Pilots VS. Maintenance

[Roll Tide]

(I am betting Southwest is the certain airline.....)

    After every flight, pilots from a certain airline fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

     Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by the pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by mechanics.



P:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S:  Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P:  Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P:  Something loose in cockpit.

S:  Something tightened in cockpit.



P:  Dead bugs on windshield.

S:  Live bugs on back-order.



P:  Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S:  Evidence removed.



P:  DME volume unbelievably loud.

S:  DME volume set to more believable level.



P:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S:  That's what friction locks are for.



P:  IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S:  IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P:  Suspected crack in windshield.

S:  Suspect you're right.



P:  Number 3 engine missing.

S:  Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P:  Aircraft handles funny.

S:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P:  Mouse in cockpit.

S:  Cat installed.



And the best one for last;



P:  Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like midget pounding something with hammer.

S:  Took hammer away from midget


(With airline industry cutbacks, operators have dealt with these same smart alecks at nuke plants!)