize that this is a commonly talked about subject on this forumn, however some of you took extra efforts to individually assist me on my journey and it has made the difference!  Thanks so much, your advice has been most valuable.

Jeremy

 

[Khak-Hater]

Jeremy,

Good luck on whatever you decide.  Please check back in with us and let us know which way you went and how its working out.  Remember, there are no bad decisions, just different paths to walk.  You learn something from each of them.

MiZZ-YuNg,

What exactly is "A-Wall"?  Is that like AWOL?  If so, why would you improvise something that takes longer to write?  OR, is it more of a Pink-Floydish leave of absence [with all of the references to suicides and mental breakdowns]? 

Also, I think that people offered their advice because, well, he asked for some advice.  A very good friend of mine always prefaces his advice with "My best advice is to never trust my advice."  It's really funny, because I've always found his advice to be very sound. 

Now I understand that, being in your second marriage now, you are certainly an expert on relationships, but for those of us who aren't, perhaps you might want to back it down a notch or two.  I'm sure that I'll know as much as you by the time I'm on my second marriage.  It just takes some of us a little longer to get there (i.e., we're kind of slow that way).  Some of us "Old heads" never get there [that whole "til death do us part" vow].  Well, we can't all do everything. 

Best of luck and keep up the good work,

mgm

[mizzyung]

So I guess you are in favor of Dereliction of Duty?  Because that is what you are suggesting.  Mind you it is okay to fail out.  It is NOT OKAY to not put in 100% effort.  And, that is in All Respects of the program.  Notice your life outside the program isn't included in your passing.

So, who was it that said this would be easy street?  Because from what I'm hearing that is the advice you are giving.  Don't worry about your 100% effort because you are more important that the program you Volunteered for and signed on the dotted line for!  It should have just been easier that way no pain would have occurred to those that couldn't hack it.  NNPS was supposed to be a process of elimination.  Not the lowest common denominator.
Jason

Yeah I know what your saying and in no way am i suggesting dereliction of duty because if you read closer you'll see that it says if you do what you are supposed to do, everything else falls into place. You see, a lot of students come here and take the things like what you've said beyond literally and end up trying to give way more than they got because they don't think their 100% isn't going to be good enough from everything they've heard from everyone else and end up burning themselves out. What I was simply trying to imply is to never think you're not good enough because of what someone else is doing, kinda like just because you're not finishing first; it does not mean you aren't trying your best...A lot of students come through here thinking this is a competition instead of a job and instead of doing they're job, they worry too much about how the other guy is doing his job instead of what is best for themselves to stay in and make it through the end...

And how my husband and I both wish nnptc was still a process of elimination still if that's what is was back in your day. Now, it is beyond ridiculous some of the people they push through by the skin of their teeth, even the ones who try everything to not make it, and I have to live with the headache everyday my husband comes home so angry about how much of his time a student has wasted trying to get checkouts "blazed off" because there's so many instructors now who don't care and will just sign off on things that the student has no clue of but doesn't even bother to learn because they don't need to anymore. it's sad, and most even get mad when you wont just sign off on them Because it's such the norm there now that you're the odd ball for not doing it.