not just another nuke marriage

[Boom362]

So my finance and I have been together for almost a year and half.

We're both in prototype. He's got 4 months (scheduled, with no delays).
I've got 6 months (again, scheduled, no delays).

Neither of us has orders yet. He's put in his dream sheet and I have not put in mine yet.

I'm 20, he's 21. We're both surface. He's MM and I'm EM. No kids. No kids on the way.

I'm trying to find out everything I can with co location packages. (I don't start class till 15 July. therefore I'm the one with time)
What instructions say that we're eligible, what all we have to do, so that when the time comes we have the best possible shot of being co located.

What all do we need to have, so that when we talk to the CCC (this is the guy we need to talk to)

I don't need any of the "dont do it" "it wont work" bulls@#t.
I know that there's only an 85% of us being co located.


Modified for language

[yota]

Your best shot is for both of you to request Norfolk as your home port.

[spekkio]

What all do we need to have, so that when we talk to the CCC (this is the guy we need to talk to)

A marriage certificate.

[drayer54]

So my finance and I have been together for almost a year and half.

I don't need any of the "dont do it" "it wont work" bulls@#t.
I know that there's only an 85% of us being co located.


Modified for language

I want advice, but not advice from stuff that all of you have seen before?

This is real simple.... Norfolk= lots of carriers... San Diego= one or two and they move around alot, Washington= two or 3 and they move around alot.....

You do the math..


I know of one old ride that has spent 11 of the last 13 months abroad (pampered sailors these days) . Nobody in their right mind would pick that old thing right now. So I suggest that one... should be safe.

If you do make it and all works out, you'll get to see each other a few months a year on that odd time you aren't deployed or doing work ups/lawn dart airplane quals/misc. cruises.

And of course, if that's not enough time for you, you can do what many other married nuclear couples find convenient...

[HeavyD]

Your assigned mentor or class advisors should have these answers, but for some reason I can't stop helping sailors out, even during retirement.

http://www.public.navy.mil/bupers-npc/reference/milpersman/1000/1300Assignment/Documents/1300-1000.pdf

Being married is far more difficult than any job you will ever have.  Add in the extra stress of military life and the job gets even trickier.  My wife and I made it 17 years on active duty, we just passed 19 years overall.

Difficult does not equal impossible, but you're both gonna have to work at it.

Best of luck to the both of you!

[spekkio]

Your assigned mentor or class advisors should have these answers, but for some reason I can't stop helping sailors out, even during retirement.

I'm guessing they're the ones that referred him to the CCC, which is a shame.

To recap the thread...

Without being married, your best bet is to request Norfolk as that duty station presents the best odds of co-location while being single. The Navy will not formally consider you a 'couple' and will not do anything extra to try to co-locate you guys.

If you want the Navy to formally try to co-locate you with your fiance when doing your orders, you need to be married and submit the proper paperwork.

[MMM]

Be warned however that the USS Washington, in Japan, is considered forward deployed out of Norfolk, so even if you are married and collocated, you could end up on opposite sides of the planet.

[Boom362]

Your assigned mentor or class advisors should have these answers, but for some reason I can't stop helping sailors out, even during retirement.

http://www.public.navy.mil/bupers-npc/reference/milpersman/1000/1300Assignment/Documents/1300-1000.pdf

Being married is far more difficult than any job you will ever have.  Add in the extra stress of military life and the job gets even trickier.  My wife and I made it 17 years on active duty, we just passed 19 years overall.

Difficult does not equal impossible, but you're both gonna have to work at it.

Best of luck to the both of you!

Thank you. I literally just checked in the NPTU yesterday and am trying to get all the info I can. Our chief told us today (NPTU Hold Chief) that we as students (going from Training to the fleet) are not eligible, period. However, In the reading it says that students "may NOT be eligible" not, "are NOT eligible." I had found that but since it's dated for 2009 wanted to make sure that it wasn't old and outdated. Good to know it's not
And my NNPTC hold supervisor said that you're gonna get told that you can't but you can  always ask for the regulation that says you can't. Or even better, find the regulation that says you can.

That being said I will spend my off time, all of it if I have to, to find any and all regulations I have to that will require my LPO/Staff adviser to do his job and route the chit up. I don't care if my chances are slim, I want every single little percentile chance I can get, on my side. I don't care how "naggy" or "annoying" it makes me seem.

All this being said if the needs of the Navy require us to be geographically separated, then that is what has to happen. If we are co located and we don't see each other for a year, that's what happens.

But I won't have it be because someone at my command thinks very little of nuke to nuke marriages, before one deployment.

[Boom362]

Be warned however that the USS Washington, in Japan, is considered forward deployed out of Norfolk, so even if you are married and collocated, you could end up on opposite sides of the planet.

Thank you for the info.

[spekkio]

Your Chief misread the instruction. You aren't eligible for the provision to place one of you on a sea tour and the other on shore duty because you are coming from training.

Also, your CoC can't do a thing until you present a marriage certificate to PSD and update your page 2, no matter how annoying you are.

[HeavyD]

As Spekkio has stated already, NOTHING will happen until you are actually married.  You can't start routing any paperwork, making any plans, etc.

Being annoying before you are actually eligible can and most likely will have an adverse effect, mainly because anything can happen.  No matter how in love the two of you are, you aren't eligible until you are actually married, with legal document in hand.

Please keep a few things in mind:

1. You won't be assigned to the same carrier.
2. With deployments being the way they are now, be prepared for being apart LOTS.  Worst case scenario would be one of you ends up being on the carrier that relieves the other one's ship.
3. When it comes time to consider having kids, do NOT follow the path blazed by female sailors before you and get pregnant right before deployment.  Before my last deployment, we had an ET1 get pregnant with her 3rd child, and miss her 3rd deployment.  We all strongly suspected she and her husband planned it that way (or they had the worst luck, statistically speaking, ever), but we couldn't prove anything.  It's dishonest, deceitful and helps to build that negative stereotype about female sailors in general and female Nukes specifically.

These things are not meant to try and discourage you.  They are simply things to think about from a retired sailor who was present when the Navy reintegrated women back into the Nuke program.  I got to witness firsthand the growing pains, success and absolute failures associated with bringing women back into the fold.

Best of luck to the two of you and stay focused on your job; that's what the Navy's paying you for.     

[spekkio]

Also, another word of unsolicited advice: lose the chip on your shoulder. Your thread subject and the things you say indicate that you think your CoC is out to get you, but you're 'different.' That is not the case. They are trying to talk you out of marriage because they know from experience that you aren't making a wise decision at 20/21 yrs old to tie the knot, even if she's the love of your life and the freedom of living in town, income tax deductions, and BAH is tempting. That's exactly doing their jobs, just like your parents and friends would try to talk you out of marrying your high school sweetheart just before going away to college. Marriage requires a lot of time and effort. Qualifying requires a lot of time and effort. You are about to bite off more than you can chew, and they know it.

People react negatively to your plans because you are making a decision to make a commitment you can't honor at a young age. It displays poor planning and life management skills that make you a potential "problem child." You are going to spend 50-75% of your time onboard your ship depending on its cycle (a normal full time job is 27% of your time a week). You haven't even done anything yet and you already are saying you will 'kick and scream' to make the Navy bend over backward for you.

Throwing a tantrum that your COC won't route a 1306 when you aren't married yet will do little to change that perception.

[drayer54]

This won't be the first "not just another nuke marriage" that has happened. Far from it.  I found that most things in the Navy were managed at peoples discretion and the same policy or instruction can be interpreted differently by everyone who reads it. Meaning, if you make someone want to help you, they are likely to find a way. You already know the odds and statistics are working against you, but you also need to be assertive in reaching your goal.

[DLGN25]

20 and 21 and both facing 4 years of sea duty on different ships?  The odds of your success are not good, hell, not even as good as when only one spouse is in the Navy.

Both of you are at the beginning of a professional career that you may or may not follow at the end of your enlistment.  Neither of you know what lies ahead.  School they say is difficult, and it is only because you are new to the field.  Once in the fleet, it starts all over again, but this time on plants that are on ships that go to sea.  Not just an experience, but a lifestyle that will go on for four years.  At this point in your enlistment, you have no idea of what that world will be like.

My advice is to stay engaged and do what you can on duty station assignments.  It's a lot easier to get married later then to get unmarried later, which is more likely then not to happen before your contract is up. 

I have seen people who miss not being with loved ones, and it is difficult.  I have also seen people who are in the process of a marriage breaking up and are 5,000 miles away and can do nothing to stop it.  The latter tears people up.

People here are trying to tell you the facts of life as they have observed them, or in my case lived them. 

Married or not, the time you think you two will have together in the fleet, based on your current experience, isn't even close. 

In closing, base your decision on the real prospect that the two of you will only see each other once or twice a year, and then only if leave time can be coordinated. 

That's a lot of time apart.

Good luck to you in your career and life.

[spikeree]

Well said spekkio!

[EM UMPTY SQUAT]

I arrived at NPTU about the same time as you, and Chief Xxxxxxx (CCC) is the man, so bite your tongue. He has been more than helpful to EVERYONE i've talked to and to me personally,so why don't YOU figure your life out and stop complaining online when any person who has ever dealt with the military knows that the military doesn't care how serious your relationship is if you don't have a little piece of paper saying you're married.

PS. If it's true love why don't one of you just get out? BOOM SOLVED


Edited to remove name.