In the end theres no shame in doing whats right for your family....if anything I say let daddy play stay at home dad or find other employment and you play nuke. In the end it breaks down to who makes more doing what they want to do. I work commercial since with working 12-16 weeks a year, I get to spend the majority of the year being a stay at home mom, which with any other field I wouldnt have that luxury. I tried a real job, and I found the take home was starvation wages once I paid for child care, insurance, groceries, etc... The most important thing is to do what is necessary for your little one, and find the balance that works best for your family situation. I'm blessed enough to have a sister that is a stay at home mother, who my son views as a good mommy replacement for on the road so he's quite well adjusted to the situation and it's well established that mommy always comes back. Really though, its going to have to be one or the other, and since you seem quite capable I suggest you play bread winner and insist the hubby stay home or at very minimum stagger your enlistment and see what can be done to prevent both deployed at the same time.