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Offline Nukes_wife

How can I help my husband?
« on: Feb 01, 2011, 08:26 »
Hello everyone, I appreciate you reading this and helping where you can.

My husband and I discussed him joining the Navy in 2009 when he was laid off of his warehouse job and couldn’t find employment for months. His dad retired from the Navy, so he was partial to the idea of it over any other branch. We went in and talked to the recruiter, who basically sugar coated everything, in my opinion because my husband did well on the ASVAB and he wanted to recruit him as a Nuke. We read up on as much as we could, we always checked posts on this site when we had questions and discussed all the pros and cons. He signed his contract and left months later for boot camp in May. We were married prior to him signing (because that’s where our relationship was and that’s what we wanted, not for any other reason). We are both in our mid twenties and have no children.

Once he graduated boot camp he was off to Goose Creek and shortly later I joined him. We got a place in town off base, that we quickly learned was not a good idea due to his hours so we moved on base. After not seeing each other for a few months and discussing the option of kids, again weighing the pros and cons, it was our decision that we would try while here, it would probably take 6 months or more to get pregnant anyway. We were wrong, one month later we were pregnant. We couldn’t have been happier, however I was very sick through the first trimester and his hours were getting better, then worse, then better, so it was a constant roller coaster on my emotions and his stress level. I have always had a career until we moved here and am now staying home to help with everything I can. My husband and I have a strong relationship and are great at communicating. We aren’t young like most newly weds here the have constant marriage problems, so all this stress and anxiety was a new challenge for us, on top of my concern for his ability to balance everything.

My husband started Power School a few weeks ago, and last night found out that he failed a math test. Math was his worst subject in A school, considering he has been out of High school for 7 years, I was just happy that he passed A school. The adjustment to such a strict study schedule is more than I think I could have handled, so I am very proud of his accomplishments so far.

My concern is that my husband will not make it through Power School, math is not the only subject that he struggles with, he's putting in about 30-35's now. Our son is due the first week of June and we have discussed his re-rate options and checked the CREO list to see where the Navy's needs are, I know he really won’t have a say in what he gets rerated to. We are concerned that he will miss the birth of our son and possibly be rated to something that he will not gain any useful experience in the civilian workforce when he gets out.  I have faith that he will work his hardest to make it through the Nuke program, and will be proud of him no matter what. I am wondering if there is anything I can help with. Any pointers that husbands have for reducing stress? I now realize that this is not the time to start a family and wish that we would have waited, but there is nothing we can do now and we will make the most of the situation we are in and enjoy our family no matter what.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions that would help I would really appreciate it. I do all the cooking and cleaning and take care of anything I can so that he can focus on school. I get his uniforms ready and have his lunches ready everyday when he walks through the door. I’m emotionally supportive and constantly tell him I am proud of him, no matter what happens. I just want him to know that we will be okay, no matter what happens, but this is what he wants so I want to help him through in any way that I can. Thank you.


Offline retired nuke

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #1 on: Feb 01, 2011, 08:49 »
Reading your letter (and nicely written) it looks like you are doing everything YOU can do.

You sound like responsible, mature adults, with a plan.

Just do what I tell my Cub Scouts - do your best. Hopefully he will make it through. If not, most any technical rerate will be useable in Civlant.

Thanks for your (both of you) service - good luck, and a few prayers. Tell him he's lucky to have you (which I'm sure he knows...)

Keep us posted.
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Offline hamsamich

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #2 on: Feb 01, 2011, 09:18 »
If math truly is his only problem, that is a good problem to have.  Because math is mostly concepts and less memorization, you may be able to get to the root of his problem quickly and fix it quickly.  Find out which concepts he is having trouble with and start with the SIMPLIST one and then work your way up.  Some people understand math but let a few basic yet IMPORTANT concepts degrade their entire understanding of math, even using the calculator can be a huge stopper.  Once you find out where the problem lies, work on those concepts and like a snowball picks up speed he should get better at math.  The one problem he may first need to overcome is his pride.  He needs to drop all his pride and be honest with what he does and doesn't understand about math.  People create an invisible wall that can be hard to overcome when it comes to things like math and physics.  Time is critical in NPS, there is no time for pride right now....  PM me with any issues or problems and I'll help as much as I can.  If you send me his issues with math I can offer suggestions.  Let me know what he can and can't do, or figure it out for yourself.  This should be fixable!

You need to get surgical with time management right now.  Sleep, study and relax time must all be spen wisely.  Break up study times as much as possible.  Going in in the morning an hour or 2 before class is an excellent way to do this.  Putting in too many hours after class in a row is very inefficient for many of us, including me.

Offline Nukes_wife

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #3 on: Feb 01, 2011, 10:31 »
Math is his biggest problem, physics takes a close second. I will check with him on his math issues, he's not a really prideful man, he's very real, and I am sure that any help will be greatly appreciated. He goes in early every day except Friday in an attempt to break it up, and he stays about an hour after each day that he doesn't have group PT right now, then comes home to eat, spend 30 minutes of quality time and go back until about 2300 each night. So, he's running on about 4-5 hours of sleep each night, which I know is contributing to the problem, but there are only 24 hours in a day to work with. Thank you for your advice and suggestions, I really appreciate your encouragement. :)

Offline Marlin

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #4 on: Feb 01, 2011, 10:46 »
Hello everyone, I appreciate you reading this and helping where you can.

My concern is that my husband will not make it through Power School, math is not the only subject that he struggles with, he's putting in about 30-35's now.

Many moons ago there was a sign at the entrance of Nuclear Power School in Mare Island that said the "The smartest must try as hard" they will not make it easy for anyone but if your husband is willing to put forth the work he should be fine. There is a lot of investment in each recruit, not to support them to his or her level would be a great waste. The entry level requirements are meant to screen out those who cannot make it. Many fine operators who excelled later struggled with school after all who do you want running your reactor Urkel or Fonzie  8) .

Offline JoshD1982

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #5 on: Feb 01, 2011, 12:19 »
First,  if your husband doesn't get 6 hours of sleep a night he will not make it.  Right now he is in the easier classes, and if he is struggling in math and physics Reactor Principles will kill him.  He needs to make sure he uses the night duty instructor every night.  So when the NDI is in the building your husband should be as well.  The staff is there to get the students through school and i assure you that the staff will do anything possible to help him.  Nuke school is all about time management.  You can spend 40 quality hours in the building and it will be better than 80 hours in a haze.  Make sure he is eating right, take it easy on the coffee and red bull and make sure that he gets to blow off steam every day to get his mind off of school.  This is what my schedule was like when i was in the toughest part of power school.

6:00 Wake up
6:15 at the chow hall
6:30 in the building studying
730-1130 lunch
1130-330 school
4:00 basketball
5:00 shower
5:30 dinner
6:00 in the building
sometime between 9:30 and 10
at the barracks
sleeping by 11

weekend: study for 8-10 hours sometimes and the other times be a frivolous 20 year old

Offline Mike_Koehler

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #6 on: Feb 01, 2011, 12:44 »
Don't you give up....... Don't let him give up.... Nuke school is all about finding the breaking point of each student and Pushing it....... 5 hours a night is not enough sleep to think clearly, He needs at least 6...... Is he on ordered hours? Or does he still get to "choose" his study plan? I always preferred to do 4 hours every day (1 before, 1 after school, and 2 after dinner) and 3 blocks of 3-5 hours over the weekend. I struggled with power school but Qualified 3rd at prototype and was on Mandatory 30-35 most of Power School. It is all worth it after you have done your time.

Mike
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Offline hamsamich

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #7 on: Feb 01, 2011, 01:35 »
That's good he is trying to break it up.  But he needs more sleep.  He needs to get 7 hours a night if possible.  And that's good you are using Friday as a day to break up the week.  If the mind doesn't get some type of break all the study will probably be counter productive.  Sounds like you are doing all you can do as far as effort is concerned.  Eating right is VERY important also, and laying off the coffee during the later hours is important too. 

Two things you need to do is get him more sleep, and find some way to get the basics down in math before too much more time has gone by.  Maybe he should take an hour a day and study things he has already tested on in math and get them down COLD.  Math is a cumulative subject; if all the pieces aren't put together from the previous lessons it will cause a much larger error in later work.  Spending the time to go back and ensure you have all the major basics down may be beneficial.  Let me/us know some specific math issues and maybe we can help.

Keep him well rested and fed right to make sure he gets a fair crack at getting out of NPS alive.  To be able to make it through he has to be at his best since it seems to be a big challenge to him.

Offline Nukes_wife

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #8 on: Feb 01, 2011, 03:10 »
Don't you give up....... Don't let him give up....

I am doing the best I can to keep encouraging him and to keep my head up, especially when I know he's at his max. At lunch today he said that he would like to be able to go back through math but there just isn't enough time when it comes down to the three subjects of homework at the end of the day. He is on 25-4 mandatory hours, however, he puts in what he needs to in order to get the homework done Mon-Sat and then studies on Sundays for 5-7 hours (broken up morning/evening) for the test that next week. He said today that he would try to talk to his SLPO to see what else he can be doing, so hopefully he can help out as well. The NDI is open for a short amount of time and there is always a line, so there is usually a 45 minute wait, for help with one problem. He usually resorts to asking classmates for help, but they dont explain how to get to the answer, just the answer. So I know that is part of the problem as well. I do my best to feed him healthy meals and he limits his caffeine, he learned that the hard way in A school  ;) I will try to make sure he's in bed getting more rest when he can. I really appreciate all the suggestions, and knowing that others have struggled and made it through helps a lot. 

andrewnavy

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #9 on: Feb 01, 2011, 05:05 »
Nuke_Wife
Try to get him through it.  It is not like that on a boat.  It is basically a proving ground and afterwards you get to actually see how everything works at prototype and on a ship.  If you are wanting to set yourself up for civilian employment after the Navy, being a nuke is a good thing.   I am currently interviewing for a company that pays over 100k a year and it has nothing to do with physically operating a nuke plant. 

 If you do have to re-rate, my friend did well with being a CTN and is getting paid comparable money (actually a little more).

In the end, good luck and do not let a job cause strife in your marriage.  Just tell him to always remember that at the end of the day, it is only a job.

Ways to help him:   
If he is having problems with math, have you tried finding a tutor outside of the Navy that he can see for an hour or so a day?
Put your foot down and keep him home to sleep if he is going to be no good while he is there.
Also, monitor him and make sure he is 'OK.'
Make sure you talk to him because you might be his only out in his life right now.

andrewnavy

Offline Gamecock

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #10 on: Feb 01, 2011, 06:59 »
 
If he is having problems with math, have you tried finding a tutor outside of the Navy that he can see for an hour or so a day?

andrewnavy

There are more then enough smart people, and good instructors, in the building that can help him.
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Offline Nukes_wife

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #11 on: Feb 01, 2011, 08:36 »
Gamecock-

I agree, its about his time management and utilizing his resources. There wouldn't be enough time to seek outside help, besides the fact that the concepts are specific to the subject matter.

Offline thenukeman

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #12 on: Feb 01, 2011, 09:05 »
As XO of a training company  ( Army Nuke) it was very difficult to get help for people that needed it.  You need to help yourself. Seek out friends that can help.  If he got a very smart single friend maybe invite him over for a day on the weekend and cook him some steaks etc.

I had trouble with people failing their first class or not doing well. If I had my choice I  would have sent them all back 1 week for  math refresher if I thought they were weak in it.  It carried through out the course.  Most of my failures came from people who I believe would have passed if given just a week remedial training.  He is probably right about having to wait for help. A lot of my NCO's were good NCO's but were very poor when it came to teaching math and physics.

Books a million may have a basic math cliff note book.  I actually looked for mine and could not find it.  Hope someone did not steal it.  I found   it very helpful.

http://www.booksamillion.com/product/9780764563744?id=4966123855130

Only 9 dollars,  A great investment


Below is a basic cliff notes for Algebra.  These books really make it easy to understand.
http://www.booksamillion.com/product/9780470880289?id=4966123855130

Again about 9 bucks
« Last Edit: Feb 01, 2011, 09:11 by thenukeman »

Offline rocco787

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #13 on: Feb 01, 2011, 09:16 »
Just keep doing what you're doing.  You are an amazing person for what you are doing.
Just keep the support going.

I struggled just like your husband thru A school and Power school, he just needs to COMMITT, and stick with it.  When he gets down on himself...keep the encouragement coming.  If the instructors see that he is busting his butt and trying to learn the material, they will not let him fail.

Hate to sound like a broken record but...best advise is to just keep doing what you're doing and don't let him quit.

Offline Rod Puller

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #14 on: Feb 01, 2011, 09:38 »
Don't overlook the importance of relaxing as well.  Although it is very important to learn the material to the best of his ability, it's just as important to give his mind the opportunity to take a break.  I was extremely fortunate going through the pipeline to have a wife (similar to you it seems) that cared a great deal about both my personal and professional well being.  She was understanding of the hours I had to put in to learn the material and supportive of my need to unwind once I got home.  When my wife and I conceived our first child it was wonderful to completely detach from nuclear power by talking about names and looking at baby furniture.  It's not an easy lifestyle to maintain as a navy wife but I promise you it will pay dividends when he makes it through the program.  If you guys can establish a routine now it'll make that transition to prototype that much easier.  Twelve hour rotating shifts is hard enough, it doesn't need to be compounded by him taking his work home with him.  I wish that all of our students had spouses that cared so much about their sailor's wellbeing.  Thank you for all your efforts and dedication.  Your husband is a lucky man.
« Last Edit: Feb 01, 2011, 09:40 by awilson »

Offline hamsamich

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #15 on: Feb 01, 2011, 11:11 »
The nukeman's advice is exactly the direction I think you should go in.  But you must act soon.

DSO

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #16 on: Feb 02, 2011, 05:21 »
I was out of high school for 5 years and only had up to Algebra 2 while there..Math was my worst subject also in pre-Nuke School...I think I almost or did flunk one test....many had 2 or 3 years of college and this Math was just review for them...I was an HVAC repairman prior to the Navy..but as Nuke school progressed I gained ranking when the subjects were new to all ...and not as fast paced as Physics and Math because those seemed like review.  I ended up ranked 89 of 472 at graduation....so Im thinking things may getter better as Nuke school progresses....good luck!!
« Last Edit: Feb 02, 2011, 05:23 by DSO »

jowlman

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #17 on: Feb 02, 2011, 11:11 »
Take this advise with a grain of salt because it has been decades since I was in nuke school. Tell him not to wait until after hours to go see the duty instructor. Have him talk to his chief and tell him that he wants to talk to the instructors during his study halls. I know that I struggled with electrical theory. During our study time I would go down to their office and could get one on one help. It wasn't always with my instructor, but one of them was always available to help. Sometimes having a different instructor added an additional perspective that was valuable as well. I hope that this helps and thank your husband for his service.

Offline MiZZ_YuNg

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #18 on: Feb 02, 2011, 04:04 »
From Nuke_wife/ex-nuke To fellow nuke-wife, you are doing great! you can only do as much as you can do and let him take it from there. All this advice is great. take it and roll with it. The NDIs are great! They feel like it's a waste of a night if there is no one to help so make sure he is in there every chance he gets. If at all you get discouraged and feel he's at his end, remember they give second and sometimes third chances. THEY DON'T WANT HIM TO FAIL!! The best thing on top of all that you do is to make sure he doesn't give up and he will make it through.

best of luck!! Nuke Wives RuLe!!! Hang In There Ms. Lady!
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Cycoticpenguin

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #19 on: Feb 07, 2011, 04:34 »
First,  if your husband doesn't get 6 hours of sleep a night he will not make it. 

PHEW! Hope you dont go on deployment lol

I have to disagree with your post, not because you are wrong, but because its not apples to apples. Judging by your post, you are not married, much less, have kids (if I am wrong, correct me). That changes things dude.


OP -> It sounds like your husband is truly trying to make it through. In the fact that you are supporting him like this, helps him a great deal as well. To be blunt, not everyone is able to get through the program. Its rigorous and difficult, at best. As long as he did his best, there is no shame walking out of that building without passing. Just make sure he is using every available resource and using his time to STUDY not just stare at papers for hours at a time. If he ends up not passing, instructors will see that he gave it his best, and usually will take care of him. There are other "civilian happy" rates in the navy, so dont get all gloom and doom if you guys dont make it through. Going through this program is tough. Going through with a new born... I cant imagine.

Good luck to both of you!

Offline Jechtm

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #20 on: Feb 23, 2011, 10:51 »
I personally met you husband and helped him out a bit.
I noticed that his grades aren't that bad, but he will need to put more time in than most people. He definitely does not lack the Math skills needed to get through physics, RP, MTMO etc. The problem he has is getting through long simplifying exponential problems which I even had a hard time getting through while with him. He won't need that kind of depth of math skills for the rest of power school, just make sure he sticks with it and he will do well.

~mike

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Offline Nukes_wife

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #21 on: Mar 02, 2011, 10:59 »
Mike,

Thank you so much for meeting with him and going over math. He said it was helpful. He passed his next test, but his GPA still wasn't high enough to pass math as a whole, which is OK. He is doing well in his other subjects right now, he has even been dropped to 0 hours, even though he continues to put in over 25 hours a week.

All other posts: I'm so grateful for everyones help and suggestions, I can't say enough good things about this site, everyone is so helpful and helps to keep our eyes on the big picture. Thanks again!

Offline Mike_Koehler

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #22 on: Mar 02, 2011, 06:06 »
Please let us know when he passes

Mike
« Last Edit: Mar 02, 2011, 06:07 by Mike_Koehler »
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Offline playswithairplanes

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #23 on: Mar 08, 2011, 10:00 »
He is doing well in his other subjects right now, he has even been dropped to 0 hours, even though he continues to put in over 25 hours a week.

DO NOT SLACK OFF. He may have been dropped to zero required hours, but he STILL needs to be putting in his time. Do not make the mistake that many do of "it's not required, so I won't do it". That is the path to failure.

Nuke School is a test of his ability to drink from the fire hose. It's not easy, and it takes much hard work. Getting through the pipeline is just as much about personal drive, as about book learning. He has to WANT to do it.

What he needs from YOU is 200% support. You need to let him do what he needs to do, with out complaint. If the stove breaks YOU get it fixed. If the baby gets a cold, YOU need to take the wee one to the doctor and not (for lack of a better word) bother your husband with it. I know that life with babies is a major hassle, pain, hardship, etc etc. I have 3 of my own, the youngest is just turning 9mo now. However, he needs to focus, and to knuckle down and get it done. He needs you to be REALLY understanding. I mean REALLY, not fakey "I'll get mine outta that SOB later" kind of supporting. This will be a test of you as much as of him. YOU need to be up to the challenge as well.   

It is a HARD life, yes it is. However, you need to understand that this is a dress rehearsal for what life will be like when he is at sea. He will be GONE for at least half the year. In many cases he will be completely out of all contact. You will have to do it all, because there is no alternative.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I don't mean it to be anything more than truthful. You do sound like you have what it takes from your posts. I wish my ex-wife was half as supportive as you sound to be. It's a tough job being married to a squid. It takes a very, very special woman to hack it. BE that woman. Good luck.
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Offline Nukes_wife

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #24 on: Mar 18, 2011, 08:53 »

 I mean REALLY, not fakey "I'll get mine outta that SOB later" kind of supporting.   


Well, I appreciate your opinion, but to be honest, just because your ex wife sounds like half the woman I am, and it seems that maybe she really screwed you over, doesn't mean that you should talk to me like that. I would NEVER EVER think of my husband like that and honestly its insulting that anyone would say that to me, let alone someone who doesn't even know us. Best of luck to you, it does sound like you are going to need a VERY patient woman. And saying that you didn't mean to sound "harsh" doesn't justify insulting someone. I am WELL aware of the challenges ahead and if I were not supportive I wouldn't have been on here asking for advice to help with the challenges at hand.

Cycoticpenguin

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #25 on: Mar 18, 2011, 10:06 »
Well, I appreciate your opinion, but to be honest, just because your ex wife sounds like half the woman I am, and it seems that maybe she really screwed you over, doesn't mean that you should talk to me like that. I would NEVER EVER think of my husband like that and honestly its insulting that anyone would say that to me, let alone someone who doesn't even know us. Best of luck to you, it does sound like you are going to need a VERY patient woman. And saying that you didn't mean to sound "harsh" doesn't justify insulting someone. I am WELL aware of the challenges ahead and if I were not supportive I wouldn't have been on here asking for advice to help with the challenges at hand.

Get off your soap box. You DONT know what lies in store for you. You DONT know where you will be in one year, much less 2. A member comes in explaining what needs to be done means to do it, and if you already are, kudos. Hes offering advice and you spit it back in his face... who do you think you are??? 

I know of ONE successful marriage in my tenure in the navy. statistics are against you. THAT is NOT an insult, and merely factual. Until you get through on the other side you need to relax.


Offline Marlin

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #26 on: Mar 18, 2011, 10:56 »
Well, I appreciate your opinion, but to be honest, just because your ex wife sounds like half the woman I am, and it seems that maybe she really screwed you over, doesn't mean that you should talk to me like that. I would NEVER EVER think of my husband like that and honestly its insulting that anyone would say that to me, let alone someone who doesn't even know us. Best of luck to you, it does sound like you are going to need a VERY patient woman. And saying that you didn't mean to sound "harsh" doesn't justify insulting someone. I am WELL aware of the challenges ahead and if I were not supportive I wouldn't have been on here asking for advice to help with the challenges at hand.

Hang in there, they are right there is a lot of stress on a marriage for Nukes male or female in the Navy. There are a large number of the members of my SubVets group that have been married to their first wives who were in the Navy as Nukes in the 50s and 60s. Regretably (or not) I am on my second marriage (30 years married/28 churched) but one of my old shipmates I served with in the 70s is still married to his first wife. Not easy but doable so hang in there young lady you have a good attitude.

I wager 50 quatloos in favor of the newcomer.  ;)

Cycoticpenguin

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #27 on: Mar 18, 2011, 11:00 »

I wager 50 quatloos in favor of the newcomer.  ;)

lets hope... her and her husband certainly have a rocky road ahead of them, thats for sure. The test will be time! Not ever going to say it cant be done, just that things happen.

Offline OldHP

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #28 on: Mar 19, 2011, 12:00 »
Well, I appreciate your opinion, but to be honest, just because your ex wife sounds like half the woman I am, and it seems that maybe she really screwed you over, doesn't mean that you should talk to me like that. I would NEVER EVER think of my husband like that and honestly its insulting that anyone would say that to me, let alone someone who doesn't even know us. Best of luck to you, it does sound like you are going to need a VERY patient woman. And saying that you didn't mean to sound "harsh" doesn't justify insulting someone. I am WELL aware of the challenges ahead and if I were not supportive I wouldn't have been on here asking for advice to help with the challenges at hand.

A lot of folks have been trying to help with the challenges at hand and offer support since your first post, why cop an attitude now, particularly with the embedded screams!  If you are taking a point of help, advice, and support as an insult just wait to see what is ahead.  There will be days, weeks, months when you dont hear from your husband - who is serving his (and your) country. 
Humor is a wonderful way to prevent hardening of the attitudes! unknown
The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. Regan

pandadair

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #29 on: Mar 19, 2011, 12:13 »
Nukes_wife, I was right where you are about a year ago, so feel free to PM me if you need any advice and/or support.  We got married (at 26) right after Power School, so I was here living with him while he was on hold and during Prototype.  I just want to second what other people have said as far as your husband's effort being the most important factor.  My husband also had a hard time passing math, and, actually, struggled with more than he probably wants me telling to random people on the internet.  But, he got through it, and so will your husband.

For better or for worse, right now you're married to his Navy career.  I agree with what other people said about the best thing you can do is to keep things stress free at home.  I can't really advise you on how to do this while also dealing with a baby, as we made every effort not to at that particular juncture, but I know quite a few people that have.  I just made sure, no matter what shift he was on, that he had dinner ready for him and that he got an hour or two of worry-free decompress time before he had to sleep.  

And playswithairplanes was not in any way insulting you, he was giving you his honest insight.  The wives that seem to have the hardest time are the ones who see themselves as some sort of saint, martyring themselves for the cause and expecting to be acknowledged for it, which is what I took his response to mean.  Chill out.  You will run into a lot of people on these boards with a not overly optimistic view of marriage in the Navy (or so it has seemed to me, as a frequent reader and infrequent commenter).

ETA:  Just think of little things you can do that will be a load off his mind, even if just a small one.  While my husband was in Prototype, when he was relaxing before bed, I'd get his lunch for the next day together and in the fridge, so he could just grab it and go in the morning.  When I was feeling super cheesy, I'd put little napkin notes of encouragement in there.  Seriously, anything you can think of that will allow him to have less on his mind while he's at home and able to relax, the better.
« Last Edit: Mar 19, 2011, 01:08 by pandadair »

drayer54

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #30 on: Mar 19, 2011, 12:53 »
Get off your soap box. You DONT know what lies in store for you. You DONT know where you will be in one year, much less 2. A member comes in explaining what needs to be done means to do it, and if you already are, kudos. Hes offering advice and you spit it back in his face... who do you think you are??? 

I know of ONE successful marriage in my tenure in the navy. statistics are against you. THAT is NOT an insult, and merely factual. Until you get through on the other side you need to relax.


Only one? Did you not pay attention? I remember 2!

Offline playswithairplanes

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #31 on: Mar 19, 2011, 02:47 »
Thanks for the kind words folks, much appreciated.

To the OP, Dear child, some day you will understand. When someone who has been through what you are going through gives you some free advice that YOU asked for, the polite thing to do is to shut your mouth and accept it. Whether you act on it or not is completely up to you. However, YOU did ask for the advice of people who have been where you and your husband are now. To be honest, it's no skin off my ass whether you or your husband make it through Power School. I already did, probably before you were born. I was merely trying to answer your request for advice, and I gave you the exact same advice I would give to one of my daughters should they ever find themselves in a similar situation. I still say good luck to you, and to your husband. There will come a time in the not so distant future when you and you husband will look back on your time at NPS and consider it a golden, care free time in his Navy career. Make the most of it. 
« Last Edit: Mar 19, 2011, 02:49 by playswithairplanes »
Airplanes and submarines... they are similar it's just the density of the fluid that separates them

Cycoticpenguin

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #32 on: Mar 19, 2011, 03:31 »
Nukes_wife, I was right where you are about a year ago, so feel free to PM me if you need any advice and/or support.  We got married (at 26) right after Power School, so I was here living with him while he was on hold and during Prototype.  I just want to second what other people have said as far as your husband's effort being the most important factor.  My husband also had a hard time passing math, and, actually, struggled with more than he probably wants me telling to random people on the internet.  But, he got through it, and so will your husband.

For better or for worse, right now you're married to his Navy career.  I agree with what other people said about the best thing you can do is to keep things stress free at home.  I can't really advise you on how to do this while also dealing with a baby, as we made every effort not to at that particular juncture, but I know quite a few people that have.  I just made sure, no matter what shift he was on, that he had dinner ready for him and that he got an hour or two of worry-free decompress time before he had to sleep.  

And playswithairplanes was not in any way insulting you, he was giving you his honest insight.  The wives that seem to have the hardest time are the ones who see themselves as some sort of saint, martyring themselves for the cause and expecting to be acknowledged for it, which is what I took his response to mean.  Chill out.  You will run into a lot of people on these boards with a not overly optimistic view of marriage in the Navy (or so it has seemed to me, as a frequent reader and infrequent commenter).

ETA:  Just think of little things you can do that will be a load off his mind, even if just a small one.  While my husband was in Prototype, when he was relaxing before bed, I'd get his lunch for the next day together and in the fridge, so he could just grab it and go in the morning.  When I was feeling super cheesy, I'd put little napkin notes of encouragement in there.  Seriously, anything you can think of that will allow him to have less on his mind while he's at home and able to relax, the better.


awesome. Just awesome :)


Only one? Did you not pay attention? I remember 2!

pray tell? Casey? no... Cash??? No... Me?? No...  Besides yourself and .... I honestly cant think of anyone. Im not counting  the nubs or master chiefs btw. 

« Last Edit: Mar 19, 2011, 03:34 by Charlie Murphy »

Offline Gamecock

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #33 on: Mar 19, 2011, 12:08 »
I enlisted in the nuclear navy back in 1990.

I got married back in 1992.

3 kids and almost 19 years later, we're still together, I'm still serving, and the marriage is better then it ever was. 

So, it can be done.

IMHO, the number one reason a marriage stays strong is that both my wife and myself never thought of divorce as an option.  We got married for  better or for worse, and praise to God, it has been significantly more better then worse.

Cheers,
GC
“If the thought police come... we will meet them at the door, respectfully, unflinchingly, willing to die... holding a copy of the sacred Scriptures in one hand and the US Constitution in the other."

Offline navynukedoc

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #34 on: Mar 21, 2011, 02:05 »
So your original post was on Feb 1st. 6 weeks has passed. How are you and your husband doing? How is he doing in NPS?


-Doc
"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence" - George Washington

Offline Nukes_wife

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #35 on: Mar 23, 2011, 06:38 »
Wow, I really feel like this has gotten blown out of proportion. I did start with "I appreciate your opinion" and I meant that. I have dealt with several people don't sugar coat things, and I appreciate it for the most part. For whatever reason, the post I was responding to seemed insulting and degrading to my intentions. I really do apologize if I offended anyone who may have thought I was being ungrateful for the advice. It just seems to me that his advice about not being a phony wife doesn't apply to me. If I didn't intend to stick out every horrible and wonderful moment with my husband for the rest of my life, well honestly I wouldn't be airing our issues to people I don't know in hopes of finding some sort of advice or help that applies. I don't think that I know everything, as a matter of fact, I'm sure there are a lot of things that I know nothing about, but when I say I am well aware of the challenges ahead, I only mean that I am someone who prepares for the worst, so I try to be prepared to handle the impossible.

So, in short, I apologize for offending anyone, I appreciate all advice, and I realize that for the most part people wouldn't even look at posts on here if they weren't trying to help in some way. To the last poster (Doc), my husband is in week 13 of power school and got a 3.5 on his last exam. We are doing well in our marriage & intend to keep it that way. Thank you.

Offline navynukedoc

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #36 on: Mar 23, 2011, 07:00 »
Absolutely fantastic to hear. Please don't take things to heart on here. Just read, digest, and progress. We are all salty in some way or form after all. (Although some of us could use some sensitivity training.)


Please keep us informed and let us know WHEN he graduates!

-Doc
"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence" - George Washington

Offline retired nuke

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #37 on: Mar 23, 2011, 08:45 »
Playswithairplanes reminds me of a previous poster here on NW...

Anybody remember who I'm talking about?

Cereal comes to mind....

Nukes_Wife - most anybody I know would have been insulted by that comment -your error was rising to the bait. Keep doing what you are doing, it seems to be working.

Again, thank you both for your service, and I hope things continue to get better.  :)
Remember who you love. Remember what is sacred. Remember what is true.
Remember that you will die, and that this day is a gift. Remember how you wish to live, may the blessing of the Lord be with you

Offline playswithairplanes

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #38 on: Mar 29, 2011, 04:19 »
HouseDad,
I've only got one handle on this site, and this is it. If I remind you of someone who pissed you off in the past, well too bad, but it wasn't me.

As for being insulted by my comment? Really? I thought it was quite clear. Many women out there will play games where they pretend to 'take one for the team' but then turn on their husbands at a later date and throw their martyrdom in their faces and expect kowtowing and goddess like adoration. What I was saying was don't do that. Why? Because it's toxic, to both her and her marriage. She chose to take my comment wrongly. Fine. It's a free country.

I stand by my advice. 
Airplanes and submarines... they are similar it's just the density of the fluid that separates them

maxx571

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #39 on: Jul 12, 2011, 04:58 »
Ma'am, I am not sure this will help, but....I graduated nuc school class 7201.  I failed the math course and went to an academic board.  The Captain looked me in the eye and said "Petty Officer Reynolds, I don't think you are smart enought to be a nuc."

Keith R. Reynolds MMCS(SS) USN Ret.  Ph.D
USS Nautilus 571, USS Stonewall Jackson SSBN 634 Gold, USS California CGN 36, USS Yellowstone AD41.

I have six college degrees and NOTHING is as hard as Nuc School. I do Hope your husband made it through Nuc School, and to all those in Nuc School, DO IT!  You are the top 10% of the top 10%

Offline Stormon

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #40 on: Jul 16, 2011, 03:44 »
Wouldn't that just be the top 1%? lol

Offline Starkist

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #41 on: Jul 16, 2011, 11:47 »
Wouldn't that just be the top 1%? lol


Brainwashing doesnt sound near as cool when simple numbers are used ;)




Offline Jechtm

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #42 on: Sep 24, 2011, 08:58 »
Brainwashing doesnt sound near as cool when simple numbers are used ;)





Ha, I love this place.
"Truth is the Daughter of Inspiration;... It is like a finger pointing a way to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory."

~Bruce Lee

Offline Nukes_wife

Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #43 on: Mar 25, 2012, 02:07 »
Just wanted to let anyone who wants to know that he has passed comp in Proto and is preparing for Ack Board. He got our first pick for boat and location too. I am beyond proud of him and all the time and effort that he has put in. To top it off he manages to be a great husband and dad. Just wanted to share and thank everyone who has helped us through the rough times and shared in the happy ones.

Fermi2

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #44 on: Mar 25, 2012, 02:37 »
Wouldn't that just be the top 1%? lol


After reading this I am now convinced there is no detail a nuke would be glad to challenge another nuke about.

Makes me glad I joined this industry :)

Offline DDMurray

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Re: How can I help my husband?
« Reply #45 on: Mar 26, 2012, 06:52 »
Just wanted to let anyone who wants to know that he has passed comp in Proto and is preparing for Ack Board. He got our first pick for boat and location too. I am beyond proud of him and all the time and effort that he has put in. To top it off he manages to be a great husband and dad. Just wanted to share and thank everyone who has helped us through the rough times and shared in the happy ones.
Congratulations.  Good luck!  BTW do you mean qual board instead of ack board?
The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life.
T. Roosevelt

 


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