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halflifer

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #25 on: Nov 17, 2004, 06:08 »
Some new definitions:
1.   Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2.   Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
3.   Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 
4.   Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5.   Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6.   Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
      absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7.   Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8.   Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9.   Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
      are run over by a steamroller.
10.  Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11.  Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12.  Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
      proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
      expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die your Soul
     goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts

       

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #26 on: Dec 04, 2004, 03:30 »
When I die, I'd like to go peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather....






...NOT SCREAMING LIKE THE PASSENGERS IN HIS CAR!
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline JessJen

Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #27 on: Dec 05, 2004, 03:51 »
"Some people are like Slinkies -- not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."
 

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #28 on: Dec 24, 2004, 02:27 »
So you say you don't like children?





How could anyone not like kids?





You're probably just not cooking them right....
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #29 on: Feb 09, 2005, 02:39 »
Before you criticize a man, you need to walk a mile in his shoes...








...that way, if he doesn't like the criticism, you have a mile head-start and he's trying to chase you barefooted.
« Last Edit: Mar 16, 2008, 08:11 by UncaBuffalo »
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Surveyors_mato

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #30 on: Feb 24, 2005, 05:08 »
Knock-Knock



Who's There?




Control Freak...okay, now YOU say "Control Freak Who?"
Control freak Who?

Offline RDTroja

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #31 on: Feb 28, 2005, 11:07 »
I love deadlines.

I especially like the 'whoosh' they make when they fly by.


Must sound sort of like the noise that joke made going over Surveyors_mato's head.

Control freak Who?
"I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician."

                                  -Marty Feldman

"Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to understand that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
                                  -Ronald Reagan

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.

                                  - Voltaire

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #32 on: Mar 16, 2008, 08:12 »
4/3 of all people surveyed had trouble with fractions.
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #33 on: Mar 28, 2008, 09:21 »
There are 3 kinds of people...


...those who can do math...and those who can't...
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Motown homey

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #34 on: Apr 08, 2008, 09:58 »
"When I rented this apartment, they told me it was okay to have a pet. 







                                                                                                    I have a pony."

Steven Wright
« Last Edit: May 05, 2009, 08:14 by Motown homey »

Offline radbitch

Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #35 on: Apr 08, 2008, 10:08 »
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #36 on: Aug 13, 2008, 03:33 »
I read that petting a dog will lower your blood pressure...



...I wonder if that works with cats, too...



...of course, you hardly ever see a cat petting a dog...  ;)
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #37 on: Sep 16, 2008, 03:58 »
On the other hand...





...you have different fingers.
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #38 on: Mar 01, 2009, 10:34 »
I just saw an article about a butcher that had backed into his meat grinder...







                         ...he got a little behind in his work...
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline HydroDave63

Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #39 on: Mar 01, 2009, 11:01 »
I just saw an article about a butcher that had backed into his meat grinder...


                         ...he got a little behind in his work...

Was that packaged as "butt roast"?  :P

Offline SloGlo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #40 on: May 05, 2009, 09:37 »
yinz ebber wonder iffen dat one dollar bill in yer pocket ever bin in a strippers butt?
quando omni flunkus moritati

dubble eye, dubble yew, dubble aye!

dew the best ya kin, wit watt ya have, ware yinze are!

Offline RDTroja

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #41 on: May 06, 2009, 09:37 »
yinz ebber wonder iffen dat one dollar bill in yer pocket ever bin in a strippers butt?
you ain't right,....

If you just figured that out, then you ain't right, either.
"I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician."

                                  -Marty Feldman

"Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to understand that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
                                  -Ronald Reagan

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.

                                  - Voltaire

Offline SloGlo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #42 on: May 06, 2009, 08:19 »
If you just figured that out, then you ain't right, either.
sinsitralicism issa one derful condishun   ;)
quando omni flunkus moritati

dubble eye, dubble yew, dubble aye!

dew the best ya kin, wit watt ya have, ware yinze are!

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #43 on: Jun 25, 2009, 06:46 »




When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams may come true.










      ...unless it's actually a meteorite hurtling towards Earth to destroy all life...











                  ...in which case, you are pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for...












                                         ...unless it's death-by-meteor.


« Last Edit: Jun 25, 2009, 06:47 by UncaBuffalo »
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline deltarho

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #44 on: Jun 27, 2009, 04:09 »
There are 3 kinds of people...


...those who can do math...and those who can't...

I've always heard that there are 10 types of people in the world.


Those that can read binary and....
The above has nothing to do with any real  or imagined person(s).  Moreover, any referenced biped(s) simulating real or imagined persons--with a pulse or not--is coincidental, as far as you know.

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #45 on: Aug 05, 2009, 06:34 »
There are two rules for success:


1) Never tell everything you know.
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #46 on: Feb 09, 2010, 06:11 »
When you work here you can name your own salary.






                                                                                I named mine, "Fred".
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

Offline UncaBuffalo

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Re: A Few Thoughts
« Reply #47 on: May 23, 2013, 09:15 »




I planted some bird seed.






A bird came up.



Now I don't know what to feed it.  
« Last Edit: May 23, 2013, 09:16 by UncaBuffalo »
The days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, I have really good days. -Ray Wylie Hubbard

 


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