Girlfriend just left for navy is becoming a nuke

[nukebf2015]

Im looking for some help and answers to questions.
She is my everything, Im sad to see her go trust me its been hard and a week has gone by. Cant begin to tell how much ive been missing her but im ready for the long haul. We decided to do the long distance threw her A school, year and haft but shes flying out to get her car so were going to drive it back cross country i cant wait for that than ill catch a flight back home. just some questions now, and we both fell in love after only being together for a short time and i trust her she would never cheat shes not that kinda of a girl i can see it, plus she said if we ever broke up she couldnt be my friend and plus she brought up the Long distance not me and she said she wouldnt go for it but she really must love me cause we are doing it (at least trying it), she just turned 20 and im turning 21 in july so we are good not planning for kids anytime soon but she did ask is would be a stay at home dad but she really wants to be a full time mommy, and i told her when the time is right we can work something out and i know if we get threw boot camp we can do it, cause right now the hardest think is not talking to her all the time or ever night and every morning.
1. when should i expect her first letter cause her parents havnt heard from the recuiter about it and its been a week, the got "the box" yesterday 6/3/15
2. she is an E3 and will rank up either after boot camp and in A school so if we do get married can i live on base with her or can she live off base cause she shooting for san deigo which is 2 hours away from home, and i would relocate and change jobs (i work for Chrysler)
3. Is anyone else in my shoes?
4. how did you get threw this?

[xobxdoc]

Im looking for some help and answers to questions.
She is my everything, Im sad to see her go trust me its been hard and a week has gone by. Cant begin to tell how much ive been missing her but im ready for the long haul. We decided to do the long distance threw her A school, year and haft but shes flying out to get her car so were going to drive it back cross country i cant wait for that than ill catch a flight back home. just some questions now, and we both fell in love after only being together for a short time and i trust her she would never cheat shes not that kinda of a girl i can see it, plus she said if we ever broke up she couldnt be my friend and plus she brought up the Long distance not me and she said she wouldnt go for it but she really must love me cause we are doing it (at least trying it), she just turned 20 and im turning 21 in july so we are good not planning for kids anytime soon but she did ask is would be a stay at home dad but she really wants to be a full time mommy, and i told her when the time is right we can work something out and i know if we get threw boot camp we can do it, cause right now the hardest think is not talking to her all the time or ever night and every morning.
1. when should i expect her first letter cause her parents havnt heard from the recuiter about it and its been a week, the got "the box" yesterday 6/3/15
2. she is an E3 and will rank up either after boot camp and in A school so if we do get married can i live on base with her or can she live off base cause she shooting for san deigo which is 2 hours away from home, and i would relocate and change jobs (i work for Chrysler)
3. Is anyone else in my shoes?
4. how did you get threw this?

Boot camp is the easy part.

[Samabby]

While she is in training, you should be getting some training & education for your own benefit. She will be immersed in some very demanding training for the next 18 months, so thinking about being her stay at home baby daddy will be far remove from her thoughts.

[MMM]

Im looking for some help and answers to questions.
She is my everything, Im sad to see her go trust me its been hard and a week has gone by. Cant begin to tell how much ive been missing her but im ready for the long haul. We decided to do the long distance threw her A school, year and haft but shes flying out to get her car so were going to drive it back cross country i cant wait for that than ill catch a flight back home. just some questions now, and we both fell in love after only being together for a short time and i trust her she would never cheat shes not that kinda of a girl i can see it, plus she said if we ever broke up she couldnt be my friend and plus she brought up the Long distance not me and she said she wouldnt go for it but she really must love me cause we are doing it (at least trying it), she just turned 20 and im turning 21 in july so we are good not planning for kids anytime soon but she did ask is would be a stay at home dad but she really wants to be a full time mommy, and i told her when the time is right we can work something out and i know if we get threw boot camp we can do it, cause right now the hardest think is not talking to her all the time or ever night and every morning.
1. when should i expect her first letter cause her parents havnt heard from the recuiter about it and its been a week, the got "the box" yesterday 6/3/15
2. she is an E3 and will rank up either after boot camp and in A school so if we do get married can i live on base with her or can she live off base cause she shooting for san deigo which is 2 hours away from home, and i would relocate and change jobs (i work for Chrysler)
3. Is anyone else in my shoes?
4. how did you get threw this?

1. Probably in another week or so. I don't remember boot camp very well (it's been over 20 years), but I think you only had a chance to write letters once a week. She should be getting a phone call in the next couple weeks as well.
2a. She'll advance to E-4 after A School, so 6-9 months from now. However, she's eligible for BAH/base housing once she's married, regardless of rank.
2b. While it's nice that she wants to be in SD, she has little to no say in where she gets stationed, plus that's almost 2 years down the line.
3. Probably (not me).

Now the bad news. I'm about to be meaner than rerun, but I'll try to phrase it nicely. First, I understand you're not in the same community as we are, and it's great that you're trying to find out more, but if your general writing style is any indication, your relationship won't last too long (horrid grammar, run on sentences, using the wrong spelling of words, etc.). She will be working with people who take details very seriously, even those little things most people don't care about, so little mistakes will likely start making her nuts. Second, I'll accept the statement that she won't cheat on you (just because we've all seen it before, doesn't mean we've seen it with everyone) more due to lack of time than anything else, at least for the next year or so. However, somewhere around prototype, she'll start finding herself with free time, days off, and hanging out with people.

Good luck.

[Ksheed]

1. Probably in another week or so. I don't remember boot camp very well (it's been over 20 years), but I think you only had a chance to write letters once a week. She should be getting a phone call in the next couple weeks as well.
2a. She'll advance to E-4 after A School, so 6-9 months from now. However, she's eligible for BAH/base housing once she's married, regardless of rank.
2b. While it's nice that she wants to be in SD, she has little to no say in where she gets stationed, plus that's almost 2 years down the line.
3. Probably (not me).

Now the bad news. I'm about to be meaner than rerun, but I'll try to phrase it nicely. First, I understand you're not in the same community as we are, and it's great that you're trying to find out more, but if your general writing style is any indication, your relationship won't last too long (horrid grammar, run on sentences, using the wrong spelling of words, etc.). She will be working with people who take details very seriously, even those little things most people don't care about, so little mistakes will likely start making her nuts. Second, I'll accept the statement that she won't cheat on you (just because we've all seen it before, doesn't mean we've seen it with everyone) more due to lack of time than anything else, at least for the next year or so. However, somewhere around prototype, she'll start finding herself with free time, days off, and hanging out with people.

Good luck.

Excellent example of how to be straight forward and honest without being a complete "nickname for Richard".

[spekkio]

Im looking for some help and answers to questions.
She is my everything, Im sad to see her go trust me its been hard and a week has gone by. Cant begin to tell how much ive been missing her but im ready for the long haul. We decided to do the long distance threw her A school, year and haft but shes flying out to get her car so were going to drive it back cross country i cant wait for that than ill catch a flight back home. just some questions now, and we both fell in love after only being together for a short time and i trust her she would never cheat shes not that kinda of a girl i can see it, plus she said if we ever broke up she couldnt be my friend and plus she brought up the Long distance not me and she said she wouldnt go for it but she really must love me cause we are doing it (at least trying it), she just turned 20 and im turning 21 in july so we are good not planning for kids anytime soon but she did ask is would be a stay at home dad but she really wants to be a full time mommy, and i told her when the time is right we can work something out and i know if we get threw boot camp we can do it, cause right now the hardest think is not talking to her all the time or ever night and every morning.
1. when should i expect her first letter cause her parents havnt heard from the recuiter about it and its been a week, the got "the box" yesterday 6/3/15
2. she is an E3 and will rank up either after boot camp and in A school so if we do get married can i live on base with her or can she live off base cause she shooting for san deigo which is 2 hours away from home, and i would relocate and change jobs (i work for Chrysler)
3. Is anyone else in my shoes?
4. how did you get threw this?

Since the nuke community is all about 'managing expectations' to increase retention, I suppose this is a good opportunity for that...

Your gf is going to be busy with work. A lot. Boot camp doesn't allow new recruits to call or write home for a certain period of time for a reason - they are trying to wean young adults olds off their parents and loved ones. It's part of the job and you might as well get used to it sooner than later.

Following boot camp she'll go to A-school, which is only slightly less restrictive and time intensive than boot camp. Then it's onto nuclear power school where she will be working about 60 hours a week preparing for weekly exams. Then it's onto prototype where she will be working 84 hours a week in order to qualify on a real live reactor plant. She'll be in shiftwork and every 4th week she'll get a 4-day weekend to unwind, but this whole 'averages out to 55 hours a week' isn't actually the same as working 55 hours a week on a set schedule. That's like saying if you put half your body in an oven and half in a refrigerator then on average, you're comfortable.

After NPTU she will most likely go to a carrier where she will be on 3- or 4- section duty in port (which means she sleeps on the ship every 3rd or 4th day) and will do at least one 8 to 10 month deployment every 32 months. When she's not sleeping on the ship she will be working 10-12 hours a day on average, and very possibly on weekends/holidays. Depending on the geo-political environment she could get surged and do much more than that, since there are only 11 carriers. On the carrier she will have email access and very limited internet to do much else.

If she goes on a sub as one of the first enlisted women then it is possible that she will not be able to contact you at all for 2-3 months while she is on mission. You'll get a couple weeks of contact when they pull off station for an inport period then go another 2-3 months without contact.

If she reenlists and goes to shore duty, very good chance she is headed back to Charleston or Ballston Spa to be an instructor at prototype where she'll be working 64-70 hour weeks in shift work instead of 84. Small improvement I suppose. But that is the 'on track' career progression for a nuke and provides her the best opportunity to advance and qualify EWS/EOOW. If she's very lucky she could be an A-school instructor in Charleston.

So in light of that: If you are already worried about your gf's ability to write home after a week then you aren't cut out for this arrangement.

Secondly, you are 20 years old and are planning to sacrifice all of your potential professional development to follow around a young woman to be a stay-at-home boyfriend. That's not a very good plan. As others have posted, you could (and should) use this time to further your own education and professional development. That will keep you busy, allow you both flexibility when it comes time for her to decide whether to reenlist or separate, will prepare you for a better quality of life in older age, and provides you with a safety net if your relationship doesn't work out as planned.

As for co-locating: during A-school/NNPS/NPTU they will let married servicemembers collect BAH. She is free to use it to rent wherever she sees fit, whether that is base housing or from a private rental.

[DadofMM-ELT]

If she goes on a sub as one of the first enlisted women then it is possible that she will not be able to contact you at all for 2-3 months while she is on mission. You'll get a couple weeks of contact when they pull off station for an inport period then go another 2-3 months without contact.

At the risk of extrapolating from a single data point, I'll add that while our son way doing a qualifying ride we had pretty regular email contact though it came and went in weird batches apparently dependent on the sub's schedule and opportunity to surface.

[Radwraith]

I hate to do this but I'm going to poor a little more cold water on your dreams: Every guy/girl your age 'knows' their partner would 'never' cheat on them until it happens. Your girlfriend will be under extreme stress from her schooling and very lonely for extended periods of time. On top of that, she will be surrounded buy young men and women in the peek of physical condition who all feel the same way! You do the math! I'm not saying she or you couldn't stay strong but it would be a somewhat rare occurrence in my experience! Add to that, (As stated earlier) YOUR lack of professional development will be held as a flaw by everyone around her. It ain't fair but it WILL happen! If you guys want to make it through this you're going to need a better plan then you have right now! Sincerely, I wish you luck!

[spekkio]

At the risk of extrapolating from a single data point, I'll add that while our son way doing a qualifying ride we had pretty regular email contact though it came and went in weird batches apparently dependent on the sub's schedule and opportunity to surface.

I specified on mission. When the subs do CODT (Commanding Officer's Discretionary Training) underways, communications are fairly regular. They don't require the submarine to surface but do require that the submarine be operating in an environment that allows it to transmit radio waves that can't be heard by the "bad guys."

[DadofMM-ELT]

I specified on mission. When the subs do CODT (Commanding Officer's Discretionary Training) underways, communications are fairly regular. They don't require the submarine to surface but do require that the submarine be operating in an environment that allows it to transmit radio waves that can't be heard by the "bad guys."

I understood his ride to be a regular deployment. Do CODTs normally last 110+ days?

[birius]

Everyone here is being very pessimistic.
I would just recommend taking this all a day at a time. The more expectations you make, the more chances you'll have to be let down. There's no guarantees in the military, so I wouldn't make any plans on where you will be living until you're there.
I wish you both luck, and hope you end up happy.

[HydroDave63]

Week 4 now, any contact?

[RDTroja]

One post, last active the day after the post. Don't think the OP cares.

[GLW]

One post, last active the day after the post. Don't think the OP cares.

I hate to do this but I'm going to poor a little more cold water on your dreams....

Well there's wasted tote of a heavy bucket,...

and maybe you have it all wrong about his dreams,...

maybe his dream is to marry a girl who can support his ass,...

you know, he gets base housing, she has to deploy, he gets to surf the internet, go to the gym, hang out at the beach, and maybe console any willing WestPac widows scattered across the base housing landscape,...

they're not developing men the way they used to in the numbers they used to,...

males yes,....men,...not so much,...AISI anyways,....

[Tylor]

I've been excited to see this guy's response since I read this post. I don't want to be rude or anything, but this is hilarious.

[HeavyD]

I don't want to be rude or anything, but this is hilarious.

As is much of life.

If you are on a carrier, this will end up being one of the more tame situations you encounter that will first make you go "?!?!?" and then proceed to laugh yourself into the floor.

Some people's kids.