Wife Advice

[dsmcve01]

I am a year from my B.S. in ChemE and just learned about the NUPOC program. The Navy has always been a dream of mine and the nuke program seems like a perfect fit for me.

However... I just got married. My wife is supportive of me and very open-minded about it, but we haven't made a decision yet. She has absolutely no problem with the NR Engineer or Power School Instructor spots, but is doesn't like the sub or surface routes because of the travel and being away from home.

I have a 3.2, so I don't think I'd get into the NR Engineer or PSI programs, but I want to try doing the sub program. Should I just forget about it? Would I be dooming my marriage? She is a strong, independent woman, but I know it's a great strain on a marriage. Do you guys have any advice for us?

[UncaBuffalo]

Should I just forget about it? Would I be dooming my marriage? She is a strong, independent woman, but I know it's a great strain on a marriage. Do you guys have any advice for us?

If you have a happy marriage now, stick with what is working.

[HockeyFan]

IThe Navy has always been a dream of mine...

...I know it's a great strain on a marriage. Do you guys have any advice for us?

Questions to ask:

Is being a Navy officer's wife the dream of your spouse?  It's a fair question to ask her.  What are her dreams?

Also, examine your own wants and needs as well.  What are your goals in life?  Why military?

My advice is to plan your life together with your spouse and be especially sensitive to her needs.  Good luck in your career and have a happy marriage.

Dave

[HydroDave63]

Ditto to what they said!

The divorce rate coming back from deployment was about 1/3 of the married guys, per deployment, on my mighty vessel of war.

[Gamecock]

Without your wife being 100% committed to you becoming a nuke officer, you should definitely not pursue that course of action.    As I'm sure you know, the job can be extremely hard on a family. Marriage is a partnership.   Don't be selfish and pursue a career path that your wife isn't onboard with unless it is the only way to put food on your table.  I'll bet that is not the case here.

I'm not sure I would admit this to my wife, but I have found over the course of being married to her for 17 years (all 17 while serving on active duty) that whenever we disagree on a course of action for our family, she is usually right.  And, the times that I have been right, I have been able to convince her of that fact after many discussions and we have marched off in harmony together. 

[Fermi2]

Better dang well make certain your dreams coincide with her view of what your marriage should be. I've been married 22 years as of last night and every major move or decision we've made have been done after many discussions and with her unconditional approval. Even at that the first year is especially hard on them. Case in point, after we moved from Michigan to Tennessee my wife was a bit miserable for the first 15 to 18 months. Part of that was due to my baby girl being miserable but we got through it, they both made fantastic friends and now have a much better time than they ever had in Michigan. Remember, you'll have an instant support group with those who are sharing your school experience. No matter where you end up you'll always have that instant support group. When I moved to Tennessee I simply found a group of Operators sat down with them and started speaking BS with them. (Isn't it wonderful how Nukes everywhere speak fluent BS, it's our common language). Your wife won't have that instant support and even your school period will be tough, guys and gals with families can't even begin to understand what a time commitment your training period really entails. One common mistake I'd advise you not to make, just because you like a guy does not mean your wife will like his wife so don't push things, she'll eventually click with someone. You'll need to encourage her even with stuff you find as matter of fact, like the first time she drives to a store without you being with her. You'd be surprised at how far stuff like that goes. Keep this constantly in mind, a Nukes Wife is the hardest job there is, no matter whether it's Navy or commercial. We all work long hours at what is at times a very difficult job, we all have extra things we have to do to support our plants, and we all have a mistress aka the power plant.
Try to keep work at work, the only time I ever really bring work home is when I'm in training for a License then I study my arse off, usually 3  hours a night, plus weekends. Otherwise I have a little trick I use to remind myself my family are not nukes, not my employees and deserve to have my head in their game when I'm home. I have a shrunken head and when I get home I put my palm on it, close my eyes for a minute and just let the nuclear flow out of me. Then i'm set for the night!.

Mike

[dsmcve01]

Thanks for the advice everyone. It's nice to hear an outside perspective from people who've been there.

[mlslstephens]

I've been married 22 years as of last night

Congratulations Mike.

BTW, not like I'm surprised but that is some great words of wisdom.

[Fermi2]

Thanks Mike. We had a super time. We took my daughter, two of her friends, my son, and two of his friends from college out to eat downtown. His one friend is a girl I absolutely adore. 22 Years ago none of these kids were born and now they're celebrating our anniversary with us.
Life is cool. Thank you for the comment on my advice

Mike

[xforcehunter]

Happy anniversary!  22 years is an amazing accomplishment in this day and age.

[Ambered]

I am the spouse of an enlisted man (nuke) in the Navy. This is the fifth month of his last deployment.  The last 6 years have been hard, but I know we will make it out okay.  The worst thing is that I feel so badly for all the time he has missed with our son, who turns 6 this summer.  You guys are Nukes, so you can do math...he joined so he could take care of our family. The plan was to do 6 years and get job experience so he would be employable, we are sticking to it (unlike many who re-up even though they said they never would)  I have seen many marriages end, and some that didn't, but probably should have.  I would explore all of my options before considering joining. (for your wife and future kid's sake)

[G-reg]

God bless you both for your service and your sacrifice.  Enjoy the upcoming homecoming!

- Greg

[IPREGEN]

If you're getting a degree in chem engineering there is no reason to join the navy, you can apply directly to a utility, make more money and live with your wife.