navy marriage

[aleafonthewind]

I am in a-school. I have met the girl I want to marry here. She is also in a-school. what is it like for people who get married and are both in the navy. I am a sub vol and she is obviously surface so there is no issue with us being at the same command. Will they work to at least put us in the same location?

[navytwinmom]

First thank you for your service.

Now speaking as a mom....you are only in "a" school...and want to get married to someone you met there...meaning you have only known her at the most 6 months and that is if you are all but done. I would suggest 1...long engament like after prototype. I was amazed at the number of nubs getting married during "a" school grad. I know it is lonley but dang!!

Navy life is hard on relationships just ask some of the guys here...check out the "how long have you been together" thread. I do not know about being stationed together but you can ask command about that since you have to ask them if it is ok to get married anyway.

Take care and best wishes

D

[93-383]

I don't want to be a downer but I have never seen a sailor to sailor marriage work especialy nuke to nuke. The navys idea of co-location is the same geographic quadrent of the country if you decied to do this try to bolth get stationed in norfolk it is the least desirable for surface and probably second least desirable for sub (pearl harbor is the least) if you are assigned to pearl there will be no location near you for her to be stationed. The navy dosn't acknoledge engagment so the only way to semi-legaly compel the navy to co-locate you is to marry that being said the last thing you should do is get married out of co-location obligation. I hope the best for you but the statisitics are not good.

[JustinHEMI05]

Ah, the age old A school love. Well, when I was in A school, and now as a prototype instructor, I have seen many many pipeline marriages. About 7.95 of them fail miserably by prototype, with that number going up to about 8.63 when they both head off to the fleet. Here is the truth, and no one in brown will tell you this, but the navy really doesn't give a shit about your marriage. Yes, they will probably be able to get you to say... Norfolk... together. But, when you are on your sub that goes out to sea 9 months a year and she is on her carrier that is out the other 9 months of the year... well you get the point. I am not trying to discourage you but, its the truth. You both need to REALLY think hard about what you want and where you will be going. YOU need to be sure that she really is the "one" and if she is, then your marriage can probably has a slight chance of beating the odds. But, I would be willing to lay great odds against it and put a lot of money on it. Goodluck.

Justin

[JustinHEMI05]

Oh, and the Navy is never going to "work" to do anything in your best interest. But, if your best interest lines up with the Navy's best interest, then lucky you and the appearance of "caring" is there and everyone is happy.

Justin

[navytwinmom]

Oh, and the Navy is never going to "work" to do anything in your best interest. But, if your best interest lines up with the Navy's best interest, then lucky you and the appearance of "caring" is there and everyone is happy.

Justin

Amen Brother!!

[hamsamich]

right on, perfect way to put it.

[aleafonthewind]

I know that the odds are against us, but I also know that this girl is the one i have to marry. It feels like my whole life has led up to me meeting her. We both know the statistics, and as grim as they are, we dont worry about it because we know we love each other.  We are both 22 and are not a couple of dumb kids ( I am not saying we arent young ) who found someone and just decided to get hitched. We are meant to be and I know it with all my heart.

[slarmox2]

Call me a skeptic, but there is no such thing as "the one" or "we were meant for each other." I could go on and on, but the statistics have already been put on the table.

[aleafonthewind]

I wanted to add that I still plan on taking my time. (i.e. won't get married until near the end of prototype.us

[LaFeet]

First off... thanks for your service.

Secondly, (and I am not encouraging you to do this) if you wait till the end of prototype, you will most likely be sent in opposite directions.

Third, any marriage worth holding on to can, and should survive the navy.

Finally, I hope that the two of you are really good friends.... this will help out in the short haul and the long run.

Good luck and best wishes

[hamsamich]

agree with lafeet as well.  besides, if you want to marry this girl for real, you ain't gonna listen to us no how.

[sinthrex]

Ah, love. I wish you the best of luck.  You're going to need it. ^_^

The Navy will make some degree of effort to co-locate you.  Part of this is that you are going to have to be willing to put up with some serious BS though. Bear in mind that your co-location comes second to the 'needs of the Navy'.  Easy example:  My best friend is ENG on a boat in WA.  His wife is a SWO(N).  They have been married for over two years and have never been co-located.  You need to put some serious skull sweat (both of you) into what you honestly think your relationship can take. This will possibly be the hardest thing you've ever done, it will add even more pain to your nub time on the boat(already a PITA) and the chance that someone will mess up and cheat at some point are extremely high by the numbers.

That being said: Your best options are to try and ask for a Norfolk, SanDog or a Boomer out of Bangor and a CVN in Bremerton/Everett (if Everett, someone's commute is going to seriously suck). Detailers will work with you, but you need to work with them.

[Wirebiter]

agree with lafeet as well.  besides, if you want to marry this girl for real, you ain't gonna listen to us no how.

hahaha, my thoughts exactly.  The few Nuke-to-Nuke marriages that I know are still working (out of dozens) involve one of the two persons (usually the wife) getting out of the Navy.  My Gold crew counterpart is still married to his ex-nuke wife, and they have 3 great kids.  She was allowed to separate because she had kids and he was still a nuke.  One other marriage came about because they met in Norfolk, after they had been stationed there for a while.

Its your life, but the odds are EXTREMELY stacked against you.  Assuming you both make it to the fleet, you will encounter some of the hardest, and most stressed work of your lives, separately and possibly at great distances from one another.
Just do me a favor and print this entire thread out after you get married and keep it with you.  Use it to motivate yourself and keep your marriage together.

On another note, I wonder why the Navy doesn't counsel students in this area of "life".  I have a few Air Force friends and they were told, both individually, and in a GMT setting throughout their training about the "close working conditions" and the tendency to "find your mate"".
It would seem that the Navy would be able to keep more errr... happy Nukes if this were the case.  Not to mention countless dollars spent on wasted training and lost man-hours. 

But, anyway, good luck to you and yours and hope alls well that ends well.

[ruth13]

Call me a skeptic, but there is no such thing as "the one" or "we were meant for each other." I could go on and on, but the statistics have already been put on the table.

Sorry - have to disagree....I do think we sometimes find the one God meant for us. I don't think it is always the case - sometimes we try to make the one we find become the one we were meant for....but regardless of the circumstances, marriage can work if you marry for the right reasons and put alot of effort into it. I met my husband when he was in the Navy, and we married 6 months later - 3 of those 6 months he was stationed in Spain and I was in Illinois. We will be married 35 years in September. Can't say it has always been easy, but it has always been worth it - I would do it all again in a minute.  Needless to say, all of our friends and family thought we were crazy at the time, too.  Of course there are numerous cases where the same scenario did not work out at all - my son and his ex-wife are one such case.  All I'm saying is that life is too short to not spend it with someone who makes you happy - just go into it with your eyes wide open..... and may God bless both of you.

[navytwinmom]

i could preach all day on the saying "if you can't be with the one you love....love the one you are with" but will hold myself back. Just remember distance can make the heart wonder....

I know that there is someone for everyone and if you have found her already I am very happy for you!! and am glad you are waiting a bit.

On a sadder note have not found mine yet but am begining to think it might be LaFeet...ahhhhhhhhhhhh.  just kidding!!

D

[Samabby]

I met my wife in 1968 and KNEW that she was the ONE. This December will be 37 years of a happy marriage.Just lucky, I guess. I was in the Navy at the time and she was a civvy. That said, my young friend, as noted, the odds are with the house and heavily against you.

In a perfect Navy, you will be on a boat attached to her carrier group and see her face to face about 60 days a year. This is not what marriage is all about. Good luck in whatever you decide. 

[LaFeet]

i could preach all day on the saying "if you can't be with the one you love....love the one you are with" but will hold myself back. Just remember distance can make the heart wonder....

I know that there is someone for everyone and if you have found her already I am very happy for you!! and am glad you are waiting a bit.

On a sadder note have not found mine yet but am begining to think it might be LaFeet...ahhhhhhhhhhhh.  just kidding!!

D

Dont know if I could get past the dark helmet thingie....

[Sirveri]

Don't do it. Nuke love is the bane of humanity.

Think about it this way, are you going to get any more benefits than you currently have? Not really.

I have only met one couple for whom nuke love has worked out. He was an instructor when I was in the pipeline. They met in the pipeline, she got picked up for officer, they got married. She got pregnant. She GOT OUT. They are still married with like four kids. The point being that she got out.

Some of the ones I've met that didn't work would include the dude who came home to find her on the couch with another guy in an uncomprimising position. The couple whom HE wanted out, she wanted to stay in, and they told them that they would only let her out and he ended up flunking out of prototype because of it.

If you really love her, just wait until you are out of the pipeline, if you still love her you have my blessings (not that you need them). Nuke love is a very fleeting emotion, just leave it alone until you're both at a real command.

[JustinHEMI05]

One thing I noticed in the nuke pipeline is that a lot of these young fellas are still... virgins and then get.... well lose their virginity in the pipeline to "that one" girl and then fall deeply in "love" with their first piece of... well first GF that gives it up. Not saying that is the case here, but I think it explains a lot of the cases out there.

Justin

[navytwinmom]

I heard a saying when I was in goose creek and it seems to apply here....a navy nuke will marry the first female that will touch him below the waist....I think Justin knows what he is talking about here.

Seems most nukes are a tad on the geeky side and are willing to fall madly in love and get married just to maintain so of that touching. 

Take care

[JustinHEMI05]

I heard a saying when I was in goose creek and it seems to apply here....a navy nuke will marry the first female that will touch him below the waist....I think Justin knows what he is talking about here.

Seems most nukes are a tad on the geeky side and are willing to fall madly in love and get married just to maintain so of that touching. 

Take care

Exactly. I was just trying to be PC

Justin

[navytwinmom]

Ahhhhhh PC...never been very good at that. 

Now big bi**h i got down pat!! 

[HydroDave63]

Dont know if I could get past the dark helmet thingie....

Dark helmet, may the Schwartz be with you!



Do marriages still have to be approved by Special Request Chit , or ?

[navytwinmom]

My sons "A" school buddy got married over the break and he had to get some kind of permission...not sure if it was a special request chit or not but had to be authorized some way.

Dark helmet, may the Schwartz be with you!

Thanks for getting the referance!! 

D