Little Johnny

[littlebittime]

This was sent to me this morning...  

LITTLE JOHNNY

 A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger
 turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights
 will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
 passenger."

 Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly and said to
 the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

 "Oh, I don't know," said  the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

 "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me
 ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. The
 same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
 flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
 that is?"

  "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

  "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

[azkidd]

One day in class, Little Johnnys teacher called upon the kids to tell a story, as long as it had a moral to it.  Immediately Little Johnnys hand went up.  The teacher ignored Johnny and called upon Anne.  Anne began.  "One day my mom asked me to go to the store and get some milk and bread.  I went to the store and bought the milk and bread, and placed it in my basket on my bike.  On the way home, I rode through a pot hole.  The bread and milk jumped up, and the jug of milk had broke, and was empty by the time I got home.  I had tears in my eyes as I told Mom what had happened."  The teacher replied, "Anne, that is a sad story.  What is the MORAL to this story?"  Anne replied "Don't cry over spilled milk."  "Very good the teacher replied.  "Tom, what is your story?"  Tom stodd up and began.  "I live on a farm, and my chore before school is to collect the eggs from the henhouse.  One morning, I decided instead of carrying two baskets to collect my eggs, I will only take one.  By the time I got to the house, half the eggs had broke."  The teacher replied, "what is the MORAL of your story?"  Tom replied, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket !"  Finally, as the stories and hands lingered to only one person, she called upon little Johnny.  "Okay, Johnny, what is your story?".  Johnny stood with a solemn look.  "My Dad was in Vietnam.  This one night he and his buddy were in a foxhole, and a firefight broke out.  For thirty minutes, they fired their M-60's at the tree tops, the brush through the smoke.  Finally, my Dad realized his buddy was shot...he was dead.  My Dad reached into his napsack, pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels, and drank all of it!  He through the empty bottle out of the foxhole, reloaded, and started firing...at the trees, the brush, around the foxhole.  He ran out of ammo.  After 10 minutes, as the dust was clearing, not a sound in the distance,  he realized he was the only one alive!"  Johnny sat down, tears in his eyes.  The teacher exclaimed, "Johnny, that is a very morbid story!!  What on earth can the MORAL be?!!"  Johnny stood up, and said, "Don't Fuck with my Dad when he is drinking!!"