Getting Married

[illogic]

I enlisted in the Navy about a week ago.

My current ship date is in April.  My girlfriend and I have been tossing around the idea of getting married and I'm for it.

What can I expect married life to be like in the military?  I assume that we'll be apart quite some bit, but can I expect an increase in pay?  She already has a child from another marriage, so I'd be taking on a dependent.

Once I've completed Nuke schooling where would she live?

Could she live on a base with me?

Any assistance would be great.  I need info to convince her this is all a good idea.  I don't want to join up and lose her.  =(

[Mike McFarlin]

Run illogic run. Don't look back!

[illogic]

Run illogic run. Don't look back!

haha

Yeah, I understand why you'd feel that way.  I'm a little in love with this girl, so that's not going to work in this case.

[xobxdoc]

why don't you see if your relationship will last through bootcamp first before you get married.

[illogic]

why don't you see if your relationship will last through bootcamp first before you get married.

I'll likely do that, but I'd still like to research what would happen if I do wind up married and on active duty.

She'd wind up moving and leaving her job behind, I'm sure.  Would my housing allowance cover a place for us both to stay?

I need to know that I'll have the ability to provide her with stability.

[Brett LaVigne]

This scenario gives me an ill feeling in my stomach. Not because I think you should not get married but because it is going to be a hard road no matter what you decide considering that the relationship continues either way.

You are going to get advice to do it, not do it, run away, wait etc. Any of us could share personal experiences with relationships and direct you to statistics that prove absolutely nothing. In the end, we and the stats are not you. None of our experiences and none of the stats out there have anything to do with you or your situation so the advice in my opinion is worth next to nothing. You will decide to make the choice for better or for worse and only you can estimate what the probable outcome might be.

I will say this much. You mentioned that you were thinking of how the union would impact living arrangements and income. Get married because you are in love and can't stand the thought of being without each other, nothing else. To get married for financial reasons, for religious beliefs, because someone thinks it is a good idea etc. will be a mistake. Get married because you know in your heart that it is what you "need" to do.

This probably didn't help but I felt compelled to share an opinion (as I usually do). I wish you the very best and thank you in advance for your service to our great country, it is a noble act.

[JustinHEMI05]

haha

Yeah, I understand why you'd feel that way.  I'm a little in love with this girl, so that's not going to work in this case.

Is "a little in love" enough? Of course that is a question you have to answer for yourself. I cannot presume to be able to counsel you on whether or not you should get married young as a low ranking military member. What I can tell you that if she quits her job, you will struggle for a while. How long a while depends on you and whether or not she decides to pitch in by getting another job. Yes you will get more money with dependents (which is BS if you ask me), but it will barely be enough to live. Yes the military will provide you with the necessities... a roof and some food and shotty medical care. But thats it. You will not be living anything too high above the poverty level. You may have to collect food stamps or some other sort of assistance (seen that a lot). But thats the reality of being an E1-E4 in the military with a family. Should you be scared? Heck ya. But, I have seen it done and I am sure many people here have struggled through this time. Besides going on deployment, this period of time when you are low ranking and not pulling in much money will likely be the biggest strain and test of your marriage. This is especially true if she doesn't pull in her share. If she has a job too, then things of course will be much better. Thats just simple math and economics. But I submit to you, as an opinion, that E5 and below pay is not enough to allow a family to live with anything greater than barely above poverty... only your very basic needs to survive. That is all the military will provide you.

If you or she is entering this thing with any debt, of course that will just compound the stress even more. Your best bet for success is for her to have a job too.

Stability? If moving around a lot and leaving for months on end is stability... then ya... you could say that. Again you will be able to provide her with only the very basic of needs. If she needs more... she is going to have to work. Its that simple.

Good luck!

Justin

[desertdog]

yes, if the relationship is meant to be it will be fine 2 years from now WITHOUT being married.  my brother wishes he would have done that. now he is paying for it and hen some.

[Melrose]

I enlisted in the Navy about a week ago.

My current ship date is in April.  My girlfriend and I have been tossing around the idea of getting married and I'm for it.

What can I expect married life to be like in the military?  I assume that we'll be apart quite some bit, but can I expect an increase in pay?  She already has a child from another marriage, so I'd be taking on a dependent.

Once I've completed Nuke schooling where would she live?

Could she live on a base with me?

Any assistance would be great.  I need info to convince her this is all a good idea.  I don't want to join up and lose her.  =(

First off.... if you two are simply tossing the idea around, then you probably are doing it for all the wrong reasons.  If you both are serious, then you both should be "seriously" considering it.
Second, expect married military life to be trying, hard work and loaded with ups and downs.  It takes a special kind of woman to put up with her man being gone 6 months a year or more.  I remember being on base watching the wives wave farewell to their husbands, doing an about face and welcoming home their boyfriends.  You two need to be ready for the long split, and either trust each other or don't ask questions.
She'd live with you if housing were available.
Sounds like you already joined up, or haven't you sworn in yet?  If you have, then it's a little late to worry about all this.  The thing left to do is delve inside yourselves and decide if up for the task ahead of you.
It's hard to offer any viable feedback not know both your ages.... physical and mental.  How long have you been together, who's older, who's more mature... yada, yada.  You know what I mean.
Third.... stability?!?!?  Not in the Navy. 
Everything you get from the board here is gonna range from the miserable and bitter to the special case 20 years and loved every nimute of it story.
Don't let the posts sway you in either direction.  Use them as info only, remember there's always two sides to every story.
You two decide.... measure your feelings, weigh the pros and cons of getting married or not, then go off and make your own story of married life in the Navy.

[Rad Sponge]

Wait til you are back from your first deployment, approximately 2 years from right now give or take.

Let her experience a West Pac or Med-Run or 6 monther here and there or something.

You both have no clue yet.

But, good to be looking for advice, that shows some maturity.

Let her focus on her job or education.

You won't have much time for her and she will be a distraction doing your training.

I have always said I can trace my successes in the Navy back to the fact that during training I experienced no alcohol or girls.

It was a hard, Spartan, existence, but it set me up for a successful career and my marriage handled the Navy.

J

[firefly]

I too have been debating about marriage and feel nearly in the same boat as you. I want to get married but...My future is the most important thing to me and I can't help but be fearful, and realistic about the situation with him. I'm perhaps a hopeless romantic but I'm looking forward to all those love letters, I'm looking forward to seeing his face on rare instances, I'm looking forward to knowing that the feelings I have for him and he has for me will remain strong for the next two years, that's when I'm going to again consider marriage. Cause if they dwindle down, and we stop writing love letters, and stop having the passion we've always had, then s#%t. He's not the one for me. And it's as simple as that.

But about.com is really good to check out how much extra money you'll get when you have dependents.

[Rad Sponge]

Just because married folks get more money, that should be a perk and not a reason to get hitched right away.

I was lucky, I had a SPU tour for my first two years of marriage and rotating shift work was hard on the new bride, but at least I was in the APT everyday.

I am not telling any young Sailors here what to do.

Seek out guidance from the Chaplain, Command Master Chief, Fleet and Family Services, a counselor, priest, rabbi, shaman, wiccan priestess, whomever, just be patient.

[Sirveri]

I was with my now wife for almost five years prior to enlisting. We got married prior to enlisting. It's not for everyone, but I'll give you the same words I give to everyone who thinks about getting married in the Navy.

Can you trust her with money?
Can you trust her not to slut her way around the neighborhood?
Can you trust her to support you and not be stupid?

If the answers to those questions are anything other than yes, think long and hard.

Lets talk about money. I joined up and went to A school and chose to live in base housing. We got a windfall during boot of 5k$ from a recently deceased relative. I specifically told her to NOT work for a variety of reasons. We ended up even at the end of our time in SC. I'm still an E-4 (but I will be frocked to E-5 if I can lose some weight), now she's working, and we pull about 2k$/mo while living out in town. If I get thin and paid E-5 I'll up that by 500$/mo. However the Navy will NOT give you extra money just because she has a kid. That said, if you live within your means and are good with money, you will do perfectly fine. Compare this to another individual I know whose wife liked to sit around doing nothing all day long but eat and watch disney channel and then proceeded to help rack up 20k in debt. They did NOT do well financially. She later got pregnant and he ended up going crazy in prototype saying he hated his life and the first time he got into the plant started spinning valves freely (on his indoc tour). Would actually like to know what happened to him since I went to A school with him.

In any event we actually liked base housing in South Carolina, you aren't going to get much better out in town and your commute will be worse. Also if your SLPO is a dick he won't let you drive during phase 1, and that will really make life painful for you. Then again I heard that they privatized base housing, which could mean you're going to be screwed there because some old retired O-6 wants to rape and pillage the blue shirts to fund his retirement.

Sluts... Once you deploy you're going to be gone for at least six months, you have to be able to trust her while you are gone, or not care that she's sleeping around. I've heard plenty of horror stories of nuke love gone awry and people getting home to see their wife getting it on with another guy on the couch.

Support and non-stupidity. Girl I know who I went to Indoc with was kicked out of base housing because her husband did drugs and was caught. I think they also threatened to take her daughter away. My wife was more than willing to do everything it took to support me, including ironing my clothing and other things. It helped that she didn't work, but once you get to prototype you will not be home. I resent right now when my wife bitches about her long days when I'm at work 85 hours a week on average. If she's not supportive and understanding about the ammount of stress you are under, that will become a problem. If she's prone to do stupid shit that will get YOU in trouble, that's also a problem.

[Cycoticpenguin]

Hey dude, Just wanted to let you know i was in the same boat. Dated girl for 3 years before the navy. I was(am) really in love with her. However, do to the fact you dont have a freaking clue what you are getting into, I suggest you do what I did -> wait until you graduate power school. During these times you are going to be so stressed out, you will likely be putting in lots of hours of study, all the while making it miserable for her. Plus, the way I looked at it, if you are seperated it, it gets her used to you being gone for weeks/months at a time. I saw my wife every 3 months, for 1.5 years, and it worked out. 

I hate to say it, Sirveri's questions are very valid. Too many stories of sailors getting screwed over by their wives/husbands. If you really plan to go on with it, ask yourself many times "Do I trust her?!" 

Hoping for the best, welcome to the navy

[navytwinmom]

not sure if i saw this on this site or the navy site however it is my understanding that if you are a DEPer right now which it sounds like you are you can not change your "status" without redoing all the paperwork and such. Talk to your recruiter before doing anything.

Take care and thanks for your service

[Kev3399]

not sure if i saw this on this site or the navy site however it is my understanding that if you are a DEPer right now which it sounds like you are you can not change your "status" without redoing all the paperwork and such. Talk to your recruiter before doing anything.

Take care and thanks for your service

The paperwork can be done in 15 minutes with an average yeoman. Even if it doesn't get done before bootcamp, you revalidate all of your paperwork and data when you get to bootcamp. The only thing that doesn't get redone I believe is your official medical physical. Something you will later call your 5 year radworker physical.

[TheObiJuan]

Howdy!
I as well am in a similar situation; I am 24 years old an my fiancée is 26.
I ship out to RTC on 20080520.
I will be married before I ship out, thankfully I read on this thread my paperwork will need to be updated to change my marital status! 

I was told by the nuclear recruiter that once I arrive to GC I would talk to the commander in charge and let him/her know I have a wife I need to go get and our belongings too. He then would permit me to go down and move.
My questions are simple:
How many days are truly given for this move since we live in Texas? [I've been told 4+ days that do not count against leave]
Will I have to pay for my flight to Texas from GC? Both our flights back to GC?
I have read that the move is payed for, sometimes out of pocket costs occur, but reimbursement will occur, is this accurate?
Is it feasible for the Navy to move our stuff and POVs, if so, will it arrive to our house on base in a timely manner?
Or do we have to move it all ourselves.

I have had all of my questions answered by the recruiter, however, I find a non-interested third party to be more honest. Usually I am presented with the best possible scenario as the only answer by the recruiter when I know very well it is not the 'full truth' us folks could encounter.

I am asking here because I have read conflicting accounts on the web and would like some clarification.
DISCLAIMER: I have thoroughly read almost all of the threads on these Navy Nuke sub-forums over the past month.
I joined to perform more specific searches and pose questions.

I was also told by the nuke recruiter that I could live with my wife immediately, however I read on about.com that it would take 31 days before this would occur?

I understand rules in the Navy and NPS change frequently, so the most current experiences would be very helpful.

Best Regards.

[badger]

I would not get married prior to joining the military as a nuke. Your honeymoon period is going to be spent studying in school. While it will be easier for you and her to stay close together; it will also be a very difficult time. She will be living in base housing while the overwhelming majority of your time will be spent at school. I can't vouch for current conditions, but when I went through I went in to school at 6am and didnt come back into my barracks room until about 9pm most of the time. If possible, I'd say hold off on marriage until you get to a ship.

[Cycoticpenguin]

Im not too sure of you are referring to with "GC", but heres whats going to happen.

1st) go to boot camp, graduate bootcamp
2nd) go to SC with your division
3rd) talk with your chief in A school about having your wife moved in a "Home of record move".

search for home of record move, as it entails a lot. Quick answers- yes its payed for, no theres no set time frame you have (you will be limited by school, so go on a long weekend), you can get screwed over. I recieved no money for my move to New york.

[DDMurray]

Howdy!
I as well am in a similar situation; I am 24 years old an my fiancée is 26.
I ship out to RTC on 20080520.
I will be married before I ship out, thankfully I read on this thread my paperwork will need to be updated to change my marital status! 

I was told by the nuclear recruiter that once I arrive to GC I would talk to the commander in charge and let him/her know I have a wife I need to go get and our belongings too. He then would permit me to go down and move.
My questions are simple:
How many days are truly given for this move since we live in Texas? [I've been told 4+ days that do not count against leave]
Will I have to pay for my flight to Texas from GC? Both our flights back to GC?
I have read that the move is payed for, sometimes out of pocket costs occur, but reimbursement will occur, is this accurate?
Is it feasible for the Navy to move our stuff and POVs, if so, will it arrive to our house on base in a timely manner?
Or do we have to move it all ourselves.

I have had all of my questions answered by the recruiter, however, I find a non-interested third party to be more honest. Usually I am presented with the best possible scenario as the only answer by the recruiter when I know very well it is not the 'full truth' us folks could encounter.

I am asking here because I have read conflicting accounts on the web and would like some clarification.
DISCLAIMER: I have thoroughly read almost all of the threads on these Navy Nuke sub-forums over the past month.
I joined to perform more specific searches and pose questions.

I was also told by the nuke recruiter that I could live with my wife immediately, however I read on about.com that it would take 31 days before this would occur?

I understand rules in the Navy and NPS change frequently, so the most current experiences would be very helpful.

Best Regards.

Go to militaryhomefront.dod.mil or call 1-800-342-9647 (Military One Source).  They will know the right answers.  You should have all this figured out prior boot camp.  You should be able to move your family during one of the leave periods you will get between RTC, NFAS, NNPS.  In general, the navy will not pay to ship your car.  You will be limited based on the weight allowance for an E-3, but should be given some money based on the mileage between GC and your home of record.  Do not wait until you get to Goose Creek to figure this out.  If you need more help drop me an e-mail.  Good Luck!

Derek Murray
emcsmurray@hotmail.com

[Kev3399]

Here is a website that I didn't find out about until late in my career. Like all military websites.....I don't like the way they're organized. Its a good reference though for family stuff.

http://www.lifelines.navy.mil/lifelines/index.htm

[TheObiJuan]

Thank you for the referrals and information-much obliged!

[JJohnson1989]

I'm getting married really soon and going to boot camp in august; from what I understand my wife will be allowed to live with me all through school, prototype, and service correct?

[JustinHEMI05]

Since you missed it...

http://www.nukeworker.com/forum/index.php/topic,12040.0.html

Good luck and Merry Christmas!

Justin

[JJohnson1989]

Thanks, I just got through all the getting in forums; and now moving on