I think I might need a serious attitude adjustment. Advice appreciated.

[thearchic]

I'm at NPTU now and have until this point hated myself for my ability to retain the information. I'm a pretty average student and have had a huge problem accepting my "limits" as I hate to look at it that way. It seems senior enlisted would scoff at my attitude but I've never been unhappier or angrier at myself in my whole life. I understand that the official response to my attitude is either to just change it or get over myself, however, I believe I need advice that isn't filtered through the command (I've tried asking through the proper channels and with no luck).

Does this metaphorical "noose" ever loosen up? I hear rumors of a high level of suicide in the fleet and have heard reports that half a dozen of my shipmates have committed suicide during my time in training.

[Preciousblue1965]

Ok slick,
Having been an instructor recently at NPTU, I am going to give you my two cents since you asked for it. 

First off, this job is tough.  If it was easy, there wouldn't be a shortage of nukes throughout the known universe.  This isn't like trying to become a rapper, professional ball player, or majoring in "communications studies".  One of my first students probably should have never made it to prototype to begin with.  He was below average accademically.  However comma he busted his arse all the time and was perhaps the best watchstander in his class.  He just couldn't cut the mustard on written exams.  He was probably the best student I had as far as work ethic, but he was also the one I had to help the most, and I was more than happy to help him because I knew he would give back 100% in his own effort to pass.  What does this mean to you?  If you are trying, you will be fine.  This isn't Rickover's nuclear Navy anymore in regards to the attrition rates of the past.  Give it your best and you will get the same effort in return for your troubles.  Don't worry that you aren't able to pick up every single detail.  NO ONE EVER HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT.  That is where the metaphor of the firehose on full blast comes to full fruition.  You really think we all were able to get down every drop of water, HECK NO.  We want you to have a good idea of what to do, but more importantly we want you to know how to find the right answer when you don't know it.   I would rather have someone on watch who may not know every single detail but can at least "nuke it out" and use the books to find the answer. Why? because there is always going to be some time that something goes wrong and it won't be written in stone how to deal with it. 

Secondly, unfortunately the "noose" does not ever really loosen up, at least not until EAOS.  Once again if this job was easy, there wouldn't be a shortage of us and SRBs wouldn't be heading for 100K.  You will be continually tested from the day you set foot on your ship or boat until you are a short timer with only a few days left on board and you turn in your TLD.  Sometimes it will be on something you will be heavy on and other times it will be on stuff that no one has ever even heard of before other than some training 3 months ago just before a 3 day weekend.  While I can't testify to any level of suicides(mostly because I have been out for almost 3 years now), I can say that in my time it was still pretty rare. 

That is my two cents worth of free advice, take it or leave it.  If you have any more questions feel free to PM me.

[thearchic]

I understand my attitude may offend seniors and I don't mean for that to be the case. I feel that I need to set an apology forth immediately as of now. I understand that it was much more difficult to pass before my time. I also believe I am difficult to understand (I've been told so). I never thought this was going to be easy though maybe that was seemingly inferred.

Passing is not my real question as I believe I can make it on determination and my relatively lower ability to retain information.
My understanding is that this information doesn't prepare an individual for the civilian world in except for the fact that you get your foot in the door, and it seems the pace never really lets up. Some of us simply don't cope as well. BTW suicide is not an option for me and I would never tell the chain of command that. I apologize if I gave that indication, but this is exactly why I don't want to talk to the chain of command. I don't want to set off any "alarms" and get inadvertently discharged. I did however try a couple different outlets like help at fleet and family and honestly found it all (including the chaplain) to be of very limited use.

[NukeLDO]

You should be talking to your primary care physician at the clinic.  The chaplain and family services are great, so far as they go, but if you need help, the medical community can refer you to the right folks.
Welcome to life...its full of challenges...and easier if you are talking to someone about your particular challenges.  I recommend you do that.

[Khak-Hater]

thearchic,

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, the noose loosens, or more accurately, there is no noose [except the one you imagine for yourself]. 

Except your limits. 

The advice to accept your limitations is sound, but more important than looking at your weaknesses, appreciate your strengths.  I had dozens of ELTs work for me during my six years on the E, and I only considered two (2) to be truly useless to me [and neither of them were retention challenged].  I understand that even both of them are doing fine now that they're out of the Navy. 

Your problem right now is that for the last year or so, your only real job [how you contribute and what you feel judged on] has been learning, and you feel weak and tired because it's not your strong point.  Well, pretty soon you'll have a real job to do, of which learning is only a small part.  You'll be able to finish a day's work and say "I did a good job today."  Once you're qualified on your first watchstation and being productive, then you'll have plenty of time to learn your next one, because you'll be busy WORKING.  Then, after the Navy, if you don't go into Operations at a power plant, you may not ever have to learn anything ever again [I know plenty of people making six figures working for DOE contractors who have less knowledge than you have right now].

So, relax, take a breath, work hard to learn what you can, keep a good attitude, and you'll do just fine.  School and training are artificial environments that have very little to do with real life.  When I was a kid, I watched Richover interviewed on "60 Minutes."  He said that the happiest day of his life was the day he was finished with the Naval Academy, because it was just a bunch of bunk.  Look past the obstacle in front of you and enjoy the fact that life WILL get better.

As far as suicide goes, I knew dudes in college, who had no other responsibilities than to pass basketweaving 101 and have sex with easy girls [and we had a lot of those], who committed suicide.  Young adults commit suicide.  For that matter, middle-aged adults commit suicide.  In comparison, I don't remember anyone who committed suicide during my time on the E.  Who would voluntarily want to die as a Navy blueshirt?  Would you have to wear patch-pocket, bell-bottom dungarees in Heaven?  I shudder at the thought. 

Enjoy,

mgm

[JustinHEMI05]

for the inadvertant discharge comment and taking ownership of your problems. Like Jason said, stop looking to the civilian world. Its a whole new level of difficult that you don't need to worry about now (at least the ops side).

Good luck

Justin

[BetaAnt]

Being an an old 'Rickover' Nuke, it does get better. You have to realize the game that is being played. Just as in bootcamp, they test you. You blow thru 'A' School and get to NPTU. The weeding begins. Some people give up and quit. Others, like yourself, believe you have reached your limit. The truth is, you have unlimited capabilities... when you unlock them. It does take time, but you can do it. Ask your instructors for help in the academics and wall yourself into your own world. You are the most important one. Take whatever concept you have and build on it. My self and two friends brainstormed to design and draw up plans for a thermodynamic system to store energy underground for later household usage. The design has faded with time, but the fun memories remain. GET OUT AND HAVE FUN WITH YOUR NEW ABILITIES!!! You may not have them now, but they will come to you. Just get past the next few months. Never give up, Never give in.

Out in the fleet, remember, the mind games can get viscious. Keep your head on your sholders and in a tech manual. Become the Go-To-Guy for a system and run with it.

Live Long and Prosper 

[Gamecock]

Once you're qualified on your first watchstation and being productive, then you'll have plenty of time to learn your next one, because you'll be busy WORKING. 

Not to sugar coat anything.....but life on the boat/ ship isn't necessarily any better.  If you go surface, your first assignment is Reactor Training Division which is essentially just like being on crew at NPTU.  And, if you are delinquent in your quals, then you will work extra hours.  This is true even after you get to your division.  Once you qualify your first watch station, then you get to move on to qualifying your next watch station.....and it doesn't end until your are senior-in-rate....which if you are a mechanic could be seven watch stations.

[Khak-Hater]

Not to sugar coat anything.....but life on the boat/ ship isn't necessarily any better.

The ship is definitely better than NPTU.  You have a job other than qualifying.  A real sense of worth outside of the qualification process.  More importantly, the people who are responsible for qualifying you have jobs other than qualifying you AND [big bonus] you qualifying improves their watch rotation.  This greatly improves [almost] everyone's attitudes.  

I have to admit, that God has gifted me with more than my share of retention ability, but even for someone who found training easy, life on the ship was enormously better, because you got to work.  Doing a good day's work can be its own reward.  Plus, it's a lot easier to learn the plant when you're working on it every day.  

You're correct about RT Division though.  It had the same stiffling feel to it as NFAS, NPPS, and NPTU.  I'd recommend that you get through RT ASAP and get on to your division where you can be useful.  Personally, I was out of RT about two weeks after I got to the ship [that's a completely different story that deserves it's own thread].  I knew lots of guys though who hung out in RT for as long as they could.  "Milk that curve." was their motto, "Why start working if you still had another eight weeks to qualify BNEQ?"  

If I was a nub who had a hard time learning, I wouldn't play that game.  Get down in the plant.  Embrace the plant.  Love the plant, and the plant will love you back.  

Enjoy,

mgm

[thearchic]

Thanks for the feedback. I had trouble with the just get over it and get going vibe I kept getting. I believe I needed the hope of being useful and mattering one day. I haven't stood out since I joined the Navy.

I'll keep one foot after the other and not look too far ahead (my problem since boot camp day-1).

Thanks again

[NukeLDO]

I'll keep one foot after the other and not look too far ahead (my problem since boot camp day-1).

That's known as trudging....look it up...seriously....trudge. (and then get over it!  )

[bdhoe]

No matter how bad it may seem during your whole navy time, in the end this will be a "era" of your life that you will cherish.
A) your doing a lot cooler things then 99.9% of your friends
B) when you get to your boat (or ship..targets) you'll make some of your best friends...a long with those that you've made along the way
C) once you have fulfilled your contract or renewed and retired the door for employment is wide open...

Be fruitful young nuke the world is at your door step, Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was your life..Carpe Diem

P.S: One day all the integrated systems stuff just makes sense and falls in to place it happens to all of us..just takes some time..