wife questions

[JJohnson1989]

So, I was told that when we dock we get 4 out of five days off, and I was also told that I could fly my wife out there to meet me there. now, how does this work, can i stay with her, do I have to return to ship every night, was I just flat out malinformed?

also, what is shore duty like for a nuke?

I know nothing, and it's coming fast

[JustinHEMI05]

Hmmm, need a little more info. But, I will make some assumptions. I assume you are talking about pulling into a foreign port. In a nutshell, if its a liberty port, any day you don't have duty should be a day off. But, if somethings broke or, you just have a giant douche of an EDMC, then you could have a "working" port. In which case you would work some set working hours then be off, if you are not on duty. Ok then. So lets assume all is well and it is a liberty port. Depending on your commands rules, you may or may not have to return to the ship at night. It may or may not depend on things like your quals, your rank, your disciplinary status, the political status of the country you are in, etc. The only person who can tell you your ships rules is someone on your ship. So I suggest asking your LPO. Now, for the next part, it doesn't matter if you have to return to the ship or not. You can have your wife fly out and meet you. People do it all the time. But, the best way to guarantee that you have time together that is not interrupted by things like duty, "working" days, and returning to the ship is to drop a leave chit for while you are in port. By all means, if you are allowed by command policy, don't stay on the ship in port.

Justin

PS You will have a briefing before pulling into every port as to what all the rules are for that port. Sometimes they change and there are also cultural rules you need to be aware of so that you don't cause an international incident and start WWIII (like not picking the oranges in Rota Spain).

[Already Gone]

Recruiters have been using that line since Noah was a Seaman Recruit.

In 8 years, I had one liberty port - Antalya Turkey - where we had liberty when not on duty.  Because we were nukes, and there was no shore power (we were anchored out in the harbor a ways) we stood port/starboard watches one day, had the next day on shore, back to the boat for a day of watches and the fourth day on shore.  Then we went back to Italy to work on fixing the stuff that leaked.

All other "liberty" ports (there were not many of those) were shortened work days between duty days, with maybe one full day off.

Once in almost never in a while, a forward guy (non-nuke), who took leave while in port, would fly his wife in and take her sight-seeing.

Carriers are probably a lot different, but they don't do a lot of port calls either.  There are no places to dock a ship that size in most foreign ports.  Then there are the countries that won't allow nuclear powered ships, or ships with nuclear weapons.

My advice to you is that if you want to "see the world" the Navy might help with that, but if you want to be a world-traveler (especially with a spouse) save your money and do it on your own time.

[JJohnson1989]

i would like to see the world, sure,  i would like a jumpstart as a plant worker, but i would also like to see my wife, world traveler has nothing to do with it

[JustinHEMI05]

i would like to see the world, sure,  i would like a jumpstart as a plant worker, but i would also like to see my wife, world traveler has nothing to do with it

Just do what I said and ask your LPO and pay attention at the port briefs. He gave only his experience, yours will be totally different. It just depends. I experienced both on a fast attack... on one deployment any time not on duty was liberty time. On the other, our douche EDMC decided nukes will have only working ports. So we worked everyday. But either way, guys still had time to have their wives come out. Again, take leave when in doubt.

Justin

[Wirebiter]

And make sure you get a refundable ticket!  I lost a good chunk of change when a scheduled port visit to Scotland was shifted one week to the right. 

[JJohnson1989]

thats actually some useful advise there, i never would of thought

[Wirebiter]

thats actually some useful advise there, i never would of thought

Grasshopper, you have started well on your journey to enlightenment.  For he who knows that he knows not is ignorant; he shall be taught!

Hope it works out and have fun!

[Fermi2]

I gotta say it!

If the Navy wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one!

[Already Gone]

I was wondering who would break down and when.  I was almost there.

You will hear that again.

You will hear how unfair it is that you get paid more money than a single sailor who does the same job as you.

You will hear that the single guys always take one for the team by pulling the  worst duty days or taking a reactor shutdown so you can catch a few hours with your family. 

And then, you will bring up the fact that you haven't seen your wife in months when you are asking for leave, liberty, or some other favor; and somebody will cut loose with the old standby that the navy did not issue you a wife.  The idea that a married man might want to spend time with his wife will carry you so far and no farther.  You will have to repay a lot of favors and still somebody is going to remind you that your choice to marry was your choice and not his problem.

Some day, you will be hoping to take leave to spend with your family, and some single guy in your division with like 88 days on the books will want leave at the same time.  If you try so much as to HINT that you should be given leave instead of him because you are married, you will try to build a time machine to go back and erase the day you were born.  The brothers won't be heartless.  Everybody will try to do what is best for everybody, but do not under any circumstance try to use being married as a reason for any special consideration or you will find that your brothers aren't going to help you anymore.

Hope you get into a division full of married guys who understand or a division of all single guys who will take turns helping you out.  But, the best thing to do is to prepare yourselves emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, and spiritually for long periods of separation with no compensation for your hardship and sacrifice.

Expect to work at your job 24/7/365.  That way, when you get off the ship at 10 p.m. on Friday and have duty Sunday, you will appreciate Saturday.

You are going to miss her birthday, your birthday, your kids' birthdays (likely the actual birth of one or more children), your anniversary, Christmas, Thanksgiving, ... basically everything at least most of the time.

If she's not ready for that, do NOT enlist in the Navy.

[Marlin]

I was wondering who would break down and when.  I was almost there.

You will hear that again.

You will hear how unfair it is that you get paid more money than a single sailor who does the same job as you.

You will hear that the single guys always take one for the team by pulling the  worst duty days or taking a reactor shutdown so you can catch a few hours with your family. 

And then, you will bring up the fact that you haven't seen your wife in months when you are asking for leave, liberty, or some other favor; and somebody will cut loose with the old standby that the navy did not issue you a wife.  The idea that a married man might want to spend time with his wife will carry you so far and no farther.  You will have to repay a lot of favors and still somebody is going to remind you that your choice to marry was your choice and not his problem.

Some day, you will be hoping to take leave to spend with your family, and some single guy in your division with like 88 days on the books will want leave at the same time.  If you try so much as to HINT that you should be given leave instead of him because you are married, you will try to build a time machine to go back and erase the day you were born.  The brothers won't be heartless.  Everybody will try to do what is best for everybody, but do not under any circumstance try to use being married as a reason for any special consideration or you will find that your brothers aren't going to help you anymore.

Hope you get into a division full of married guys who understand or a division of all single guys who will take turns helping you out.  But, the best thing to do is to prepare yourselves emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, and spiritually for long periods of separation with no compensation for your hardship and sacrifice.

Expect to work at your job 24/7/365.  That way, when you get off the ship at 10 p.m. on Friday and have duty Sunday, you will appreciate Saturday.

You are going to miss her birthday, your birthday, your kids' birthdays (likely the actual birth of one or more children), your anniversary, Christmas, Thanksgiving, ... basically everything at least most of the time.

If she's not ready for that, do NOT enlist in the Navy.

Wise words many marriages do not survive a tour in the Navy.

[JJohnson1989]

she is ready, shes more ready than I am, but I know what to expect. We are definitely not having children yet, but if by chance we do, I know we can work through it; I just don't want to do that to my children.

[Already Gone]

Try to plan it so you have your children close to the end of your enlistment.
This will do two things:
1- It will provide you the kick to get off the fence about re-enlisting.  If you are only 75 - 80% sure that you are going to get out.  Having young children will get you to 100%. 
2- Likewise, if you really want to make it a career, the hardest part will be over before you have to deal with the pressures of being a new father.

[Preciousblue1965]

Maybe an urban legend, but maybe not...

A news agency was doing a story on Navy men and their families.  They interviewed this crusty old MCPO that had just retired at like 20+years.  They asked him how, after all the deployments, underways, and time away from his wife and family, he was able to stay married.  His reply?

"Don't whistle while you pack"

[Wirebiter]

You are going to miss her birthday, your birthday, your kids' birthdays (likely the actual birth of one or more children), your anniversary, Christmas, Thanksgiving, ... basically everything at least most of the time.

Well, if he goes subs and gets a T-hull, he can probably get a choice of being there for the birth or the conception, but not both.......

[JustinHEMI05]

Try to plan it so you have your children close to the end of your enlistment.
This will do two things:
1- It will provide you the kick to get off the fence about re-enlisting.  If you are only 75 - 80% sure that you are going to get out.  Having young children will get you to 100%. 
2- Likewise, if you really want to make it a career, the hardest part will be over before you have to deal with the pressures of being a new father.

3. Don't fall for the false sense of hope that staying navy is job security and free health care. Seen many young guys with young families fall for that... and guess who did the convincing? It wasn't the navy... it was the wife. Don't be afraid of the outside.

Justin

[HydroDave63]

Well, if he goes subs and gets a T-hull, he can probably get a choice of being there for the birth or the conception, but not both.......

That's funny, don't care who ya are !

[proud dad]

Well, if he goes subs and gets a T-hull, he can probably get a choice of being there for the birth or the conception, but not both.......

He might want to give some thought to this one.As I understand, the Navy does not always give you your first choice

[alphacookie]

Well, if he goes subs and gets a T-hull, he can probably get a choice of being there for the birth or the conception, but not both.......

I think this statment is not entirely true.  If you take a patrol cycle and multiply it by 3 (1 offcrew for doin' the nasty and some cookin the oven, one patrol for some more cookin, and another offcrew for some more cookin' and the birthin'), you can clearly see that a couple has approximately two months to spare for the conception to birth process to play out (40 weeks).  If you have been on a T-hull or are on one and are married you would know this.  Unless patrol cycles have changed since I have been in, your statement is not correct.  Yes, it does take some planning, but a smart nuke can figure it out.

A T-hull is your best bet to conceive and witness the birth of your child while on sea duty.  You have a much lower chance on a fast boat.

[Wirebiter]

I think this statment is not entirely true.  If you take a patrol cycle and multiply it by 3 (1 offcrew for doin' the nasty and some cookin the oven, one patrol for some more cookin, and another offcrew for some more cookin' and the birthin'), you can clearly see that a couple has approximately two months to spare for the conception to birth process to play out (40 weeks).  If you have been on a T-hull or are on one and are married you would know this.  Unless patrol cycles have changed since I have been in, your statement is not correct.  Yes, it does take some planning, but a smart nuke can figure it out.

A T-hull is your best bet to conceive and witness the birth of your child while on sea duty.  You have a much lower chance on a fast boat.

I guess HydroDave was the only one to see my meek attempt at humor.  The statement was implying a sense of marital unfaithfullness, not ju......nevermind.  I'll leave my bad jokes at the door.

-Rob

[JsonD13]

Don't worry I caught it too.  Just didn't feel it was on topic, or appropriate for me to reply to that one!

Jason

[retired nuke]

Well, if he goes subs and gets a T-hull, he can probably get a choice of being there for the birth or the conception, but not both.......

I seem to vaguely remember a bar called the Delmar outside of NL base....all those poor boomer widows.....

[Wirebiter]

Don't worry I caught it too.  Just didn't feel it was on topic, or appropriate for me to reply to that one!

Jason

Fair enough 

[Already Gone]

I seem to vaguely remember a bar called the Delmar outside of NL base....all those poor boomer widows.....

Boomer widows hung out at Christopher's.  The Del Mar was fer hoggin'

[fueldryer]

The "Love Boat" was good tuna hunting grounds too!

[retired nuke]

Boomer widows hung out at Christopher's.  The Del Mar was fer hoggin'

Hmmm, never was sober enuf to make the distinction....
actually got thrown out of the Delmar once....

[ohhthecrap]

When you come home, depending what your duty section is like and if you have enough guys, you may only have to work once every 3rd or 4th day. When your out your wife can come visit but it is hard to get a mac flight on short notice to a foreign port and be able to time it with boat movement. The boat ports change often and with mac flights you can only know their times a few days in advance unless your wife wants to pay for the flight out of pocket. If you guys do end up at the same place at the same time your boat will give you days off and you would only have to come in for duty days.

[LuckyKid]

How much teamwork is there between shippy's who are married? Like "hey your kid's birthday is tomorrow, so I'll work your duty day if you work my duty day on my anniversary"?

[retired nuke]

How much teamwork is there between shippy's who are married? Like "hey your kid's birthday is tomorrow, so I'll work your duty day if you work my duty day on my anniversary"?

In a perfect world, this would work.
It can work, but it is up to the people involved, each holding their end of the bargain.
And you usually hafta get permission for the swaps, at whatever level is deemed appropriate for the command. A good chief or first can have this happen, a weak ens or jg can screw it up....

[Motown homey]

I remember standing duty for the single guys when we were overseas and having them stand my duty when we got home.  I never tried to make it a total one for one swap, we just did what we could at the time.  No one got their feelings hurt because they couldn't always get the days off that they wanted every single time - it was the Navy after all.

[Preciousblue1965]

I know when I was single, I would always take the duty days for guys during Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc as long as they gave me New Years, St. Patty and sometimes Halloween. It worked out for the married guys and the single guys.  It all depends on the command climate and how well a division works together. 

[NukeLDO]

I did just the opposite.  I always took duty for the single guys so they could fly to wherever home was for the holidays.  I had my wife and kids at home, and I got to see them every night I made it home.  The single guys didn't have the same luxury.  I like to think they appreciated it.
Agree...buddy is only half a word...it all depends on how tight the crew is.

[JustinHEMI05]

Call me a douche, but I never volunteered for the married guys. I cherish my time off with my friends, family and GF as much (if not more) as any married guy. No difference, therefore no special treatment from me. Sorry. Sometimes though, the watchbill was written to favor the married guys and there was nothing to be done about it, except EAOS.

Justin

[cincinnatinuke]

I took Saturday duty when possible to attend church on Sundays with the family.  Not hard to find a Saturday for Sunday swap.  Again you gotta know your buddies and your command.