Suggestions for the ex-submariner that misses the "good old days"

[ranger2]

Some of these you have probably heard before. Some you may not.


1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace closet door with curtain. 6 hrs after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "sorry...wrong rack"

2. Don't eat any food not from a can or that you don't have to add water to.

3. Spend as much time indoors as possible and avoid sunlight. Hang out in dark theaters, windowless buildings, and closets.

4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your tub and move shower head to chest level. During showers, shut off water while soaping.

5. Repeat back everything anyone says to you.

6. Sit in your car for 6 hrs a day with your hands on the wheel, the motor running, but don't go anywhere.

7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to high.

8. Don't watch TV (except movies in the middle of the night). Have family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.

9. Only do your laundry in the most crowded laundromat you can find.

10. Leave lawnmower running in living room 6 hrs a day.

11. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

12. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.

13. Sleep with your dirty laundry.

14. Invite guests, but don't have enough food for them.

15. Buy a broken exercise bike and strap it to your kitchen floor.

16. Buy a trash compactor and use it weekly. Store garbage in other side of tub.

17. Wake up every night at midnight and have a PB&J on stale bread (optional: canned ravioli or cold soup)

18. Make up menu a week in advance without looking in cabinets or frig.

19. Set alarm to go off at random times during the night. Jump out of bed and dress as quickly as you can, then run in the yard and grap the garden hose.

20. Once a month, take every appliance apart and put back together.

21. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow to sit 5-6 hrs before drinking.

22. Invite 85 people you don't really like to visit for a few months.

23. Store your eggs in your garage for 2 months and then cook a dozen each morning.

24. Install a fluorescent lamp on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read.

25. Check you frig compressor for sound shorts.

26. Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key around your neck.

27. Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.

28. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan. Then spread the icing really thick on one side to level off the top.

29.  Every so often, yell emergency deep. Run to the kitchen and sweep all pots/pans/dishes off the counter onto the floor. Then yell at your wife for not having the place stowed for sea.

30. Wear headphones. Go stand in front of your stove. Say to no one in particular, "stove manned and ready". Stand there for a few hours. Say to one on in particular, "stove secured". Roll up headphone chord and put away.

31. Write a work package to change the oil in your car.

[ranger2]

Regarding the extra time on my hands...I just finished the operating portion of my NRC license exam. Written is Monday. Just had to step away from the books for bit.

I figure if I don't know it now, I'm probably not going to learn it today.

[Phurst]

Ah! The good old days!

[navytwinmom]

I loved this!! 

I am going to send it to my son that "THINKS" he is fast attack tough...and make him do all these things while home on leave....I pray everyday that he does not go on a sub cause i dont think my heart can take it!

Thanks for the post i really enjoyed it.

[number41]

You forgot the one about blindfolding your wife and having her drive your car around in traffic while you sit on top and yell directions through the sunroof!  Ha!  Classic stuff, this one!

[LaFeet]

I recall after a really LONG run some friends and I called one ERS about 3AM after a few tooo many drinks and told him to start up the evaporator..... his wife called me the next afternoon cursing me that Frank had tore apart the closet mumbling something about hollywood showers....