Truths

[Phurst]

1.  Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2.  The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3.  Its always darkest before the dawn. So if you're gonna steal your  neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4.  Sex is like air. It's not important until you aren't getting any.

5.  The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6.  No one is listening until you fart.

7.  Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when  you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8.  If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.

9.  Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

11. There are 2 theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

12. We were born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt...then  things just get worse.

13. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on  the same night.

14. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.