How can I help my husband?

[Cycoticpenguin]

Well, I appreciate your opinion, but to be honest, just because your ex wife sounds like half the woman I am, and it seems that maybe she really screwed you over, doesn't mean that you should talk to me like that. I would NEVER EVER think of my husband like that and honestly its insulting that anyone would say that to me, let alone someone who doesn't even know us. Best of luck to you, it does sound like you are going to need a VERY patient woman. And saying that you didn't mean to sound "harsh" doesn't justify insulting someone. I am WELL aware of the challenges ahead and if I were not supportive I wouldn't have been on here asking for advice to help with the challenges at hand.

Get off your soap box. You DONT know what lies in store for you. You DONT know where you will be in one year, much less 2. A member comes in explaining what needs to be done means to do it, and if you already are, kudos. Hes offering advice and you spit it back in his face... who do you think you are??? 

I know of ONE successful marriage in my tenure in the navy. statistics are against you. THAT is NOT an insult, and merely factual. Until you get through on the other side you need to relax.

[Marlin]

Well, I appreciate your opinion, but to be honest, just because your ex wife sounds like half the woman I am, and it seems that maybe she really screwed you over, doesn't mean that you should talk to me like that. I would NEVER EVER think of my husband like that and honestly its insulting that anyone would say that to me, let alone someone who doesn't even know us. Best of luck to you, it does sound like you are going to need a VERY patient woman. And saying that you didn't mean to sound "harsh" doesn't justify insulting someone. I am WELL aware of the challenges ahead and if I were not supportive I wouldn't have been on here asking for advice to help with the challenges at hand.

Hang in there, they are right there is a lot of stress on a marriage for Nukes male or female in the Navy. There are a large number of the members of my SubVets group that have been married to their first wives who were in the Navy as Nukes in the 50s and 60s. Regretably (or not) I am on my second marriage (30 years married/28 churched) but one of my old shipmates I served with in the 70s is still married to his first wife. Not easy but doable so hang in there young lady you have a good attitude.

I wager 50 quatloos in favor of the newcomer. 

[Cycoticpenguin]

I wager 50 quatloos in favor of the newcomer. 

lets hope... her and her husband certainly have a rocky road ahead of them, thats for sure. The test will be time! Not ever going to say it cant be done, just that things happen.

[OldHP]

Well, I appreciate your opinion, but to be honest, just because your ex wife sounds like half the woman I am, and it seems that maybe she really screwed you over, doesn't mean that you should talk to me like that. I would NEVER EVER think of my husband like that and honestly its insulting that anyone would say that to me, let alone someone who doesn't even know us. Best of luck to you, it does sound like you are going to need a VERY patient woman. And saying that you didn't mean to sound "harsh" doesn't justify insulting someone. I am WELL aware of the challenges ahead and if I were not supportive I wouldn't have been on here asking for advice to help with the challenges at hand.

A lot of folks have been trying to help with the challenges at hand and offer support since your first post, why cop an attitude now, particularly with the embedded screams!  If you are taking a point of help, advice, and support as an insult just wait to see what is ahead.  There will be days, weeks, months when you dont hear from your husband - who is serving his (and your) country. 

[pandadair]

Nukes_wife, I was right where you are about a year ago, so feel free to PM me if you need any advice and/or support.  We got married (at 26) right after Power School, so I was here living with him while he was on hold and during Prototype.  I just want to second what other people have said as far as your husband's effort being the most important factor.  My husband also had a hard time passing math, and, actually, struggled with more than he probably wants me telling to random people on the internet.  But, he got through it, and so will your husband.

For better or for worse, right now you're married to his Navy career.  I agree with what other people said about the best thing you can do is to keep things stress free at home.  I can't really advise you on how to do this while also dealing with a baby, as we made every effort not to at that particular juncture, but I know quite a few people that have.  I just made sure, no matter what shift he was on, that he had dinner ready for him and that he got an hour or two of worry-free decompress time before he had to sleep.  

And playswithairplanes was not in any way insulting you, he was giving you his honest insight.  The wives that seem to have the hardest time are the ones who see themselves as some sort of saint, martyring themselves for the cause and expecting to be acknowledged for it, which is what I took his response to mean.  Chill out.  You will run into a lot of people on these boards with a not overly optimistic view of marriage in the Navy (or so it has seemed to me, as a frequent reader and infrequent commenter).

ETA:  Just think of little things you can do that will be a load off his mind, even if just a small one.  While my husband was in Prototype, when he was relaxing before bed, I'd get his lunch for the next day together and in the fridge, so he could just grab it and go in the morning.  When I was feeling super cheesy, I'd put little napkin notes of encouragement in there.  Seriously, anything you can think of that will allow him to have less on his mind while he's at home and able to relax, the better.

[drayer54]

Get off your soap box. You DONT know what lies in store for you. You DONT know where you will be in one year, much less 2. A member comes in explaining what needs to be done means to do it, and if you already are, kudos. Hes offering advice and you spit it back in his face... who do you think you are??? 

I know of ONE successful marriage in my tenure in the navy. statistics are against you. THAT is NOT an insult, and merely factual. Until you get through on the other side you need to relax.

Only one? Did you not pay attention? I remember 2!

[playswithairplanes]

Thanks for the kind words folks, much appreciated.

To the OP, Dear child, some day you will understand. When someone who has been through what you are going through gives you some free advice that YOU asked for, the polite thing to do is to shut your mouth and accept it. Whether you act on it or not is completely up to you. However, YOU did ask for the advice of people who have been where you and your husband are now. To be honest, it's no skin off my ass whether you or your husband make it through Power School. I already did, probably before you were born. I was merely trying to answer your request for advice, and I gave you the exact same advice I would give to one of my daughters should they ever find themselves in a similar situation. I still say good luck to you, and to your husband. There will come a time in the not so distant future when you and you husband will look back on your time at NPS and consider it a golden, care free time in his Navy career. Make the most of it. 

[Cycoticpenguin]

Nukes_wife, I was right where you are about a year ago, so feel free to PM me if you need any advice and/or support.  We got married (at 26) right after Power School, so I was here living with him while he was on hold and during Prototype.  I just want to second what other people have said as far as your husband's effort being the most important factor.  My husband also had a hard time passing math, and, actually, struggled with more than he probably wants me telling to random people on the internet.  But, he got through it, and so will your husband.

For better or for worse, right now you're married to his Navy career.  I agree with what other people said about the best thing you can do is to keep things stress free at home.  I can't really advise you on how to do this while also dealing with a baby, as we made every effort not to at that particular juncture, but I know quite a few people that have.  I just made sure, no matter what shift he was on, that he had dinner ready for him and that he got an hour or two of worry-free decompress time before he had to sleep.  

And playswithairplanes was not in any way insulting you, he was giving you his honest insight.  The wives that seem to have the hardest time are the ones who see themselves as some sort of saint, martyring themselves for the cause and expecting to be acknowledged for it, which is what I took his response to mean.  Chill out.  You will run into a lot of people on these boards with a not overly optimistic view of marriage in the Navy (or so it has seemed to me, as a frequent reader and infrequent commenter).

ETA:  Just think of little things you can do that will be a load off his mind, even if just a small one.  While my husband was in Prototype, when he was relaxing before bed, I'd get his lunch for the next day together and in the fridge, so he could just grab it and go in the morning.  When I was feeling super cheesy, I'd put little napkin notes of encouragement in there.  Seriously, anything you can think of that will allow him to have less on his mind while he's at home and able to relax, the better.

awesome. Just awesome

Only one? Did you not pay attention? I remember 2!

pray tell? Casey? no... Cash??? No... Me?? No...  Besides yourself and .... I honestly cant think of anyone. Im not counting  the nubs or master chiefs btw. 

[Gamecock]

I enlisted in the nuclear navy back in 1990.

I got married back in 1992.

3 kids and almost 19 years later, we're still together, I'm still serving, and the marriage is better then it ever was. 

So, it can be done.

IMHO, the number one reason a marriage stays strong is that both my wife and myself never thought of divorce as an option.  We got married for  better or for worse, and praise to God, it has been significantly more better then worse.

Cheers,
GC

[navynukedoc]

So your original post was on Feb 1st. 6 weeks has passed. How are you and your husband doing? How is he doing in NPS?


-Doc

[Nukes_wife]

Wow, I really feel like this has gotten blown out of proportion. I did start with "I appreciate your opinion" and I meant that. I have dealt with several people don't sugar coat things, and I appreciate it for the most part. For whatever reason, the post I was responding to seemed insulting and degrading to my intentions. I really do apologize if I offended anyone who may have thought I was being ungrateful for the advice. It just seems to me that his advice about not being a phony wife doesn't apply to me. If I didn't intend to stick out every horrible and wonderful moment with my husband for the rest of my life, well honestly I wouldn't be airing our issues to people I don't know in hopes of finding some sort of advice or help that applies. I don't think that I know everything, as a matter of fact, I'm sure there are a lot of things that I know nothing about, but when I say I am well aware of the challenges ahead, I only mean that I am someone who prepares for the worst, so I try to be prepared to handle the impossible.

So, in short, I apologize for offending anyone, I appreciate all advice, and I realize that for the most part people wouldn't even look at posts on here if they weren't trying to help in some way. To the last poster (Doc), my husband is in week 13 of power school and got a 3.5 on his last exam. We are doing well in our marriage & intend to keep it that way. Thank you.

[navynukedoc]

Absolutely fantastic to hear. Please don't take things to heart on here. Just read, digest, and progress. We are all salty in some way or form after all. (Although some of us could use some sensitivity training.)


Please keep us informed and let us know WHEN he graduates!

-Doc

[retired nuke]

Playswithairplanes reminds me of a previous poster here on NW...

Anybody remember who I'm talking about?

Cereal comes to mind....

Nukes_Wife - most anybody I know would have been insulted by that comment -your error was rising to the bait. Keep doing what you are doing, it seems to be working.

Again, thank you both for your service, and I hope things continue to get better. 

[playswithairplanes]

HouseDad,
I've only got one handle on this site, and this is it. If I remind you of someone who pissed you off in the past, well too bad, but it wasn't me.

As for being insulted by my comment? Really? I thought it was quite clear. Many women out there will play games where they pretend to 'take one for the team' but then turn on their husbands at a later date and throw their martyrdom in their faces and expect kowtowing and goddess like adoration. What I was saying was don't do that. Why? Because it's toxic, to both her and her marriage. She chose to take my comment wrongly. Fine. It's a free country.

I stand by my advice. 

[maxx571]

Ma'am, I am not sure this will help, but....I graduated nuc school class 7201.  I failed the math course and went to an academic board.  The Captain looked me in the eye and said "Petty Officer Reynolds, I don't think you are smart enought to be a nuc."

Keith R. Reynolds MMCS(SS) USN Ret.  Ph.D
USS Nautilus 571, USS Stonewall Jackson SSBN 634 Gold, USS California CGN 36, USS Yellowstone AD41.

I have six college degrees and NOTHING is as hard as Nuc School. I do Hope your husband made it through Nuc School, and to all those in Nuc School, DO IT!  You are the top 10% of the top 10%

[Stormon]

Wouldn't that just be the top 1%?

[Starkist]

Wouldn't that just be the top 1%?

Brainwashing doesnt sound near as cool when simple numbers are used

[Jechtm]

Brainwashing doesnt sound near as cool when simple numbers are used

Ha, I love this place.

[Nukes_wife]

Just wanted to let anyone who wants to know that he has passed comp in Proto and is preparing for Ack Board. He got our first pick for boat and location too. I am beyond proud of him and all the time and effort that he has put in. To top it off he manages to be a great husband and dad. Just wanted to share and thank everyone who has helped us through the rough times and shared in the happy ones.

[Fermi2]

Wouldn't that just be the top 1%?

After reading this I am now convinced there is no detail a nuke would be glad to challenge another nuke about.

Makes me glad I joined this industry

[DDMurray]

Just wanted to let anyone who wants to know that he has passed comp in Proto and is preparing for Ack Board. He got our first pick for boat and location too. I am beyond proud of him and all the time and effort that he has put in. To top it off he manages to be a great husband and dad. Just wanted to share and thank everyone who has helped us through the rough times and shared in the happy ones.

Congratulations.  Good luck!  BTW do you mean qual board instead of ack board?