Nuke Humor

[Rennhack]

Top 10 Question that didn't make Roy Lightfoots DOE CORE test.

1. Name 752 radionuclides.  Give their specific activities and half lives.  Calculate their yield of radiation by type.

2. You are repairing a detonation mechanism on a nuclear warhead when you accidentally generate a nuclear blast.  What will your next move be?

3. Suppose you are working on a criticality experiment by slowly lowering a slab of plutonium down on top of another slab of plutonium and you accidentally drop the top slab on top of the other.  The exposure rate in the room immediately rockets to 800,000 R/hr. You quickly separate the slabs which takes 14 seconds.  What will the temperature rise be in the stainless steel filling in your 2nd molar if it is located 16 inches from the center of the source?  What will you exposure rate from the filling be?

4. Suppose you are performing maintenance on a reactor and you remove to many neutron absorber rods and have a slight meltdown accompanied by an immediate steam explosion equivalent to a 1,000,000 lb TNT explosion. You were located approximately 3 feet above the containment vessel when it exploded.  How deep into the concrete containment building will your remains be splattered assuming nuclear plant specification concrete?

5. An individual is working in a radiation sterilization plant which has a nylon conveyor belt running over a 100,000 curie cs-137 source at a distance of three feet.  The belt moves at a sped of 5 meters per minute.  The individual passes out and falls onto the conveyor belt and passes through the sterilization chamber.  As the individual passes over the source the belt sags down 6 inches. What is the expected life of the conveyor belt?

6. A Russian air force pilot is dropping concrete on top of the Chernobyl Unit #4 RBMK-1000 Reactor with a helicopter after a very large steam explosion and subsequent meltdown. The reactor core is exposed to the open air. The pilot crashes directly on top of the exposed core.  What is the Dead Body Dose Rate (DBDR) for the pilot assuming one inch of steel shielding and a quarter inch of cotton shielding?  HINT: The tenth value thickness for cotton is three meters.

7. A crew of radiation workers were loading a Type B cask with a remote handling unit for shipment to the Yucca Mountain High Level Waste Repository when a rare species of mocking bird flew into the top of the cask. One of the radiation workers, being an avid bird love, grabbed a ladder and ran over to the top of the cask to get a look at this rare spectacle.  Startled, the bird flies away after spending five minuets total directly on top of the source. How far will the bird fly before the worker dies?

[Melissa White]

MMMMmm.
  Mike, These are a bit tough, but I might give it a whirl.
In question 3 I need a bit of clarification.  Is the filling a silver alloy or an epoxy resin?
  Thanks!
 

[Piston]

Those were great!  However, my vertical scroll missed questions 8 thru 10.  

[jrc0429]

Aha,

Questions 8 through 10 were trick/ awareness questions. Sort of like the 'Name' blank at the top of the form.

[Rennhack]

I haven't laughed out loud in a long time.  Thanks.

Aha,

Questions 8 through 10 were trick/ awareness questions. Sort of like the 'Name' blank at the top of the form.

[thenukeman]

A Health Physicist was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,
I'll turn into a beautiful princess."  He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. 
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay
with you for one week." The Health Physicist took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the Health Physicist
took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay
with you for a week and do anything you want.  Why
won't you kiss me?"
The Health Physicist said, "Look I'm an Health Physicist. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog...now
that's cool."